General

I just want to feel alive.
And love myself from the in and the outside.
‘Cause every time that I start to feel whole,
I knock myself on the ground because it’s all that I’ve known

Just like the streets burn a hole through your shoe.
My soul has been worn out too,
I’m 25 and I still don’t fit in
Directionless, like a blind man painting

Mother I’m so sorry, I can’t go on like this.
The lifeboats are leaving with or without me.
What’s the point of falling in love?
If I don’t love myself.
What’s the point of being alive if all I want […]

im sitting in math class. i sit by myself. front row seat right by the window. i dont like math. or the people in it. theres a couole in the back row that are basically boning…it looks like they’re in love…lucky fucks…in the other corner theres a group. the pretty girls and the pretty guys. they are talking about sex as if it were a show. im envious of them..they like waking up in the morning. why do i have to be in math right now. i dont like math

If you were rich enough to spend your life luxuriously without having to worry about making money anymore, would you still want to die?

Me – no.

i see people everyday.

people i talk to.

people that walk past me in the street,

people that never frown.

people full of confidence, always surrounded by friends.

and i always wonder, when they go home…

do the shaddows creep up on them too?

do they fall into the hole of darkness i find myself in every night?

no one would ever pick me to be here.

doing this…

i run around talking shit.

i laugh and make jokes.

im ‘the happy one’

ones of those people you never see cry

you never see get angry..

is that why this hole sucks me in so easily?

the world is funny like that.

spose nothings as it seems.

I try to think of what the significance of today was and I come up short. I can tell you what I did, when I did it and why but it’s already happened, that moment has passed. And life is just a bunch of passing moments until you come to a brick wall that you just cannot seem to pass. Whether it be chosen or not that moment comes from everyone.

I sit here and I wonder how many other people feel the same way I do, how many people have done the things I’ve done and continued. There are thousands of posts all over this […]

hi my name is marc. i have schizoaffective disorder. it hurts to think..it’s hard to talk..sometimes i feel normal but sometimes it’s difficult to function..complete deterioration and agitation and fear..anxiety..im prescribed a bunch of narcotics..they try to keep my doped up to control my thoughts..my neighbors have been recording me for a long time..they have audio recordings of my movements..i receive ssi benefits and am afraid that one day i’m guna be this dude with a unkempt beard homeless riding my bike around town picking cig butts out of ashtrays..i saw my doc yest and she said i’ll never be homeless cuz of my benefits..that […]

I’m back…I don’t really know why…I guess reading other peoples stories helps me realize I’m not the only one. I take my paxil everyday but I feel a “fake happy” if at all happy what so ever. (I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but me). I just wish I had one person to talk to that I could connect with. No one really cares enough or takes me serious enough to be concerned. I’m just so tired of living and existing this way going thru the motions of everyday life, but feeling so dead to the world. Anyways ill quit […]

I have finally lost it. I have finally gone off the edge of everything. I dont know what happen to me anymore. Im shoving food down my throat and i know thats not good. I just wanted to eat. Eat like i never eaten before. I just want to know whats wrong. I cry today and now im gaining weight by eating. Im suck! I couldnt do one simple thing and i seem to fuck it up. No wonder i have no self-confidence. I seem to fail at what i was trying to do. Ugh im such a pig. Why couldnt i controll this? This […]

I knew it was gonna come to this. I lost it all. Well I’m gonna go quick and easy either memorial day or D-Day. I love you Kristen. I always have. I always will.

it says im logged is as broken…cause i guess thats what i am. its missing the part about being lonely, tired, fed up, beaten, bruised, it says im logged in as broken. broken bones. broken bonds. broken hearted. im like a cheap puzzle that wont stay together even with all the right pieces in all the right places…im logged in as broken and i wanna log out.

I FEEL MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS….EVER SINCE I WAS LITTLE….MY LIFE  HAS ALWAYS BEEN FILLED WITH TONS OF MEANINGLESS EMOTION. IM JUST DONE…………FOR GOOD……….IM SORRY MOM………MY DEATH SHALL NEVER HAVE MEANING………EXCEPT FOR MY MOM WHO WILL NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND……. I COULD NOT GO ON LIVING WHILE  HES OUT N SO HAPPY BUT YET IM STUCK WITH THE BODY HE ONCE TOUCHED…..

This island has become
An ocean and my boat’s too small
The waves are crashing in
And I can’t save this sinking ship

I sent out signal flares
But no one out there seems to care
Now the voice inside my head
Is the only thing that I have left

This is the part where I’ll admit
I’m getting what I deserve

And now I’m lost at sea
I’m drowning in what I won’t be
I’m haunted by the sound (Sweet sound of my last breath)

Twenty days at sea
My skin is blistered from the heat
I can beg and I can plead
But what I get is […]

Well. I’m on academic probation..
I don’t really know how I feel right now; the suicidal thoughts don’t come in ’til much later in the evening. Does anyone happen to have stress-reduction advice and possibly some motivational insight? I’ve got 100 pounds I need to drop.

*bangs her head on a wall*

Well today suck again! I cry since lunch. Every time someone says are you alright i start to cry again. I hate my life and everything surrounding it. I knew i wasnt strong enough. Im so weak its pathietic. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. I dont know if i could even live on. Crying without a reason? Im fucking stupid. I couldnt even controll one simple emotion. Im one fuck up person v- v. Ugh i cant wait to drown myself so i dont have to deal with it anymore.

A girl from my school jumped in front of a bus today. I’m actually home sick, so I wasn’t there when it happened…but, holy shit.

She’s going to survive, it sounds like, but I question how she found the courage to try, when I’ve been mustering up the courage for the last 10 years…

Yesterday I realized that I have panic attacks when I’m near trains or train tracks…probably due to a combination of factors. The girl who killed herself by train not too long ago…and my own plans to do the same…but I worry that when I find the courage to do it like I want…I’ll […]

I feel like just taking my wallet and leaving.
I could get pretty far.
I know people I can stay with.
Even if it would be his dad I’d be staying with.  He’d let me..
If I needed to go, he’d let me.
I’d have it made.

I don’t give a fuck if it wasn’t true.
Right now just watching blood trickle down my skin.
I’m happy I had a real reason.
Even if it wasn’t so real.
Oh well though.
I’m just happy I had a reason to drag that blade across my skin.
Even if it wasn’t real.
5 seconds was enough.
Enough to […]

Ok so I aM almost ready to go, but reading some failed attempts on here is making me nervous. I have the helium hood from GLADD (which btw arrived in 5 days) and 2 baloontime helium tanks. I’ve watched the Final Exit DVD and he makes it seem like it will be simple and painless but I’ve read otherwise on here. Advice or suggestions? Anyone know of anyone who successfully committed this way?

This is my last post on this site. No, I’m not commiting suicide. I just decided that I have so much I still need to do before I die, I have so many people that rely on me and look up to me, I can’t die now. So I hope that at least a few of you come to the decision that I have, because sometimes, and this is just me, when you are dealing with the lows of depression, coming to a site like this one ain’t gonna help you. It just kinda magnifies the pain. Instead, I shall be drowning my emotions in […]