General

have you ever loved someone so much that you cry for them ever night? that you would die for them? that you still love them even though they’re emotionally torturing you? that they make you want to commit suicide, but you still love them anyway and you have no clue why? well thats me pretty much. and dont tell me I shouldn’t love him because he’s hurting me mentally, because I love him beyond the depths of the earth, that barely explains my love for him, I wish he knew what he’s doing to me.:(

OH and does anyone know how to take away emotional pain […]

Wow, this is really long. If you are looking for help or advice or just some things to think about, read the last paragraph or 2. Most of this is my life story, enjoy.

I’m Ben. I’m 17 years old, and I live in Dayton, Ohio. Well, where do I start? I was born in Dayton in one of the worst hospitals in the state. When I was a baby, we lived in a terrible neighborhood on the southeast side of Dayton. My older brother, Matt has has high-functioning Autism. All my life he has been my best-friend. You couldn’t split us apart. He was the […]

fuck man.!!……a dated meh fr 4 mnths..:(.!! he broked up with me..bt he said me he still love me……even i did ..rather DO.!……he nw abuses meh.:(>.! whole schul says i am one of the best girls..>bt he..????????? don gt him..!……..every1 says his entetion were just 2 kiss meh..:(.! i am just 13.! bt i tried 2 kill my self 4 tymes…nt just only fr him bt more bad reasons…..i don get nw wat 2 du..??…i have seperated my self frm my family coz of my duings….dey don trust me snymore..:(….i am alone…it hurts alot!………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………me living bt still dying……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..wats de need me suiciding..:(

So I got help yesterday. I told my doctor about one
Recent suicide attempt. I LIED. I refused to tell her
about the other 10 times I had tried and didn’t mention
anorexia or my panic attacks.

My friend said if I fucked up my life while she was in Italy,she would never forgive me. She is coming back in 12 days and I’m still a suicidal freak. What to do?!?!?

I know what you might say-she’s not a real friend if she doesn’t stick by me? But it’s not like that. I’ve been this suicidal girl for about 8 months now And it gets tiring […]

I’m sick of this short-term bullshit.

I want to fall in love with an amazing guy.

I want to be able to say that I didn’t run away from him because I got scared of caring too much.

I want to be able to joke around and be my nerdy self with him.

I want to be able to feel somewhat careless around him because I know he’ll love me no matter what.

I’m done with these clingy little flings.

All they’re doing is pissing me off, though it’s mainly my fault they’ve failed.

Hopefully I’ll be better with it all by the time I can say I’ve truly fallen in love.

Here’s […]

Does anyone want to end their live but just does not want to hurt the ones around them? I tried to commit suicide 5 years ago at the age of 17. I was really depressed and just wanted out. Needless to say it did not take and I am still here.

My brother died 3 years ago accidentally and I saw my family devastated by it. I don’t think I could put them through that with a suicide. But I would love nothing more than to die. I know there is something wrong with me psychologically, but I […]

Can you make the sadness go away? How can i take every day and turn it into something beautiful? i find sometimes that it’s not really where you are  or what situation you are in but more so the kind of eyes you have and are using to view the situation, I feel the pain of everyone but also i see something beautiful within EVERYONE i meet no matter how terrible they may seem or think themselves to be, I know i’m completely crazy and that one day i will write the Final note to the ones i love, but i just wanna vent sometimes […]

i am absolutely fed up with my family. I feel like screaming and crying. I want to pound my fists on something. I wish i knew where my box knife was. I would put myself in the hospital right now. I dont have enough meds. My knife is missing and the whole world is against me. The man i love is MIA. I dint know what to do. I just want to completely give up. Just thinking about it makes my head spin and now im getting a headache. The last time i cut i was so pissed off and irrate i didnt feel it. […]

As I just sit here and dawn on what I have been going threw I could go on for years it is literally the worst I went from having everything I wanted to nothing! My gamut use to be so close I felt like my mom nd stepdad slowly deteriorated that. My real dad died before I was born I feel like my siblings bound together closer because they seen him and I haven’t! Yes I was looking at my step dad as my real dad but hey that was the only dad I knew. My mom is evil all she does is scream and […]

I’m having a lot of trouble lately. I thought I was doing better, things really seemed to be looking up for the past month or so. But the last week it’s just been getting worse and worse. I can’t be with myself anymore without wanting to disappear. It’s like I get 10 minutes alone and then all of a sudden all of the thoughts and feelings come rushing back in and it feels like I can’t breathe. Any longer and I start to realize that nothing will ever go back to the way it used to be, the way it should be. Why can’t I […]

I’m alone. I’m alone all of the time. I just want to see someone. I just want to talk to someone. I just want to hold someone. But I have no-one. I am alone.

This feeling, it fills me up every second of every minute of every hour of every day. This feeling is loneliness. I’m in a place that has no doors. I am stuck.

I just want to end this pain. I’ve spent to long hoping it will get better. It doesn’t. Even when I think it does. I soon realise it doesn’t.

There are no more plans. The alphabet of plans has come to an […]

Harrowing senses of guilt and despair fill my mind with bitter persistence / Helpless in the wars I wage against myself, I’m a casualty of my own existence / Death always seemed so far away, now I’m closing the distance / Lacking an explanation for my degradation, I lash out in frustration / Ready to step, off the edge, I fill my thoughts with memories of you / I pour out my sentiment and leave it hanging on the wall / The crowd gathers round, witness to the fall / I dive right in, my eyes wide open / What’s left of me, distorted and […]

in church one day the guy was talking about hell as an eternal torture that never ends and how it comes to those that deserve. i dont ever go to church but i feel if god was so great all gods creations would go to heaven there would be no eternal hell for anyone.. i dont know why they cant realize this but oh well. maybe when i end it i’ll be there in the place they so casually talked about as a place they wouldnt wish on thier worst enemy.

I had a good childhood. Even though my parents beat me and psychologically tormented me, I was strong enough as a kid to preserve my own sanity in the midst of insane surroundings.

But now, at 25, the manifestations of my parent’s style of upbringing are undeniable. I crave close relationships with people around me, but because of the pain associated with close relationships that I experienced as a child, I let people know about 10% of the real me, then cut them out, or isolate myself. It has been a constant cycle, and to this day I have no real friends I can have a […]

today a boy asked me if i could imagine ever spending my life with someone…

i thought about it…

then he asked me if i could ever imagine anyone wanting to spend their life with me?

i kept listening…

then he told me he couldnt imagine it.

he told me that he couldn’t imagine anyone would want to spend a large amount of time with me, just because its me. he also told me that as hard as it is to imagine someone liking me, he struggles even more to imagine someone loving me, and asked if i could imagine someone ever loving me.

my chest sunk

this conversation went on for […]

When I came home from my father’s house I thought I was going to have a relaxing time at home, getting my summer project done for school, making sure I had everything set and ready for my last year in high school, all the stuff that comes with the end of the summer.

My mother, being my mother, had a whole different idea though to celebrate my less then happy return.

LAS VEGAS.

Now, I’m not saying anything against the so appropriately named “Sin City” but it did occur to me that maybe I needed the vacation, just to get my mind off of somethings. I was wrong.

I […]

I like to go to a website called Literotica, not always for arousal, but usually to read romance stories.  To read stories about people in love, or friends that have always liked each other, or other things like that.  But usually I just get sad.  I wish it was me in that story.  I wish I knew what love and romance felt like, to feel that someone in this world has an undying love for me, that someone would have a butterflies in the stomach feeling for me and would just be content with holding each other and expressing our love until one day we […]

I’m tired of you fucking yelling at me.. I’M TIRED OF FUCKING BEING EXPECTED TO TAKE IT!!!!

Fuck you.

Look What You\'ve Done

Greatest song ever! Brings tears to my eyes every time i play it. Thought i just might share it with everyone on here. And also i thought it would be better to play it with the lyrics insted of watching the video. ^ -^ Enjoy.

I guess i shouldn’t write a whole story about my life, it’s not really worth telling not in this time anyway, Every day has become a Dream of death i’m finally starting to formulate a plan i  think i can stick to,I’m sorry if this depresses anyone or makes you feel ill, but my story is not a happy one and this is the saddest part, How i give up.

Sometimes i think about things in life and they seem so fucking beautiful but they are so god damned tragic also, i wish i didn’t see things this way cause i feel the pain of the […]