Poetry & Art

It’s not fair, I was actually beginning to feel something and now it’s gone. I was really trying, and then it just began to crumble down just like everything else in my life. I don’t know how anyone is supposed to live with this and “move on” and keep on trudging through life.. What’s the point in that if I’ve felt bad for majority of my life. I’m holding on to my last few threads of hope and I’m holding really tight.. It’s my last stand.. but that’s the thing I always have a last stand.. Whenever I see the smallest glimpse of hope, I […]

I know I want to do it.. but I’m so meticulous that I want it to be just right. I’m ready and all, but it has to be something.. I hate to say special.. but I guess it is. I’ve snapped millions of times and just said “fuck it” and taken bottles of pills or tried drowning myself (obviously didn’t work..), but that’s too.. foolish and hasty.

Lately I’ve been trying to really plan it out; a place and time. I have a pretty good idea of the how.. I don’t think I can actually share it all.. but it involves CO2 (or helium), pills and […]

Seems as though I’m getting back into the writing habit… in a way it feels as though I’m living through my writing. When I write despite how horrible I feel, the chaos and turmoil within me doesn’t seem so chaotic anymore. I can almost breathe a little and think. Lately though, “it” has been getting worse.. I only ever write when I’m.. empty, but not that usual empty.. this is different it’s as if I literally don’t exist, I’m just an ambiguous thing that only feels pain.

I haven’t been going out much.. or hanging out with friends, I don’t really have any urges to see anyone.. I […]

Why do i keep hanging around here?, Its probably that thought clawing at the back of my mind … the one everyone else who comes here has. I read posts here and wonder how you all can express yourselves so well, iv always had a hard time telling people what i’m really thinking and the emotions I feel unless its in a poem but even then things are very vague. I wonder if anyone will understand the next one.

I don’t have a spark

I don’t have a light to shine for

I’ve run out of things to rhyme with suicide

Maybe formaldehyde?

Now, i don’t know

What’s worth living for?

All these words in my head

Keep on telling me I’m a dead

beat nut case

I don’t have the will, i don’t have the strenght

To play this crazy charade anymore

Some day i’ll be dead, but will it be on my own head?

I simply don’t know anymore

I can’t let them know, and when i die it won’t show

Because if they know it will all be my fault

Although, I’m hurting people i don’t even know

And those that i know, i don’t know if […]