General

i really dnt understand im happy but emotionally drained. sometimes i dread goin home because i know i have  a 3 yr old screaming in my ear and so much to get dne. its so hare to wake up and get motivated and readyu yfor school. i didnt think beeing a 17 year old was this hard. i wish i had could just get an engery boost and get it al done but ti dnt see tht happinig any time soon:/ oh well be glad whens it dne with

You said you’d always be there for me. You said I was the only one. You said I was the best for you. I know I left. But you said you would wait. I came back. Where’d you go? For months we had mixed feelings. And I said I would come back… Here I am for the taking. Why her? Why not me? Is she that much better? I guess our relationship was all a lie. When I needed you the most you left. I can’t chase you forever. Maybe this should be the end of everything for us. We could have had it all. […]

I sit here in the darkness, lit only by my monitor and the light from the kitchen and I want to die. I want to die. It sounds so simple to say out loud, but I can’t utter a word.

Understand i have never been physically abused, suffered from alcoholism or eating disorders, etc that might trigger this. I come from a good home, with a good if unconventional family and have a husband who I love but don’t deserve. I have a steady job and a place to live. Yet, I want to die.

All my life I have been a failure at everything. I thought […]

I’m dreaming about how it’s gonna end..
Lying on the sofa,
Feeling crazy, feeling beaten, broken.
I’m thinking I’m suicidal
Idle, Lying here, idling the time away.
Dreaming of the final day and the ultimate escape.
I want a peaceful way, a gentle way, drifting into eternal sleep..
Sleep that knits the ravelled sleeve of care..
Sleep that takes me beyond the need of care.
Yes, thinking of suicide,’ suic’ idol..
Have I made an idol out of Death?
Has Death deceived me by displacing Life?
Eternal Life that I received when I was young?
Life that promised so much..
Life that I’ve trampled upon […]

I feel the end is near. for the past 5 months i have been thinking about suicide. I have tried 3 times with every attempt ending in failure. all 3 attempts i have tried hanging myself and i get scared right as i start to black out. Im scared of the unknown. Im not religious but do believe that there is somethin out there that is greater than this shit hole of a world we live in. I find myself wondering if the relgious people are right. If i commit suicide will i burn in hell for eternity? or will i just simply be dead and nothing […]

I have never had feelings of suicide … I have had many friends commit suicide and it breaks my heart to think with a friendship and understanding and some hope, you can change. I give great advice and can see an upside to some things in your life you may dwell on. I can help you find what makes you happy, and help you with the moves you can make to get out of your current situation and find the good in life. Life is tough for everyone, can we find what would make you happy?

Please email me … Im 24, currently living in Las […]

It sounds so stupid but I need to play hockey. It’s my only release. The only thing that completely washes everything away. It was one of the reasons I moved back home, so I could have that release to feel better and be healthier mentally. But now I’m injured and it’s so stupid how important a game is to me. I’m not even good at it, it’s not like I’m going to ever play pro. I just love it. Music was my second best release, but it still depressed me and I usually end up writing depressing songs (all of the ones I’ve written are) […]

its very hot the heat is very hot. Its very hot but my hands and feet are cold? the fan isnt on. but my hands and feet are cold. Why is that? Has anyone ever thought about burning theirselves to death? Anyone has try it. It got me thinking. Its painful, a lot of skin will be damage and your internal organs will be cook. But just a though. Burning to death? Is it the only most painful way to go?

I love art. I love art because it’s the closest you can ever get to real magic.

I hate myself because I don’t have the magic.

I’ve wanted to go for a long time, but I’m still here because I want to learn how to make the magic.

Why are you still here?

I’m laying here looking out the window..it’s been pouring all day, and the sky is so dark..you can’t see 2 feet in front of you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat..hell, I broke my foot and a toe..I can’t even walk. So I’m just laying here staring into the gray outside. I can’t stop thinking about them..about how nothing can bring them back..it was a fiancee and daughter, if anyone reading this was wondering. She was a little over a year old, and the most adorable thing ever..she’d play this peek a boo game with a blanket. I think I made a post about it […]

I’ve been trying to be okay with life but it seems to be getting hard every day. I keep having dreams about being raped and almost killed. Then I also have dreams about killing myself and no one ever finding out what happened to me. Will these dreams ever stop? My dad is an asshole and gets mad about everything and at my job I get screamed at for things I didn’t do that others did. I try and be happy but everywhere I turn people try and ruin everything I’m trying to change for myself. I want to be happy and be able to […]

moral of the story.. at least i’m high as fuck.. (uppers)

What are your expectations of it?

Hi, I was wondering if anyone knows the logistics of how to grab an officer’s gun out of their holster (this is WAY harder than it sounds–holsters are made carefully to fight against this).  If I can pull it off though, I wonder if I could put it to my head and pull the trigger in a way that would spatter brain matter all over the judge, my retard attorney, and the ****** prosecutor together.  With any luck I could ruin all of their lives forever (and make the news, dramatically!) while simultaneously taking myself out of this godforesaken meaningless world.  I would need to […]

Okay so i’m thinking of maybe doing partial hanging

so i have 2 sweatpants ropes or whatever tied together, i have a few of these type of ropes, 4 actually, should i spin some of them together to make it stronger?

but idk, it might fuck it up so it doesn’t tighten as well

Okay so i got out of the depression for a while, found my way back into music.

But now i’m depressed again and i’ll prolly give up music again, i’m looking for a new method to end it all with, my friend, won’t say his name, tried my method and it didn’t work, and i don’t even know if i’m doing it right, i think i used to get it right, but yeah, gonna look around for some methods now.

If i can’t find anything i’ll prolly go back to my old method, ligature asphyxiation

Ive done it again. I know I should not self-harm but I just love the feeling. I’m addicted to the pain. Not a good thing. I like the pain that go thrugh my body when I self-harm. I dont know how to stop. Any tips? I do it cause I’m addicted to the pain and it helps when I’m sad.