I was just called stupid by my own husband that decided I’m holding him back and that me cutting myself was and is a stupid way to let go of my pain. But what does he know he doesn’t know how much depression hurts and how bad of a toll it takes on people. Anyways he’s deciding that being with me is to much of a problem so as of now I have nothing to look forward to waking up to every day anymore. At least this feeling of hating myself and feeling like a pathetic loser is going to be over soon.
Lately things haven’t been looking up to me. It’s been brining me down to my lowest point, to the point were I don’t feel like my family or friends care about me anymore and I want to die. Everyone always compares me to someone I’m not and that makes me wish I was someone else. I wrote my suicide note out to my closest friends incase I make the drastic decision. I know who to send the message to and hopefully they will allow me to go in peace. I’m not taking my life anytime soon (I don’t think) but if things don’t look up […]
Ok, so suicidal thoughts linger. Will they ever totally dissipate? Perhaps or perhaps not. I don’t really know. If I had to say, I would lean towards they will lighten but never just go away. Once you learn know or relaize something, it’s not like you can just purposely unknow or unrealize it. The partial truth behind ingnore is bliss. So with acceptance of the fact I may never be able to fully revert from suicidal thoughts and desires leads me to the question of what can I do to cope with them? My mind running on the topic of ways to kill myself and […]
I’m still getting through my depression. It’s almost a daily battle here at college, but I’m surviving somehow. I heard this music one day with my therapist, and I couldn’t stop crying.
This song has kept me through some of the hard days. I play it when I fall asleep. I wake up better.
Ive gotten to the point where i dont really feel bad for a number of things. I still feel in the ‘wrong’ on a social stance because i feel that i might be lacking empathy and well thats my own self analysis. Im entitle to it right? I do feel at times im horrible, a monster it would be better to burn my bridges than to subject those who still care to my ups and downs. But then they’re also choosing to stick around when they know how bad things can get with me.
Things have never felt or seemed so clear before. A lot […]
It all started at a young age… my mother was in an abusive relationship, and I felt helpless because I was too little to stick up for her. I started hating myself, I blamed myself for her abuse. Eventually I began hating her, I despise her, but I still wish I could’ve done something! This is where the self hatred began. I then moved in with my father and have been living with him for around 4 years now. In the past 4 years I have severely struggled in school. I had always been a straight A student, but now I find myself struggling to […]
i know that i said that i would wait but i found the key to the trigger lock taped to the inside of the box so tonight is the night I’m going to go get some burger king and a pack of cigs a few beers and finish the job goodbye everyone. ill let y’all know if i puss out at 10:00 tomorrow morning but don’t count on it.
I have been diagnosed with depression recently. It took one trigger to bring back the feelings of isolation, loneliness and rejection from the past. To make it worse, my lack of self-worth underpins all of this and I feel like it will never get better. I am actually afraid of making new friends or forming new relationships because I fear rejection that much.
What perpetuates it is that I am an atheist within a Muslim family and community. If I come out about it, I face rejection from everyone. So I have to hide who I am and pretend to pray. This in itself makes me […]
There are some things about life that I absolutely love.
There’s hope in my heart that things will get better.
But I know that’s just wishful thinking.
I’m ready to leave this place behind and see what’s waiting for us on the other side.
I’ve hurt so many people that were nothing but good to me, I know this will hurt them more but at least It will be the last time.
I’m scared but excited I don’t know if i’m strong enough to go through it all again.
I’ve over dosed and ended up in hospital twice.
Most recent was two days ago.
I’m […]
I have bad anxiety and suffer from depression. I don’t know why God has chosen this life for me. I want out of this life but I know it’ll greatly impact the people around me. I worry mostly about my mom and my siblings because I know they’ll be affected the most. But I’m tired of taking everyone into consideration I’m not happy and I want out! I’m tired of waking up and faking a smile just to make other people think that I’m okay when I’m really suffering inside. Today I was going to drown myself and just as I get ready to step […]
Im so excited! I only have a week left untill I’m out! till I’m done with life. Friday will be my death day, one day after my birthday. I could stick around and go through all the work of getting better, but I don’t want to. I know it’s selfish and I accept that. I know people will hurt, that’s why I’ve written each one a letter. I just gotta clean up some stuff, pick out the tree and I’ll be gone on Friday for sure 🙂
I’ve been suicidal for over a year now… I hate myself I just want to disappear not many people would mourn me… Just my family I don’t have a wife or kids. That’s kind of the problem I have no one to love my lease prevents me from getting a dog so that companionship is out. I live with my mom because I’m 19 and I don’t get paid enough yet to move out I dislike her with a passion… What a *****, I’m adopted so don’t do that whole she birthed you bullshit I can’t stand the *****… I had a girl in my […]
my birthdays coming up, and I think I’ll kill myself. Or maybe I’ll wait till the day after, for Friday. That way no one will be expecting me somewhere. i work for two hours each weekday morning. So if I wait till Friday my week is done. I think Friday is the way to go. but I’ll wait and see what I feel Thursday
In what world do you feel what I feel? NONE. I feel pain in my subconscious at a cellular level this feeling does not leave me I carry it around all day all week all month and all year. You have no right to tell me I have something to live for what the fuck do you know you don’t know what I deal with… How I feel. I’m broken I tried putting myself back together but it took superglue and it’s barely together and it looks like shit because that’s what I feel like… Shit I’m a good person I give money to hobos […]
I started to talk to this girl that I met at the strip club. She’s a stripper and we understand each other because we have had similar situations. Been through the same stuff I know her real name and I have her real number and I know things about her and her life that people don’t just give out. But because of her profession which by the way I respect, given her circumstances she has a kid and all and you gotta do what you gotta do well anyway her profession makes me feel like she could be playing me but I recently figured out […]
So I am currently pregnant and 5 days ago I called my now ex boyfriend because he hadn’t called me or checked on me in 3 days ? So we had a conversation and he had told me that he had a new girlfriend and that they’d been with each other those 3 days. That really broke me down I couldn’t stop crying and I sat there and thought about how to end it all because I was so hurt ? I never thought this would happen so soon. Just the other day we were talking about how excited we were for our family. Glad […]
Tonight is the night I’m going round two I’m going to do it again but I didn’t do it right. Let’s be clear right now I did try and fail but I feel no remorse I was happy and content thinking I would wake up in heaven but instead I woke up in purgatory or the earth as some call it. I need to know what over the counter Meds I can take to end it right
I have been passively suicidal all my life. I know, some say there is no way, but I remember wanting to die at 7. I was not abused overly much. My dad a little to harsh with corporal punishment. My mom never said I was stupid, but she always gave me a look or used a tone that said I was stupid. I guess she had no patience. idk. I was always depressed. Borderline personality I was told once, but never stuck with therapy. I have had more jobs and sexual encounters than I can remember. I just can’t stick with anything. Then get all […]
im 18yrs old girl frm a vry sophisticated family…my dad died 8 yrs bck…nd soon aftr his death i fell i hv no one else alive fr me to support me or listn to me or understand me…no one else understands my feelings…my family,my friends n even my bf…no one…every1 always shout at me n tell me i am mentally unstable…i feel lonely n depressed all d tym…i wana die as soon as possible…i tried it mny tyms but i was not successful in this coz i lack of guts to kill myself…plz help me to encourage me to kill myself…
today again…something bad happened which was not supposed to be happened…whole family,friends and the world is against me…they don’t wana accept who i love…im broken into pieces and if my loved one’s will go apart from me then i seriously need to stop breathing…pllllsss God help me! not to save my life but to stay with my dad up in heaven…feel like killing myself again!!!