General

Ok,
I have only ever posted here once before and the responses I received were very kind and insightful.
I will do my best to keep the post short and direct but I have questions for many of you due to your age. I am 36 and Bi-polar. I have suffered through the meds, manic episodes, and depression over and over again like many of you.
I have noticed many of you are very young and to hear your stories or plans to end your lives make me feel like I did so many years ago and still unto this day. I would like to […]

Well… Latly I’ve been extreamly deprest… My parents think I’m always on drugs.. so I’ve been grounded for three mouths. When the truth is I’ve been clean for about six… But they dont belive me.. Ane when ever I ask them when I can go out and do stuff again.. they ground me longer. So I havent asked in a mouth. But I moved back here to be with my friends.. and when I can see them… Everyday. Suicide is the first thing that pops into my mind.. thats all I think about anymore.. When I’m gonna do it, how I’m gonna do it. Where […]

ok so i joined this site cuz I think i’ve reached my breaking point and i just wish someone or anything can help me because i dont think i can take this anymore.. Im 18 years old and since i can remember ive pretty much hated myself.. I started cutting when I was 12 and have been doing it on and off since(wow i didnt realize its been so long since i just typed that smh)..I honestly dont feel alive..I go day to day as a zombie just waiting for the day to finish..when i get something thats good in my […]

Sometimes, when i feel like a shit, i play one game. Donno how to explain, It helps to go through the stress or depression episode.

So i look to myself like to another person, like looking from up, like looking to another person. Seeing just body, no brain. Anything i do i pretend to look from up, like to some strange person. Analysing how does it look like. After some time i see that i look kinda kool. When i like my decisions – i am proud, when i dont like – i pretend its another person. :]

Really hard to explain. It’s like not being in […]

I cant stop crying, i cant stop imaging ways to kill my self, i cant stop thinking about being dead. I want out. I want to die. I just want it to all be over, Why was i even born.

Last year, my daughter went  down to the garage, tied one end of a belt to a rafter and the other end around her neck, and kicked the chair that she stood on away.

Of course, the belt wasn’t tied tight enough on either end to support her, and she fell to the floor.  After I found her laying there, I pulled a thick rope from my workbench and showed her how to tie a knot.  Then I showed her where I kept the Glock.

I’ve always wanted to kill myself.  How sweet would that be?  No more blackness, pain.  Feeling like a dog who’s been run over by […]

I feel like(my motto for the last 2-3 years)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

i may be stressed an di may have a lot on my plate to deal with at the moment but id be more then happy to help anyone who just needs someone to talk to.

i feel as if im trying so hard to please everyone but just cant do it. i cant plaese anyone because im me. i may pretend to be a big ball of energy but in reality im nt im trying sooooooo hard and i get nothing at all.the strength i used to have is gone now.  the only person i seem to be good enough for is hailey and shes 3 so its not that hard to please her. i can have the best grades in the whole school but im still ganna get called stupid so whats the point in even trying anymore? i […]

I think I may have shifted my seat to the passenger while I let my best friends suicide take the driver seat off a cliff that dragging us both down now. Go dhow I wish I could have spoken to him better before ghe went. I’ve tried to kill myself a few times since then, but they weren’t actual attempts. just drunken cries for help, spoke to know one who would listen. I was a drunk man alone and desperate looking for answers that weren’t there. I want to just fin ish this fake race right now.. but friends and family hold me back. If […]

Looked out at the stars tonight. how they shined so bright… makes me remiss on our past. and how childhood could feel so blind. I wish you were still here. and not a day goes by where I don’t think of our last day.  I miss you my brother, my friend, my teacher and hopefully my guardian.

Tonight was the final deathblow. The last few weeks I have been very distant, and I haven’t really kept in contact with anyone, as everytime I go to call someone, a feeling/suspicion that they don’t want to talk to me prevents me from calling. Anyway tonight I was in town and I got blown off by someone I was going to meet. So I tried calling a few friends, and it seems my feeling/suspicion was correct. Not one person who I thought I still had a shred of a connection with picked up their phone. Many more failed attempts at getting through and a few […]

I have been wanting to do it for years yet I have noticed that if i am to go through with it focus is whats needed. Focus and keeping everything locked up inside and not release any of it. I used to talk it out, then afterwords feel kind of better but regrettfull that I talked it out because I released that energy. When I used to talk out my issues I still felt suicide was the only option aferwards but did not have enough energy to do so. Often now even when I am happy (not often) I still know what I must do. Helium […]

I have mixed feelings about suicide. Part of me is so ready to be done with this life. And then there is a part of me that wonders if things will get better if I just give it more time. I have attempted suicide in the past – my first attempt was almost five years ago. I had two more attempts after that. But I was always found and treated. I spent the next few years in mental hospitals and treatment programs, trying to find a way to get better from the crippling depression that […]

This is just a little message to all of you who think your friends dont care.

A lot of my friends are suicidal and/or depressed. It’s rather torturous I gotta tell you. When you’re trying to help a friend your first thought of the day is never whats for breakfast, I should take a shower, etc. It’s “God I sure hope none of my friends killed themselves last night.” At the end of the day you worry if this will be the last time you ever see your friend. You lay in bed at night thinking “Fuck I sure hope I convinced them lifes worth living” […]