Ever since school started I haven’t been posting since I barley have time to breathe. I visited the hospital about 2 weeks ago since the headaches and chest pain proceed. The doctor gave me pills for a week and immediately checked my oxygen level thinking it had something to do with my asthma. After we left the hospital my parents gave me shit not only because the doctor said it was nothing but also because I forgot my identity card at home. I’m starting to forget things for some reason and I want it to stop. If I keep on forgetting things I won’t be […]
I’m not suicidal at this time, and this story, although true, has taken place in the past. Perhaps writing this is part of my own integration process, and maybe it can help somebody else, I don’t know? Anyway, hello everyone, and to quote Hannah from 13 Reasons Why, “It’s me, live and in stereo”! 😉
Unlike the Netflix series, I wish I could list specific reasons why I became suicidal. I wasn’t raped by a family member or anything like that, and I really have a life which (although certainly far from perfect) I’m sure many would […]
Hey, good day for everyone.
I won’t update about recent progress in the last goals [don’t have time atm]. But will bring up another problem I’m struggling with.
Taking control.
Lately I lost all control of my life. Lived in poor conditions, stopped working out, started spending time like a freaking zombie infront of my computer, hoping to get new notifications from anything! (even from advertisings) – you could call it a new level of loneliness, but for me it is just plain sad.
My idea of helping me to get into “work” will be using the following skills:
1. Taking responsibility; each individual and its own […]
I recently had gotten 2 mind changing comments on some of my posts. It flooded me with thoughts, and eventually it made me decide the following.
I will start posting updates about changing one’s life from the worst to the best (I’m gonna be the guinea pig). Perhaps it is going to be taking some years, or maybe just months, but it will be “recorded” here, and solely for you.
Few FAQ before I start:
How is it related? – It is totally related as coping skills and will give real life examples.
Why would you do it? – Because I want to change, and I’m having […]
Hi all,
This is one of my first posts here.
A few years ago, I was in a pretty dark place. I was convinced that my life was a burden and that I’d never be able to shake the bad thoughts that came persistently. Every day was a struggle. Nothing was improving and I was getting suicidal thoughts.
Some of you may be in the same or a similar situation. Please know that things get better. I’m still here. I’m still fighting. It is a fight. It might be the hardest thing you do, but you’re worth it. You’re worth the fight and life is worth fighting for.
You have no […]
It was an irritating morning, upset stomach and mind full of dreams. it was somewhere back to 2014, 12th grader, happily passed harsh teenage years, I was never anything special – in my own special way. Didn’t achieve too much, didn’t succeed at everything – “blank normal”.
“BACK in those days” :
I had my own problems: my dad wasn’t supportive or even “there”, even tho all allong he was 20 km away from me. Didn’t look good, was sick with horrible sickness, couldn’t find love, didn’t had time to go out with friends. Had avg grades even if I tried to get better. argh…. Regular […]
At the very least, I hope this scatter-brained post will give you a laugh. Just kidding, I don’t hope for anything, save for what I mention in the following. Well, maybe some sections of this post will resonate with anyone who might read it some day.
Once I become financially stable and relatively successful, I might want to kill myself in complete sobriety so that I can prove this point to my dad: Not all suicides are a result of drug-ingestion or addiction. I’ve always wanted to die since I was a child. I even told my mom that “I want to go to Heaven already,” […]
Lately I’ve ben having these migraines that take everything that’s in me to stand. It’s not new, I used to have them daily until they somehow, the same pain transferred to my stomach. I got it checked out by a doctor long back and he gave me pills and said I was fine to go. Now the pain is back and it’s stronger than ever. I’m not being over dramatic or anything but it hurts to the point where I actually think there’s something wrong with me. Before I got back to my country I got a strong one and I literally cried myself to […]
I honestly am not sure where to start this all off. This is a very long story, just to let you know. For starters, I am a 20yo male. I’ve dealt with severe clinical depression, anxiety, and anger issues since I was 11yo.
I am a current EMT and am a Paramedic student in Maryland. I joined the fire department when I was 17, and have been an EMT since I was 18.
One of my first calls as a 17yo EMT student, it had been a pretty tough day. We had already run a cardiac arrest, and I was in general having one of my down […]
Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like there is more than one soul in me. I have to make a choice, either be too kind and suffer the consequences or be heartless and later come crashing down. I could also just stay the way I am right now but the thing is I don’t feel fine. I could never stay like this. Ignoring the way I feel is killing me. I’m just tired and sick of this life. I feel so selfish, I have everything I need to be able to survive yet I’m still depressed. I just can’t go back. Summer is […]
One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.
But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they […]
I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through
My biggest problem is […]
I’ve been a lurker here for quite sometime, I have read so many post, replies and whatnot, that my head is filled with swimming thoughts.
I understand all too well, what has brought you all here…what has brought me here.
Seems, that most of wish to be free from existence, from the pain….we all have reasons why we want to go, some more than others. We all have a reason that life is not as it seems but a form or “HELL”.
With all that in mind, I have a question. All I want is death, all I want is peace, to no longer exist.
About 6 months […]
I do not think I am capable of being loved. I fear that I am never going to be able to find someone who will love me the way I fail to love myself. It has always been my only hope. What if it’s the only way all of this will ever get better? To find the right person who will always be there for me. The thing is I’ve been lied to so many times that I don’t think I can trust anyone anymore. People talk to me when they need something then they just disappear. If I refuse to do what they ask […]
Okay. So I don’t really know how this works. What if someone I know finds this, what then? How am I going to explain all this. When people I know see my cuts they judge and say I do it for attention so what will they think if they ever found this? I just need my space, I want to be able to express my thoughts without being scared but I guess fear is always going to be there.
After getting accepted to the Uni’ (a really good world known one), I have finished my first semester with an average grades of 75.
75 means – No jobs as a student, hard time finding job once I’m out, and other shitty stuff.
But what is worst is the fact that I went back home. I went back to the nothing I have. To the environment where I have to work a lot while my…. UsedToBe Friends, got their parents as financial backup.
I feel just the way I felt as a 4th grader – Isolated, powerless, incompetent.
My spirit as a fighter died, I […]
I’m afraid of writing this post because they might be watching this web-site. I talk and they pretend not to listen, but they’re watching me closely.
I discovered this weeks upon accidently stumbling upon Narcissist parents. They resemble this parenting style the most. When I learned about narcissism. It all everything clicked. Why I’m so unhappy. Why my self-esteem is so low to almost non-existing. Why my parents confused me, and yet I never wanted to blame them for fear that I’ll upset them like feel their wrath if you challenge let alone question it their ego.
Here, I thought that my mom was overprotected and my […]
I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on […]
Hey guys, if you see this and want/need to talk. I’m always open to talk. I really want to make someone(anyone) feel like they are worth it….