Well, she slapped me today. I was about to punch that b****. But then my father stepped in and saved the day. Woohoo. What an epic love story! (I’m about 6’0″ and 200 pounds and my mom is 5’8″ and about 140 pounds so I could’ve done some damage) god I hate them. They don’t understand me. They make me so angry I literally can’t even see I’m so mad. What idiots. They should seriously not be parents. My god.
Category:
Rants
okay this got delted so ill write it short and simple bullying. guys making fun of me and saying really mean bullshit. they dont listen to the teacher or me so….. i told them to stfu cause they dont know me or my story or anyone to be making comments like ah im so dumb i just want to blow my brains out like stfu you twat fucker fuck sake man. I told them that isnt funny they laughed. so i got up and punched the ***** in the face like the he is. and his other two friends two i told them that they […]
missed work today and i hate myself for it. i couldn’t even call in, because i could not physically get out of bed to reach my phone. god dammit. what is wrong with me?
i am so damn sick and I can’t get the treatment that i need to get better. My current therapist is useless, and has misgendered me more than once. I can’t even go to a physical doctor without panicking that they’ll make me take my clothes off.
trying to treat one thing without the other things just isn’t working anymore. i dont’ even know what i need, but I need /something/. […]
Normally I would’ve put my poem here, but it’s too hard not believe it. Everything is collapsing. My friends are gone. My music is fading out. My happiness, which is my friends happiness, is slowly disappearing. I guess now it’s my turn. It’s been a long road. It’s been painful. How am I supposed to stay with all this pain pushing me down?
I’ve always been the strong one. The one who held others up when they couldn’t take it. I never wanted to burden others with my problems, so I tend to fake a smile and say I’m okay. I hate to be viewed as weak. It started when I was little — I was born to teenage parents who had a taste for methanphetamines. They did try to get clean when I was born, as well as three years later when my little brother came into the world. But their lifestyle caused me to take care of myself at an early age. A funny story I’ve […]
i think i took too many pills tonight. no worries–not nearly enough to overdose. i’m just a little pleasantly high.
i don’t really feel up to telling my story just now, just trying to vent. but i got a lot of shit going on. and i can’t get help for a lot of it. sometimes i think that maybe i don’t even WANt to get better. i am just so tired of fighting. and sometimes i think i will never get to where i want to be. I’m just … tired. and have a major case of the sads.
and my dysphoria keeps me up […]
So i get blamed for everything when it comes around my friends. They fight they put me in the middle they stop talking “omg its all your fault you shouldnt even got in it the first place” um excuse you ***** youre the one putting me in the middle of this shit so how about you fuck off you fucking ****. Relationship ends they tell me to help them cause they dont what to do i tell them straight up facts of why it didnt work “omg youre not even helping dont even try anymore okay even if i listen itll end and its going […]
So lately all my friends want me to help them with relationships of their own. I don’t know all the answers sometime and thats what usually makes me feel bad. When i can’t find out how to help i feel bad i cry and just go on a rampage. One of my exs still a very good friend of mine started to tell me to focus on my own relationship. For some reason i never listened but now a days all i try and do is be there for them. But then my so called friends make me feel like crap cause im not helping […]
So, I found an amazing video with the Cutter’s Lullaby, and on it were some pictures for people like me. My sis made me angry, and I threw my phone at her. She picked it up, and it had frozen on a pic of the word “Disappear . . . ” and a bunch of blades around it and some blood stains. She said “that’s perfect for you. You should disappear and make everyone’s lives better.” So yeah, it’s my home page background. If my parents ask, I can say “(sistername) said it was perfect, so I kept it.” though they won’t find out. they’ll […]
So, it’s the end of a terrible spring break. Last week, a kid in my class began making fun of Death, like it was something casual. He asked my closest friend if she “wanted to die”. She of course replied no, but he replied with “I think you’re lying”. I told him not to joke around about Death, cuz some people have bad memories with it. He flipped out on me, saying it was natural and nothing can stop it. Now, he had heard about my friend, and how she died in front of me, thanks to me, but he obviously didn’t care. It’s hard […]
Hey everyone..I haven’t posted in a while..So yeah..I found out along with my severe depression and anxiety..I’m bipolar and they can’t even diagnose what stage because of how fast my mood changes. Plus I am on the boarder line of having a personality disorder like split personalities. So I am on mood stabilizers and anxiety meds..I guess they kinda help, they just make me really sleepy is all I know..I also found out that I’m pretty much disabled from having all my problems with my mind and my nerves and all this other stuff so that is just great, I found that out today..I also […]
i’m feeling very unstable today. I don’t really know how to describe it. It’s like anxiety i guess, but without the active intensity part. I don’t feel “nervous” or “frightened” or anything like that… just very lethargic and scattered… like oppressively lethargic, to the point where i’d struggle to do anything physical at all. I should cut the grass, but i feel so… “weak and powerless,” and completely disinclined, like i just don’t give a shit. I’ll probably go do it right after this, and it’ll probably suck as much as i remember… but that’s not what’s stopping me. I don’t mind doing it, but […]
I was reading this book called the Van Gogh Blues. Â It’s all about how creative people suffer with depression because of a meaning complex, and it freaked me out because I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for years, and I always figured that one day when I create something it will dissipate. Â If creating can’t bring me meaning, then what can?
Everything in my life seems so fucked, which is ridiculous because so much of it is petty or will be unimportant in six months. Â Sometimes I just feel like there’s no point and I’m such a bad person and I should die, but at the […]
I CAN’T SLEEP
I want to believe in someone, I want to believe in something, I want to believe that I can love again. And one you will love again, one day, you will.
But I can’t.
So I don’t use this kind of stuff of chats or Facebook anymore. Iive Bvb n I’m part of the Bvb army. People always tell me o you’re so imo go kill yourself just for liking them. I like botdf people tell me that its gay and tell me I’m worthless and like getting raped just cause of a band. That hurts they don’t know that I was raped when I was in fifth then 7th n 8th then freshman year. They dont know me they don’t know my story but I guess my music defines how I like to be treated. I like suicide […]
I want you to tell me a poem you wrote. I feel the poetry that people have made on this site is beautiful so let me hear your’s that you have made?
Wow. I almost forgot what it was like to be alone. I forgot how gut-wrenchingly horrifying it is. How it eats you from the inside out. boyfriend hast talked to me in over two weeks. We see each other all the time, and I try to talk to him, but it’s like we don’t know how anymore. I’m not going to be able to keep this up. All of my friends have been getting mad at me because I fuck things up all the time. My best friend though, is still there. She’d never leave…right? My only other actual friend is a guy in my […]
I honestly belive I am horrible person. I sometimes think about death, and wanting to kill myself, but not very seriously, so I wouldn’t consider myself suicidal. Still, I need to talk to someone because I would never tell my family or friends any of this, so obviously I have turned to the web to vent. I honestly think I ruin everything. Everything I do wether it’s little or small, I always manage to screw up. I feel like everything’s my fault. I keep trying and trying but still I feel like everything is just not turning out. And honestly I am tired of screwing […]
You beat me down,
You struck me low,
Don’t know how far you think I can go.
You don’t know what it’s like to be me,
Look through my eyes and you will see,
How hurt I am,
You don’t give a fucking damn,
I’d rather die than listen to another lie.
All I ever wanted was your love,
Doesn’t seem that you have enough.
Can’t you see it’s killing me inside,
I’m sure you’ll be sorry once I’ve died.