General

it’s amazing how a tub of ice cream can lift one’s spirit and crushes you later. the aftermath – i looked into the mirror and see a girl that has gone through too many tubs of ice cream and unhappiness.

everyone says im on the young side. i merely refused to grow up. not into this sickeningly world where everyone put on their false smiles and try to survive by pushing their pain on others. i don’t blame them. i want to disappear.

clothers worn, shoes torn

i walk with my head down

i’m not looking for money

im not looking at someone’s butt

shoulders slouch, sweat beading my forehead

fingers numb […]

i miss pills so fucking much, they made me feel so motivated, euphoric and i just loved them so much

and i also miss weed, no dealer available and no money, thing is though with weed, i’ve started feeling like it makes me think about things that make me nervous and shit, idk how to explain it but like, i was gonna take a piss test, a few times actually, never did them though, luckily, but it reminds me of that when i’m high and i can’t enjoy the high, but with the pills i just didn’t think of bad things that made me wanna die […]

Hello.

I’m not suicidal, folks–that much I’ll be honest about right now.

I’m a college student have my bad days, sure…

But from what I’ve read here, medical maladies notwithstanding, my worst days are likely better than some of yours.

So I’m not going to lie to you all and pretend I’m something and someone I’m not.

I ONLY JOINED THIS SITE TO LISTEN TO YOU, AND TO TALK TO WHOEVER WANTS SOMEONE TO TALK TO…

AND NOT BE JUDGED.

So I’ll be upfront about who I actually AM:

Like I said, .I’m college-aged..

I’m an English Major, with an AA Degree in that field…

I’d like to be a write someday…

My favorite authors are […]

Three to five times (times varying from weeks to months) I would have a firearm, and sit with it, sleep with it, cock the hammer put it to the side of my head and yet even in deep emotional crrisis could not pull the trigger ?

I know there are alot of younger people here and really haven’t had access to guns, so may not get any responses.

Guns leave alot of messy stuff that has to be cleaned up, what thee police leave at a suicide scene coulb possibly be cleaned up by family. No one would want a family member to do this.

I also think […]

“i don’t know what i’m doing” i whisper to myself in a sing songy sort of way. I let myself get to this point of absolute discomfort; I know it’s up to me to dig myself out of this rut. It’s plain to see, the steps I need to take to get back to 0, back to neutral. I’m so deep in the negative, everyday I sink further, despair despair. I believe I can pull myself out though.

But then what? “hahahahahahahaha” he laughs maniacally to himself. I find a nice bachelor or 1 bedroom apartment and move in for jan 1st but then […]

My mind is like a bottle with boiling water with no escape ready to explode idk what to do everyday I stress everyday I have thoughts that if someone heard them then I’d be put away idk what is wrong with me but my life is nothing I can’t drive due to some kind of fear stopping me I don’t work because I’m afraid of crowds and get really nervous I go to school but yet I drop out because I can’t concentrate all I do is draw evil things which I am pretty good at and play video games to relieve my stress I […]

Have not slept in days, constant stress.

I noticed in the moments I close my eyes I’m having these visions of like the NDE stories, i wonder if lack of eating is doing this.

i don’t know what i am going to say. every time i posted my feeling somewhere, people started judging me.
my story started last year where i realized how wrong i was for loving a married man. I know before you start judging me, i know that i am wrong and i shouldn’t be doing this. I tried, i tried to do everything but the very sight of him give me chills and i can’t stay away. But that is not what make me to kill myself. He treats me like i am just another piece of junk, never cares and nothing else. But why […]

I’ve tried everything… Well, everything except pills because my doctor won’t give any to me. I guess I’m not important enough…
All I want to do is to jump off a bridge and not be saved. I don’t want to do this anymore, I can’t. The pain, the anxiety, all the fucking thinking, it’s too unbereable…
Everyone secretly hates me anyway, so I do not think that they would give a shit. And my therapist would probably just be happy to get rid of me..

so this is the part where I say goodbye. Goodbye pain, goodbye thoughts, goodbye everything.

    I feel sad, lonely, hurt  i feel like im invisible i have never felt so unimportant and  worthless in my life ive been tossed around my whole life like a rag doll with no real home and no family or friends that care about me i care deeply about people and love them with all i got  but i never get that feeling in return i don’t understand y people r so mean..i just wish i can have a true friend to talk about things with, it doesn’t seem like much to ask . i feel like nothing is ever going to get […]