General

I’ve discovered that I no longer feel anything, & it’s turned me into a cold, uncaring, ***** of a person. But yet I still have friends. It doesn’t make sense. Anyways. I don’t even know why I’m bothering on here. It’s not like anyone seriously reads this shit. LOL. & I’m still wasting my time. This world is going to shit & I’m about to get the hell out of here before things start to overwhelm me. Bye.

i am 37, male
my girlfriend of 2.5 years left me. she was my entire world, i met her after ending a 13 year marriage in which i was not happy. my girl taught me what true love was , something i had never felt before- never knew it existed. our relationship was completely honest, no secrets, no lies. and i came to believe her feelings for me were as strong. we were inseperatable, nothing was more important to us than time together. just the touch of her skin made me tingle, everytime. my love for her grew stronger every day. i worshipped her, provided […]

Sticks and stones
May break mine bones
But words can never hurt me.
Sticks and stones
Are thrown at me
Bruising my head and ribs.
Insults are harsher
Laughter is louder
They said words can never hurt me
They are right…
I’m not hurt at all
I’m torment.

I don’t want advice.  I don’t even know if I want someone to listen.

I don’t know who to talk to.   I don’t know who would care.

I don’t even care if anyone cares.   I don’t know of anything that can help me.

Maybe getting some of this out, and telling complete strangers about me, might help. It  seems to have helped others on this site.

I am have a duel-diagnosis; I am a recovering meth addict, I have severe A.D.H.D, anxiety, and depression.

My family has a strong history of mental illness, which I have been oblivious and ignorant to in some ways, but has caused me […]

Party of one. In Anna’s room. Bring your own chips man. Sleeping on the couch in my room cause my bed doesn’t want me. I don’t blame him I don’t take up much space just a sliver. What kind of music will you be playing at this one man party why only the good kind of course. Ohhh ok boss just checking. Big dance floor. Pew pew crash on the floor where I cry by myself. Best part about being borderline insane is you can hold a conversation with yourself. That’s right I’m talented. Don’t hate. Even better when nobody cates about you and you […]

He loved me. He told me I was beautiful, smart, fun, and that he wanted to be with me forever. He made my heart feel warm inside, I could have lit up the whole world. Then he told me it wasn’t meant to be. My heart felt as cold as ice. I had been traumatized. now all that’s left inside me is emptiness. what did I do wrong? did I say something? why do I have to hurt so much…I lie awake every night crying out a storm, wondering what I did or said. I used to cut my wrist just to feel the pain. […]

So cold is my dark room shrouded in black, none of the beautiful summer sunlight reaches in here. Scared of the outside world but also scared of my own heaven. So summer is here and I’m no longer trapped in school, but what does that matter, at least school was a place to escape, now I have nothing, but be trapped home all summer, I wish I had my license at least but I don’t, who is happy when your trapped at home all summer, I don’t know if itll help but I’m going to ask my mom for a counselor, why? To have something […]

I dont know why. I dont know what had trigger it. But i really want to cry right now. I feel so sad right now i just want to bang mine head on the table repeatly.

I don’t believe in heaven or whatever it holds. Honestly, I only believe in hell. Although I don’t see how the devil or whatever else is suppost to be in there is real. Whoever made this shit up was high or trunk. Who the hell makes up crazy shit like that? Heaven is just the same. Besides, how do we know heaven is in the sky and hell is under the ground? There’s no proof of that so why should I believe in god and his shit? I have proof for hell though. Because, honestly, I’m living in it.

if you have time to read this, please do. and please comment if you want, thanks.

being a teen and all, of course, there’s this guy that I’m so deeply in love with, he knows that but doesn’t love me anymore. we talked, literally about everything, not gonna go into details, though. he unlocked my heart, and for a few months he took great, no, PERFECT care of it. Then that day came when he said us being together is a mistake. he lacerated, burned, broke, abused, and ripped my heart out. I still love him, because I am nothing without him. He has moved on, […]

It’s an abysmal scenario and you are fodder for it’s carnivorous hunger – know it. Take control or the next generation will be fighting you as you fight today’s monsters. Make a choice.

life is stupid. I hate myself, I hate the way I look. I know I’m pretty, people always tell me that, but there’s no one to love me. I want someone to love me, I guess like a boyfriend. I need a lot of TLC (tender loving care). I’m talented,  I can be funny, but there’s no one to share it with. no friends to talk to. I hate my stupid life. public schools and youth group at church messed me up. they were all so cruel. sure, I had friends, but none of them understood me. In my […]

It’s heavily storming right now and my room is illuminated by the frequent lightning.

All I want to do is to go out into the rain and drive down to the shore.

I imagine myself on the beach, embracing the rain and digging a metal rod into the sand.

Holding on, waiting for the light to take me away.

So, the pressure in an industrial ******** tank is actually 200bar. The flow fitting that i am buying for a Helium tank should work perfectly. I have pictures of the companies hydrogen tanks, and it’s a perfect fit! No reason to suspect ******** would be any different. Size is also quite nice. Fits nicely into the backtrunk of an averadge taxi. Still enough ******** there to “knock me out”

The people in the store where i rent the gass will ofcourse ask me to buy some of there fittings. However that should not be a problem(“God! I didn’t know the fittings cost THIS MUCH!”)

Yes, things are […]