General

Idek anymore. I’m friendless, failing out of school, have family problems, and, on top of all else, I’m in love with my only friend. She’s all I ever think about. We dated for about a year, she broke up with me(x3). That was two years ago. We both have changed, lots. I see her date horrible guys and its like she rubs my nose it, and yes, she knows how i feel about her. Today, i asked her for a single date. Just to see if she likes the new me. She is now mad at me, and flipped out on me for it. […]

Here is some fun and exiting music from Steve Roach, who went through a near death experience!

Cool music by Steve Roach

i am a kutter and i burn myself sometimes. i smoke constantly have not really brushed my teeth since i was a kid. always had unprotected sex and did drugs. dying is what I’m close to it started young gave up on life felt victim. so i gave up on everything. have you ever sat there and felt blank not been able to respond to an approach or doing so inappropriately it’s not normal but it is normal enough. kutters do so in their skin their body their life. taking their own life away. its addicting piercing the skin muscle repeatedly. if you saw me […]

Does it get better?

I don’t fucking believe it! The ONE thing keeping me here was hope that soon I’ll get diagnosed for whatever the fuck i have, but nope! Too damn sheltered and shy to even talk to my family doctor.
Fuck this, fuck life, and fuck you too society!

I just know that I can’t keep living like this.

I’m skipping school today because I didn’t do my homework and I have assessments today I’m not ready for.

It sounds petty, and it is. I feel unnervingly calm these days; friends are worrying about college apps and tests, and I just sit there, feeling nothing. I’ve always been a huge procrastinator, but this year the results have finally shown it: my grades have slipped, I’m always sleeping late, I never have any energy in class, I hate all my subjects, I’m constantly binge-eating. And I know I should care (I do, to some extent), but I […]

I guess I could say things are looking up for me, or rather that tomorrow looks like a better day. I get to have coffee and talk to my friend. She said we are gonna talk about everything that’s wrong in my life, she’s going to be like my psychiatrist because my parents wont get me one. She’s done so much for me, she’s an amazing person and I’m glad I can call her my friend. She means a lot to me and it means a lot that she is willing to help, because no one has ever treated me this well. She’s really a […]

Would you leave your life behind for some crazy, cult-like ranch?

I don’t know exactly what I’m running away from.. I don’t hate my life, my family, my friends.. it’s just, so much work for so little. It feels like life takes more of a mental toll on me then it does for most others, I think way too much about consequence&repercussions, “what if” scenerios/daydreams that border on hallucinations…

I think way too hard about what I’ve said and done, analyzing without my say so.. I can’t stop being me. My brain hurts, i’m so tired, I just want to lay down and sleep. There’s always an […]

I found a song that describes exactly how I feel every second of everyday. Here are the lyrics, I do not mean to break any rules by posting this, I just mean to share myself with anyone who will take a glance.

City Lights by Motionless in White

Paralyzed by my envy of the night
I am lost without you here and outside it looks like rain
For the last time, I bleed myself dry tonight
And nothing I could ever write, will help you understand this life
There’s so much beauty when your eyes lay lost in all the city lights
The wax will drip as […]

Sometimes I wonder if the theory that all human’s imaginations & fantasy (like in video-games, movies) are indeed our subsconcious trying to connect into another multiverse/dimension/life…

really wish it’s true..

this so-called “real world” fucking sucks, and also its majority of people/society sucks like shits
I feel disgusted and even misanthrope, hating human beings so much…so full of shallow & ignorant idiots caring & looking only for stupid things (with only some or few exceptions sometimes, like the creator of this beautiful artwork above..) !..

Since i am no longer consulting in suicide(well, i try to quit every week or so but always fall)i decidet to write a little story on how i became the suicide consult.

My mother was raped in Ethiopia in 1981 She was not offered abortion as an alternative and was forced to abandone me in the Black Lion hospital in the capital Addis Ababa.

In Ethiopia black children were traciked to white families ever since the 1960’s under the disguise of “international adoption” It was a very “hys hys” activity. Not many people knew about it at all, and it was not reported in the local or […]

I’m a 14 year old girl. I’ve never been abused. I’ve been verbally picked on just a little, and by my brother but thats not supposed to count. I’m suicidal. It scares me. If you think you can help, go ahead.

As of late, I’ve been seriously weighing the options of committing suicide. Not just because of my loss, but just general unhappiness. I haven’t been happy since- well I can’t remember when. I’m not even sure if I would know what happiness is, even if it slapped me in the face. Faking a smile is getting to tiresome, my cheeks are sore. I just don’t want to have to deal with it any more. Finding reasons why suicide isn’t the best option is getting more and more difficult with each passing day, I’ve been contemplating for about 4 years? Roughly 1500 days. Enough is enough? […]

I never intended to say yes when he asked to marry me, it was all out of emotion. Of course I loved him, more than I have ever loved anyone. He made me into the happiest girl, he stopped me from hurting myself again when I wanted to so badly and he gave me faith in love. I believed every word he said, no matter what it was…and that was my first mistake.
He claimed he loved me and would do anything for me, but there were all these things I didn’t know and all these things he wouldn’t tell. He’s the type […]

My mom, everyday I ask her when I’m going to see the psychiatrist and every day she says she is waiting to hear back from them. This has been going on for 3 weeks, I know she is lying to me, she doesn’t want to help me. She knows I want to kill myself, she knows about how I cut myself every-night, she knows I drink all the time too, and what does she do about it, what does she do to help me? nothing, absolutely nothing. She’s my own mother and she wont help me! I have to get my friend to drive me […]

So it just seems that everyday is a hassle now. Between school family and friends it’s hard to find time for. Things that make me happy. My dAd grounded me to where I can’t leave the house besides school and I can only have girls over. Why am I grounded? He found out about sex drugs alchohal just everything bad and yeah so I’m more depressed then ever.being at home All the time gives me time to think about things like Suicide and it seems like everyday that thougt comes to mind. And it’s not like I’m one of those kids that’s like life sucks […]