General

I figured it out, I have at lest three sides to me. In my mind, I have three little voices in my head. And at random times, one is louder than the others. Well right now is the side that wants to die, but won’t let my self do it. Other times it’s the happy me. The me I like. I’m happy when I’m around people more. The third side, oh god, is the side that gets louder at night…
Well I’m going to try a few more things to help get me outta this personal hell I’ve created for my self. I’m going to […]

Me, I just want to remember what happiness feels like…

My brother killed himself when he was 23….almost 10 years ago. The pain of his loss is excruciating. I miss him so much.

so here i am again

couple weeks go by and i think i am better than this site  ( i’m not like those people)

but i am

or i’m worse

have absolutely no idea why i just cannot shake this

i see now its definately not a phase

maybe i am being repayed for my sins in a previous life

no one understands me

no one — and i mean NO one knows the real me

just me and God i guess

sitting here with tears in my eyes again , my heart is so heavy

all i want to do is cry and drink myself into a deep sleep

and i hate drinking

hate feeling drunk

wish i […]

Anybody had an experience by trying to commit suicide cutting your jugular? or had a close person who ended their lives this way? Can you share those experiences with me? I am planning on taking my own life this way. I have heard it is faster than cutting my arms.

I Feel So Weird, Like A Zombie Or Something, I Finally Got The Courage, And Finally Told Someone Everything, Well Mostly Everything, There Are SOme Things Im Keeping To The Grave. Im Getting The Help I Need, But I Regret It, Im Sitting Waiting For The CAMHS(Child And Adolecent Mental Health Service) Crisis Team, And All I Can Think Is What The F**k Have I Done This For, Im Never Gunna Have The Chance Again, So Im Gunna Have To Go Thorugh All Of The Councelling Again, I Guess Its A Good Thing, Because I Know That Death Isn’t Really What I Deep Down Want, But It […]

My father jumped to his death when he was 39. I didn’t understand it then.  I mean he still had half his life to live. How could he just leave us like that?

Now I’m 39 and I still have half my life to live and I finally understand.

I got married later in life. I never felt the need to attach myself to a person. Sure I dated but I never met anyone who I could love unconditionally.  Then I met my husband. I can honestly say he has the most beautiful heart I have ever known.  For two years I knew happiness with him. I […]

I really don’t.
It just feels like life is getting too hard.
It’s too hard to please other people.
It’s too hard to please myself.
I can’t do anything right.
No one wants me here.
It’s like they hate me.
And I can’t say I blame them.
I hate me too.
I would always turn my feelings off when I hit this point.
But now that doesn’t work.
Burning doesn’t work.
Nothing does.
But I don’t want to quit.
I’m still here. Somewhere.
Right?

Okay, so I have to admit something. I talk big, I act tough, but deep down, I just want to die.

I don’t know why I feel like this. I have friends, life is good. it just feels so empty, so meaningless. I don’t understand. I’m not depressed, I’m not taking any medications, and I have plenty of sunlight. I just…. I don’t get it.

If you feel this way, or maybe know how to help, any advice would be… well, better than this.

I cant tell my parents, so dont say that.

so mothers abondoned me 2 times now dads dead grandparents treat em liek shti no fmaily that cares only like 2 close friends and what do i really have i shold jsut end it maybe i am a slefish fuck but i dont care anymore i cnat take this life ive done everything i wana o and lfie is miserable and i hate it so i should end it hell it would probaly help someone elses life

God is healing my wounds. A while back at the beginning of last month, my heart was heavy, and I felt this big burden on top of it. I felt like I was lost, and that I needed to seek relief immediately. I felt like I was trapped inside a box, and the only way out was to forfeit my life. I felt like I had to end it. I did not know where to go or who to turn.

A few years ago, a friend gave me a bible. I didn’t think much of it, and I just put it somewhere on my desk. I […]

i post on there, the police are gonna read this and my past posts and contact my parents and tell them that i think about suicide???

I use to think they were my best friends.. and no matter what they did , no matter how bad it hurt me .. they didnt mean it.. but i was stupid and they knew my weakeness .. i forgave everyone .. no matter what they did .. cause i had a big heart and i thought everyone could change.

Let me give you a run down of everything thats happened up till this point? alright . Also if you have yet to read my other post “my story” i reccomend you do so you can get a feel for my situation.

Brittany

-put me in the hospital […]

feeling out. far away.

it cant be the whole world thats upside down, it must be me.
i cant live like normal people. im beautiful outside and ugly inside;
i feel it when i get in contact with people, im ugly inside.
i dont like letting people in my life but then i wonder whats the point
of living if i cant let people in my life. And with those already in my life
i cant be genuine because i know how they want me to be;
they want me to smile, they want me to come back on earth but im floating
in the air, i cant get a grip on […]

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