General

I know that there are people that have it a loss worse than I do. Believe me- I’ve been told many times. But I’ve lost most of my vision in the last 4 months and it’s eating me alive. I can’t drive anymore, I keep tripping and knocking stuff over. It’s getting harder and harder to come up with a reason to NOT do it. I know that ending myself would destroy my wife and kids, but so would living with a miserable old blind guy. I’m depressed all the time. I’ve always surrounded myself with beautiful paintings and artwork, but now I can barely […]

Held hands
A warm embrace
A smile
Peace
Success
These have all passed on by
Leaving nothing but a bitter taste
A vague memory of better days
Of love long lost, but never found
Of carefree days, no longer available
Memory
Love
Pride
Meaning
Happiness
These too, have passed on by
Hopelessness settles in
A feeling of despair, of hate
Light fades as darkness grows
And twilight settles in
Resolve
Hope
Friends
Family
Help
Have passed on by
Faded, blown away by the wind
A final act, devoid of emotion
Shows a way to escape, to finally find peace
It too, is passed on by.

I’m 19. A college student at the engineering department.I thought that if i could make it and pass to my college this would make me get rid of depression, fake and painful friendships, broken parent relationships and a life full of misery, full of wretchedness. Apparently non of these are true. My life is falling apart while it seems that noone cares about me.I’m locked in my house almost everyday doing nothing, while l’m living parasitic.The phone almost never rings and when it does it is probably my family for the typical stuff. Yes, i tried therapy and apparently it did me no good. Some […]

Here’s my story.

I grew up with my mom, dad and 3 siblings. I remember my parents loving each other once but it didn’t last long. They stayed together because of us children. I really don’t remember much from my childhood. I know there were happy times but I have no memory of them. What I do remember is dad banging moms head into the wall, mom sleeping on the couch every night, arguing etc.

I have an older brother who ever since i can remember beat me up. I believe he would be classified as a psychopath, would he ever see a therapist. He beat up […]

Strike your heart to the core…or listen on your final day.

Whatever you feel, get right to the bottom of yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GfhuWxa-_I

(original scene here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxJA374OCIQ)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yr1Wmjpw1M

(original here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZoS8jkYvPE)

You know what ive learned from this site? There ins’t the best or painless or easy way of dying. Newsflash: they all will suck, hurt and be difficult to complete.

I had a really bad nightmare, I woke up crying. I dreamed that my family came to the decision that we were going to kill ourselves. So we drenched a bed in gasoline and layed down in it. Then I lit the match and everything was orange and hot. Pretty messed up. Maybe it means, subconciously, i feel like if i kill myself then my family will die too, i burn myself with melted candle wax so that explains the fire.

Ive been in school for 3 years. I wasted the first two because I had bad grades the first year. I had alot going on in my head but mostly I wasted alot of time. Truth be told i was depressed; i ate alot which is why I’m overweight 5’6″ and 195lbs. I also began to cut myself. but I couldn’t even do that right cause i never actually used a knife. I am in school as a Pre-med student and it’s all ive wanted for so long, that for two years ive avoided actually analyzing whether or not I actually want to do it […]

I constantly feel depressed and it’s getting to a point where all i can think of is killing myself, and you know the funny part? I was Hoping to not make it to my 18th birthday which is this Sunday. It gets me even more depressed that I’m still not dead. Is that crazy? I think so. But I could care less, there is absolutely nothing wrong in my life.. at least that could attain from all this sadness I have. My boyfriend.. He’ a good person, but fuck he doesn’t understand my pain. No one does. I hate everything, nothing is ever good enough […]

Dear Me.

Dear nine year old naive girl,
The free spirit inside of you bursts out for the world to see
Your gentle sounding voice is like butter to the ears of others
You’re a precious little gift from God that has yet to be opened.

Dear eleven year old awkward girl,
The tribulations you are going through are weights burning on your shoulders refusing to be dropped.
The cold names throw at you will leave scars on your heart that will never vanish.
Their taunting voice is a broken record in your head that will never stop playing.

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