I use to live in San Diego, California when i was growing up. It was amazing and I wasn’t the most popular kid but I did have a small amount of good friends that I was happy with. Then in the middle of 5th grade my family decided to move to Indiana and well that was probably the worst decision of their lives. I made friends in 5th grade when i started, and got a crush on this kid named Justin. Over time all the friends i though i had starting to turn on me, especially in 6th grade. I got bullied so […]
Category:
My Suicide Note
A while back I posted some shit that wasn’t very thought about by me. I didn’t die, wished I did, and pussied out. Fuck… I just cried like the little ***** i am. I looked at myself in a mirror today and didn’t recognize myself. Even if they are ugly, people look in the mirror and think what they are looks good. People like you and me look into the mirror, and don’t see anything. We see someone we don’t know looking back at us. My depression got worse and worse, and the original depression became anger and hate. I have been told to go […]
Im so sorry.
To Mom: Im sorry you’ll never see me become the happy man with family that you always wanted me to be. I’m sorry i was always miserable. Im sorry I never talked to you. Im sorry for being so difficult and putting you through so much.
To my Sister: We always got along rather well. But i could never explain to you whats going on in my mind. I know this will only hurt you and mom more, but I couldn’t take hurting anymore. Im sorry i’ll never be a uncle for your daughter.
To Her: Im so sorry. I know this is the last […]
I have been depressed or feeling unloved since I was 5. I am 57. I am alone. Never been first in anyone’s life. Let me be honest, I am not anything in anyone’s life. I am seriously damaged. I have never belonged. Never been loved. No one even wants my love with no strings. I can’t even make one friend on the internet. I am a loser. I have screwed up everything I touch. I hurt constantly. Told to be myself and when I am. They leave in a day or two. My sister hasn’t talked to me in 23 years. Other kin don’t care […]
I went down to the basement with a chair and some cloth (couldn’t find rope) I tied the cloth to a metal bar on the ceiling, and got on the chair. I then put the cloth around my neck and tied my hands together (wasn’t easy). Then after 2 minutes hesitating, I kicked the chair and hung there choking to death. I blacked out after 45 seconds. I woke up about 4.5 hours later with a really sore neck as headache. I saw the cloth had broken. So now, this time I got some rope, leaned how t make a noose, and am attempting again […]
I stopped by my insurance agency and prepared my life insurance policy. My parents had one taken out in my name when I was 16, after my fireworks accident. I talked to my agent and changed the policy into my name (instead of my moms). It’s for 25,000…not much, but it should cover my debt and funeral. I was going to add another 50,000-75,000 but I would have to have an extensive medical record search and that would show my cancer, abdominal tumors, brain tumor, F.A.P, Gardner’s Syndrome, Pseudotumor Cerebri, fireworks accident, severe anxiety, severe depression, bi polar type II disorder, abdominal migraines, etc…I think […]
So let me just throw this out there.
I’m not suicidal but I have a chronic and, apparently, incurable illness that over the last 8 years has lowered my quality of life to almost comically unbearable levels. There are certainly days when I think, “so how long do you think you can endure this before jumping out of a fucking window?”
Let’s get real here – if you were an American being held prisoner by ISIS (or, for that matter, a suspected Muslim terrorist being held at a black site by the CIA) and tortured sadistically and de-humanized every day and was reasonably sure that […]
Does anyone else here feel like two different people, or am I alone? I don’t know anymore.
There’s the me that realizes life is fantastic and pretty awesome, the side of me that tells me to enjoy life while I have it. Then there’s the side of me that is realistic and tells me the honest truth: I am a mistake. I’m not supposed to be here. I don’t deserve all the wonderful people in my life. I only screw things up. I am forgiven too often. I wish I could give my life to someone who deserved […]
I feel so empty, broken, sad, lonely, etc. The list goes on with negativity upon myself. I have always been a sad, negative and lonely person deep down. But I find as I get older the worse it becomes, the worst I become. I find myself tumbling into a deep depression. Each time its harder to snap out of. I hate to wake up everyday. I have no motivation towards anything anymore. I just want the day to be over, sleep it away because I feel jailed by my own misery.
I often think of the reasons I should live and there are little to […]
I just want to die
I have felt this way nearly 5 years now, i am so unhappy with every aspect of my life. I don’t know what to do with my future, i don’t feel excitement or motivation to do anything. I got diagnosed with an illness but it’s not even a condition that could kill me, it just makes me constantly tired and sore. I gave gotten to the point that i don’t care about being selfish and if it hurts people, I’m in so much pain all the time and i feel like it’s my only solution. Sometimes i want to reach out […]
what do you think of life?…
has it treat you well?…
are you happy the way your life is?…
everyone knows that life is not perfect….
who knows……
is yours?
if it is then I’m happy for you..
if it is not then I do hope you find your way……
see ya…….
in the next life……
I’m tired I’ve been tired, I’m a walking fuckin skeleton with nothing left to give you can look at me and see I’m no longer here anymore. 24 years old or 4 this is all I’ve known, a never ending black hole I’ve gotten fuckin stupider and have ultimately fucked myself up even more. I’m sicker than sick, I’m fuckin sick and feel like nothing in this world can “fix” me. I honestly believe this is it no heaven or hell we had a choice to make this world our heaven or hell, the more I look around and the longer I choose to stay […]
I moved out of my mum’s house to get away and have a chance at living. There I was falling behind in school, and I had to raise both of my siblings and take care of them even though one was three years older than me. I did all the house work, cooking, and cleaning. I played Mum because no one else cared. Finally, ten months ago, I moved out and in with my aunt and cousins. I don’t know which place is worse. Everyone here hates me. I’m the ***** that moved in and ruined everybody’s life even though I’ve been generous and I […]
I hate my life so much, I’m 14 and I’m gonna turn 15 next week. I’m in foster care and I’m just an absolute waste of space! I can’t do anything right, I’m failing at nearly all my subjects, I keep making my foster carer’s (I’ve been with them for 8 years) upset with me. They call me a liar and it pisses me off so much . I’m fat and ugly and stupid. I feel stupid for writing this I just want to end my life! Right now. I have pills next to me as I type and I really want to take them […]
I was too stupid to trust a friend with my suicidal thoughts.
I told her how I want to die.
She told me about people dying wanting to live.
I told her: ‘Life is unfair, people can’t really have what they really want. I want to die but still living, they want to live but they are dying. I don’t see your point. Should I feel blessed for having something others want when I, myself, does not want it?’
Her answer? Ask another mutual friend.
They talked to me about solutions, alternatives, reasons and logic, of all things.
This is not a call for help. This is […]
I’m new to this, this is my first blog per say..
I don’t know really what’s going on, with who I am with what I’ve become, with really who I’m becoming. Maybe I came to this cite because maybe there’s actually people out there who understand that sometimes we really aren’t okay. Maybe you guys are my friends who actually deeply care.. Just maybe, who really knows these days. Where to start with my story..
I’ve thought and tried suicide to many times. But ironically, I’m still here.. Having so many just problems that suffocate my every breath I decided to just put the pills in and say […]
I hate business !
I hate money !
I hate capitalism / capitalist !
The main reason is because business kills creativity & ideas . money kills creativity & ideas . capitalism / capitalist kills creativity & ideas !
There are a LOT of good ideas , creativity , imaginations , inspirations , dreams , & even good deeds that business / money kills ! simply because of a petty, shallow reason “it doesn’t make a lot of money or profits ! ”
money makes the world unfair ! business makes the world unfair ! capitalism makes the world unfair !
plus , the world becomes a boring […]
Yeah. This is another “just in case” suicide note, the second i have posted.
I’m not actively suicidal, i just have ideations and i dont want to leave things unsaid.
_______________________________________________________________
so i was thinking about a lot of stuff recently
and i keep thinking about how unlikely it is that i will make it to my thirties
(i never want to be that old)
i decided that i would rewrite an old note
to preface this:
if i am dead, this is mainly for my friends
NOT my family
(the blood of the covenanant is thicker than the water of the womb)
TO LeeLee:
my precious darling;
i love […]
i dream of this place