i am absolutely fed up with my family. I feel like screaming and crying. I want to pound my fists on something. I wish i knew where my box knife was. I would put myself in the hospital right now. I dont have enough meds. My knife is missing and the whole world is against me. The man i love is MIA. I dint know what to do. I just want to completely give up. Just thinking about it makes my head spin and now im getting a headache. The last time i cut i was so pissed off and irrate i didnt feel it. […]
pshychotic_lette
its been a couple of months since i last wrote something, i wish i could say im better but i am worse. i went on a two week vacation in july. .I had a great time, i met a guy, i fell in love with him, but i cant be with him. im back home with my mom and stepdad. The first week back was hell, everytime i turned around i was being bitched at for no reason. I finally got fed up, i took the box knife that was just sitting there out in the open the blade was glinting in the light,i took […]
I hate my life!!!! let the world fucking end i’d be so happy. Then I would be better off. Im tired of bulshit. Im tired of everything. I turn 18 the day the world ends. Im estatic. Cant ya tell.
I want to sleep a deep sleep and never wake up. Im so depressed and i refuse to take my medicine.
well can i??
My boyfriend tried to kill himself last week. he stuck his hand through a glass window. He called me and left a voicemail. I was so scared. so Well who would guess. I wanted to die too. I started cutting, and when i got to school i went to the bathroom and cut some more. When i got home he called me and said that the bleeding had stopped and that he was still alive. I cried with releif. But i was still scared and i told him that i was scared and that i couldnt function right because of him. He told me he […]
i guess i stressed myself out so bad that i made myself puke today in class. not fun. i started to do some really bad things this weekend. I told my bf that i’d quit but its hard to quit something like what im doing. it makes me feel great. what to do about stress? about addiction? help????!!!!!
ya i know its been awhile…. well i’m no better off than i was the last time i was on here.
The only good thing i haven’t killed myself. I havent been eating or taking my meds. My mom thinks I’m going to go mental. My boyfriend well he isn’t exactly in the loop. I hide it from him. It hurts so much not to tell him that im depressed. Idk what to do? Advice? I dont want to lose him but i dont want him to know that im depressed and that everytime he asks me whats wrong i always put up a front and […]
spent saturday in the E.R. only to be diagnosed with fucking Bells Palsy. It’s tough and i hate it.The Doctor put me on a steroid and an antibiotic that makes me feel like shit….. I feel like im going to puke and its hard enough to concentrate in class when I just feel like screaming and running out of the building until I pass out.  I hate hospitals and doctors. I never recieve any good news from them its always the bad stuff “your uncle may not live”, “your baby brother died, the dr. fucked up”, ” the didn’t fix his hip only for a short time, […]
Today I asked myself who I am today?
Today I do not know who I am today…
Things are just no t working out in my world today…
I am definetly not myself today…. wishin’ I had some novacaine…..
My right side of my face is numb…. now a headache arises and causes more pain..
Let it all end and let me movve on in a sweet way that i may rest peacedefully but not in sleep but in death……
That I may actually enjoy…… Yes I admit I am Scared…….Of what you may ask…..
Honestly I cannot explain it but I am scared, and scarred as well……
Take the pain away and […]
I cant explain why I feel the way I feel. I want to cry all the time. I make excuses when I’m up past midnight. I can’t shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen. I hide behind a pained smile. It fools everyone around me but they can’t truly see what I feel on the inside. I’m a good student but it doesn’t make a difference. I have no idea how to deal with the emotional turmoil that I encounter. I’ll cry a hundred times over but still nothing ever seems to change. a brand new pack of cigarettes two gone after each […]
I was reading a book and then all of a sudden i get the sudden urge to cut, scream, get stupid, and do more drugs. i want to get high and live life….. i think…. i want to die…… i want to get drunk ….. i want to do all of these things just because of a fucking book. i dont know what to do!!! i wanna cut, drink, smoke, snort, smoke weed. i want to pop more pills and keep going until i can’t anymore. i want to do it all and then just DIE!!!! its like a rush that i can’t help that […]
SOS pads. thats where the cuts on my arm came from….. wow those work wonders??? i can clean my skin and cut too!!! yay…… im so depressed…… even with my meds in my system im still depressed. but i looked it up and it says a side effect would be suicidal thoughts. so i guess thats why. my meds are suppose to help. bu thtey dont to my parents things have gotten better but if they really knew they would know things are slowly plummiting. but for now let them think hte cat scratched me. I hate my mood swings and i hate feeling so […]
Can I die? Do I have to keep living in this darkened hell we call earth? Everywhere there is suffering? They suffer unwillingly. I willingly want to suffer. I want to die. I want to be in pain. It’d be another reason to take the pills I long to take bu to no avail. this pisses me offf. I don’t understand why I have to sit here and put up with everyones bullshit, I pretend to be someone I sure the hell am not. I’m not a happy fun person. I’m an antisocial lette. (If you don’t know what that is…look it up) I hate everyday […]
So i thought things would be so much better after all that crap from last week but its gotten a bit worse. this morning i woke up with scratches on my arms and i have no idea where they came from. and everything is all just going to hell for me. Everything is just the same as it was last week. i really dont kow anymore.
stupid ***** from school wsa talking about me in front of me to her friends in my english class. i wasnt doing anything but minding my own business. i was so pissed and my mom came into my school today to talk to my administrator. i feel like crying im so pissed off and im shaking i mean ya i took my meds but im still pissed off. Yesterday when i was waitng fo rmy bus she started cussing at me because her brother was served with papers. Im so fed up i feel ike crying and im ready to go home. i feel like […]
so now that title says alot well heres some more. i cant take it anymore. i was so pissed off last night that i didnt even eat dinner, im starting to skip meals and all kinds of stuff ya my parents are worried about me big deal. i wish i had a way out. im ready to give up.
anyone know what to do??? ugh:(
he was the one guy i could talk to, the one guy i felt safe with. I can’t stand the t hought of him being with someone else. Things just seem to spin out of control when his name shows up on my caller i.d. or a text message. He held me when i was upset and now i have no one. i don’t feel safe not even in my own home let alone in my own mind. i have bruises everywhere andscars on my wrists. he doesn’t know about them atleast i dont think he does. if he does he hasnt said so. i cant […]
so last night i busted up my hand with a hammer, by accident. i was trying to open a can of paint, because i couldnt find a screw driver.then i fell and twisted my damn ankle, and even more so im ready to put my uncle in the hospital, i have so many bruises from fighting wiht him, and last night he smacked my arm with a level, he said he didnt smack me that hard well ya he did, i have a welt. yes i am extremely pissed off. and to top it all off, i barely got any sleep last night and i […]
I finally realized I’m not the only who feels like their life is a living hell. And i also realized that i’m not the only one who wants to just disapear off the face of the earth. Sometimes i feel like taking some alcoholic beverage from my parents room and just drinking until i pass out. This sounds like so much fun to me. but so does taking 3 motrin 800mg and then passing out until two days later. Now i feel like breaking down, i wish i had a shoulder to cry or a guy to hold me tightly in his arms while my […]
It means exactly what it says. I woke up to thunder and lightening today. i am so paranoid, and i have a headache. ugh this sucks. Someone actually asked me if i was pskitzophrenic or something. I mean i took my meds, but im still phsycho. And its suppose to rain all week, i hate it this means more ibprofun inmy system because of headaches. ugh. oh and i started excercising, i went for a jog yesterday. see what i mean about being paranoid im also very easily distracted. ugh.