the thing is, i don’t understand myself either. i am also a stranger to my own emotions and my own thoughts, my memory doesn’t work anymore too. they ask me what i mean and why i am like this as if i do know, they get mad as if i like being unbearable. i don’t think i have truly talked to anyone is a long while now.. i’ve spoken but not actually talked. i’m always mad too.. and hopeless, and frankly i want to punch every person that tells me it’ll get better.. no it won’t, the problem isn’t that i’m just not trying hard […]
My Suicide Note
why come in my room to talk to me?
only to put me down
to make me feel like im not good enough
i do everything right
you don’t have to make me feel shitty because you hate the way you grew up
you tell me im lucky for how nice you are to me
you also tell me that im a failure because i stay up late doing the homework i can barely do
im not doing this for you
so why critique me on the essence of my work when its not for you
it does not concern you
the reason im so […]
im only 14 and i dont eat. when i do, i purge. i used to be a straight a student but im falling behind. everytime i try to live, it gets harder for me. i sound like an ungrateful wuss for saying id kill myself bc things are too hard. but my energy to keep going decreases everyday. i just wonder if i would, if everyone would be better off if i was gone. i really cant do this.
sincerely, a hopeless nightmare
theres nothing to do anymore, nothing is fun, im stressing over the exams that we will have and lots of shit that we will have to do and who knows maybe i wont get accepted to that highschool that i wanted to go to and ill have to ruin my high school experience and most likely life because of it. u dont know how much i suffer from anxiety everyday, no one understands me, it hurts, i cover my ears and try not to cry and freak out from loud people, im slowly losing myself. i keep snapping and having break downs, i was happy […]
Heute ist der Tag der Tage, dachte ich; vor ein paar Tagen, an meinem Geburtstag; da wollte ich es beenden. Das Leid, das sich durch mein Leben zieht. Hat leider nicht geklappt. Nochmal auf diese Weise werde ich es nicht probieren. Heute wird es drastischer.
Ich denke das ich schon mein ganzes Leben suizidal bin, nur hätte ich es bis vor 9 Jahren nie zugegeben; aus Angst meinen Schöpfer, den ich sehr liebe zu verletzen. Liebe die ich erst für mich finden müsste. Dich dieser Glauben ist passe und ich glaube an keinen anderen Gott als den in mir.
Wie ich in diese Welt […]
I hate everyone
I hate everything
Why am I called a coward for wanting to end my suffering?
Why does my pain not matter to anyone?
Why doesn’t anyone understand?
Why do I hate life so much?
Why does life hate me?
Why can’t I catch a fucking break?
What’s it gonna take?
Where’s God?
Why isn’t he helping?
Will they finally understand after I die?
Will God understand?
Is God real?
It’s like a stone in the pit of my stomach
I can’t get rid of it
The tears
The pain
The immense sadness that no one sees
FUCK
All i wanted […]
I am 16, and I know that I will be dead in a couple of months. Over the last two years, I’ve thought about life and death a lot. It just doesn’t seem to be worth it, living in a world that is deteriorating as I write. I don’t want to slave the rest of my life away at a job either, and pursuing alternative options seem either require money or to be too risky.
There isn’t really a benefit to me living, anyways. When people tell you to not kill yourself, they always bring up family and friends. Whenever I think about how my people […]
I could let myself die, and no one would care or notice.
Ah yes, depression. The thing that’s been haunting me all my life, and just gets worse and worse. There were some points where I would get better for a while. But then I would spiral back into that dreadful state. Crashing harder and further each time. Sometimes I wonder, “when am I finally gonna give up?”
Here’s the thing I’ve never told anyone: I want to die. SO badly…..and it pathetic. It feels like a living hell each second I’m alive. And worst part is, nobody really gives a s***t.
My parents, brothers, and even my extended family quickly dismiss my suicidal ideation. I tell them. […]
i dont know how long i can take it i hope next week ill finally be motivated to go and not be spooked out this time
life is a cliff and ive spent most of it just hanging on and i think ill finally be able to get up then my fingers slip more and people care and want to help but i dont know how to help myself idk i cant keep living like this and i ruin everything i touch and make everyone disappointed or mad im not mentslly ill my life is fine nothings happened?? cant keep coping bc ppl are mad […]
When I was 5 years old my entire 4th grade class yelled out
“We hope you die”
“You are going to die alone”
“Fine, I will do it. Happy!”
“Yeah don’t show up tomorrow!”
Its been 17 years since I was born, my orginal personality or me died that very night. Can you imagine a 5yr old having to decide that action and actually follow through with it… The trama was so great that the only memory I have is the knife falling but never reaching and waking up 3 months later with no one aware of my actions that night. I went […]
I’m not depressed. I’ve always been fascinated by death and bored by life. Even when I was a kid. I was taught to be christian, but it always seemed so boring to me, I never had any dreams of being a fireman or a police or a doctor or anything, my dream as a 5 year old was to be an old, lonely alcoholic that hated the world as much as he hated himself. I was seven years old the first time I wanted to kill myself. I was eleven years old when I started to think that I really didn’t fit in anywhere, that […]
The last few weeks I’ve kept postponing my suicide day by day, morning by morning, evening by evening; I don’t know why I’m afraid of death so, lately; I’ve destroyed my life on purpose on every possible level to get the courage to do it. Hasn’t worked out great so far. Anyway I tossed a coin today 5 times, heads I’ll do it now, tails tomorrow; 4 out of 5 times it was tails, so tomorrow it is. I’m glad in a way because it gives me the opportunity to say thank you to everyone here, the brave that left us already and all so many […]
What happens after we die ? I wonder. Am I gonna find myself in a beautiful village with habitants full of love attention who would care for me when I’m sick, be happy for me when I succeed, accompany me in the worst times. We would laugh together about silly jokes, eat every meal together, play outside and take care of Farm animals. The view from our house would be breathtaking and everyone would get along. But most importantly, I would have forgotten everything,, every little bit of abuse, self hatred and abomination from this current life. I really hope this heaven awaits me for […]
Hello all. For about a month now i have been planning my suicide, for a while it didnt seem real and as though i wasn’t fully connecting with the idea of dying, i spent a lot of time on the internet coping and eating junk food (why not right?) but now it is almost time and there is no more need for coping.
I purchased a ****** **** **** *** *****, it arrives on july 21. I will kill myself on july 21.
Sourcing the information for a peaceful suicide was tedious to say the least and it seems that talking to anyone about suicide makes them […]
When I was in high school a so-called “friend” laughed at me and said “you are such a reject” for no reason. Those words always stuck with me.
I’m sick of being so hated and everyone jumping at any chance to let me know how much they don’t want me there. I’m sick of being a born loser at the bottom no matter what I do. I’m sick of being mocked and insulted and disregarded just for existing it seems. Everyone else gets support, but no, I deserved it somehow. What they do for others never seems to apply to me and me only. All I’ve […]
i would love to first start off with my appreciation for this Website, no matter the good or the bad side doesn’t matter either way. All of us are here with situations/issues any type of motive you might say behind our pain, problems, suffering. We come here to heal and cope with our daily life experience we live in. I have to give my thanks to those who reached out to me. And also the stories I have read here. It was an eye opener for me in many ways. I always come here when I’m at my weakest point. I don’t like way this […]
I can’t believe how old I am now. 37. My suicidal thoughts started when I was 8. My life was hard and abusive. It’s not like that now but I had already died inside a long ago and I just keep inhabiting this shell.
I was smart enough not to bring a child. I’d probably would have been an absent mother with occasional outbursts of disproportionate rage and pass this poison on to my future generation.
I wouldn’t advise everyone who has a bad day or a few rough weeks even, to do it but
If your life is objectively horrible
If the meds don’t […]