General

We’re all heading for a terrible trajectory, aren’t we? We wouldn’t be here on SP otherwise.

God, my life is awful. I need to escape this shithole and this shitlife.

in addition to keeping my dog with me 100% of the time, today I broke down and bought a CCTV system, security cameras

for those who missed the intro story; my neighbor is trying to steal natural gas, when he does he creates leaks which endanger everyone nearby, which includes my wife, my dog, and oh yeah, me. Two cats and two other dogs too, but those are technically surplus in my logbook.

I’m stubborn and old though. Not that old, 35, but stubborn I’ve […]

Without getting into an overly long and likely annoying story, I was drunk to blackout and decided to cut myself. So I debated for a while then got upset with myself and cut hard and fast. Immediately I thought, “oh fuck” and slammed the paper towel onto the wound. Panicking I start looking for anything to bandage this monster up with and finding nothing fast, I tell myself to stop being dramatic and it will be fine, lift the towel to assure myself that we’re okay, nope, not okay, definitely need stitches.

FUCK FUCK FUCK
More panic.

More panicking.

Look harder for wound closures or something. Throwing shit […]

im one of those people who can never be invisible even if they want to be.

every time im surrounded by people i feel as if i couldn’t be anymore lonely. even with my friends, my family all i ever feel is that there is a wall and the worst part is that it doesn’t bother me, i feel as if its better this way because if i tore down that wall i would be hurt time and time again just like before. and i doubt i’ll be able to make it through this time.

loneliness silently creeps in and stays with you, growing on you, feeding […]

We’re force fed conflicting messages. In one ear there’s “HELP IS AVAILABLE! REACH OUT!” while in the other ear is “YOU HAVE TO WANT TO GET BETTER! GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES!”

In other words, from birth you’re given 2 completely opposite set of instructions. The 1st says you’re supposed to ask for help, while the 2nd says stop whining, you’re on your own.

Instruction set #1 would’ve been nice, but it never worked for me. Every time I reached out for help I was either ignored, ridiculed or outright exploited. So I went with instruction set #2. And aside from me being totally fucked in […]

I constantly think about suicide—mainly hanging myself—yet I can’t seem to bring myself to do it.

I keep thinking about hanging myself. Tying the noose, putting it around my neck, and the way my body will look afterwards. It plays through my mind constantly.

It comforts me in a strange way. I’ve been going through her and I’s texts lately. It brought back memories and feelings I wish I didn’t have. Whenever the emotions overwhelm me I just think about suicide to push it back down.

Yet I can’t bring myself to do it. I would say I’m tired of being alive and feeling the way I do […]

I know that’s not going to happen, but I wish it would. I can’t seem to fix my own life, no matter what I’ve tried or done. I’m so broken. I’m like pieces of a mirror or glass that’s shattered, and need someone to help me glue the pieces back together.

I’m so tired of a broken life. But now my body and mind is broken as well, so HOW am I going to fix my life now??? :'(

earlier today I spied the exit door, but instead I saw it as a threat to my family….. and now I feel truly awful for slamming the damn thing

I could be dead now, people would be shopping for coffins, instead of offering feeble comfort. My back fence neighbor is committed to stealing natural gas, and if that was all it was good on him trying to beat the system,

but every time he tries he introduces danger into the equation and risks my life and property into the bargain. To think it might have been as easy as lighting a match….. I’m trying to convince myself […]

So many want to escape their life- so do I.
Most people choose drugs to do so- drugs, alcohol, etc- to numb themselves.
I never wanted to go down that rabbit hole, but escape from my shitty reality would feel so good.
Well, I wouldn’t want a temporary illusion that drugs or alcohol could give me- I want real change.

But I am too broken and too fucked up at this point to fix my life. Hell, back when I *DID* have all the energy and determination, all I got was kicked into the dirt. Every time I got back up- shitty people/the Universe- […]

My life is so broken.
*I* am so broken.

I want to leave this clusterfuck of a situation.
Do I want to end my life?
Not necessarily.
Do I want, no, NEED a better life?
I sure fucking do.

Many of us here who are suicidal don’t necessarily want to die die, but want to escape their shitty life. IF we had better lives, better situations, better health, more money, less problems, would we still be so fucked up we’d want to die? Maybe some still would. But I would be much happier/better off if I had a better life. I wouldn’t think […]

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Hear me out, im not stalking you. If you took some AP maybe those persecutionary delusions would go away im not saying that to be mean either….i went through the same thing 6 years ago. Im only on here and reddit btw. The last time you tried to talk to me you started off by saying you didnt want to talk to me all the while i was just there talking to chenoas daughters. You even blamed me for everyone knowing you watch me, you basically admitted you were stalking me and yet you think its me? Ive been on this site even before i […]

This shit is getting so irritating and stressful. I’m actually glad I told myself I’m going to do it come 2025. It’s a funny thing to have it planned out so far away, but I don’t know why I just feel the date is significant and poetic for me. And Two years is not so far away either. Like I can experience a couple things and see a couple things before I go and that timeframe is perfect for me. It’s like a huge vacation I have planned a couple years from now that I am looking forward to, and all the bullshit I’m dealing […]

Why, pray tell, do I always think that getting rid of all of the things that i enjoy in my life is going to significantly improve it somehow? All these fucking guys on youtube and social media man. AND NOT EVEN THAT!

I havent texted my friend for like a week because she ghosted me a few times now and I’m like okay. What’s the issue? But I can’t figure out how to ask her that. 

And then there’s this other girl, who isn’t even good for me, that I for some reason still think about even though I tried to cut contact with her like 3 […]

If you could only have ONE wish, what would it be? (and no wishing for unlimited wishes)

last night, ugh. I’ve been trying to lower my dose accross the board, particularly with sleep trying to get to sleep with the least physically possible. Specifically this is because of my distaste for the limitations of lithium, but all of my sleep meds cause problems in my waking life.

and with two setbacks in a week…. it’s time to admit my approach isn’t working. I was also trying tapering down my day meds, since it’s a huge interconnected mess, and I’d like to be free entirely. Turns out that 11 years of medicating isn’t that easy to reverse. The last time I did it, at […]

it all seems so pointless, like sweeping a dirty floor but you don’t have a dustpan so you keep finding new places to hide the dirt. Now it’s under a table, now it’s behind a bookcase, now it’s in a corner, it doesn’t matter because it’ll never go away.

Well the big ‘news’ is I’ve quit SH (my regular method) going on a month or more. I got sick of cleaning up the mess so I just stopped. But it immediately got channeled into a different vice (back to drugs, which I had quit for most of the year). So there’s that huge pile of dirt […]

I’ve been carrying this self-disgust for a long time now. A large part of me just wants to stop. I don’t have the courage to, but I kind of wish someone else would do it for me. That would be a gift. That would be the compassionate thing to do – just put me out of my misery. I wouldn’t ask anyone to go through that though.

The things I’ve done and the things in my head contaminate everything else I do and am. I can’t see myself or think of myself except in reference to them. They define me. I gave up any claim I […]

I keep thinking about the girl from Arkansas, the strangers who cried for her, wishing they could have somehow known and opened their heart to her.

I do, too. I understood, I’m in the same dark room. I attempted in March, and felt freedom watching my skin turn pale as it flooded my bloodstream. My lungs, the caves in my heart, my […]