This is the first time I’ve ever publically posted/said that I am in as much pain as I am. I’ve hidden it for years, even when I was a young teen. When I was little I thought everybody had bad days like mine: times when the world looked grey, when even speaking was difficult, when my soul felt sucked from me. I’m too afraid to truly come out and tell anyone around me how I really feel. They’ll all just say “Just put on a smile and look on the bright side” or “It’ll be okay, just buck up”. Can’t anyone see that I can’t […]
This is my story from the start http://suicideproject.org/2013/07/my-story-161/ please reaad that first before continuing down so you will understand the bits that i’ve missed out.
So you have read the beginnings and the main depth of what happened in my child/teen life. Heres some that i have missed out like my eating disorder , suicide attempt and the visions and self harm.
Im going to start off with the visions i get when i have anxiety attacks or panic attacks i haven’t told anyone what i hear, see or feeling during these episodes. Not even my psychiatrist. Well i get flash backs of the that night i got […]
I can’t exactly say when it started because I don’t know, my life has just been full of bad events snowballing until I finally released it all.
From a very young age I felt alienated from everyone, I felt that nobody was like me.
It didn’t help that I had a young mother, she had me at 14, Â because I felt that she wasn’t approachable. Also, she was often getting into new relationships which involved a lot of men. I found it very hard ad still find it very hard, to connect with new people so this was an issue for the first 5 years of my […]
Well, I don’t know how to exactly go about this. I’ve never told exactly what happened to me to a lot of people….but I guess I can start now. This may be long to some people and for that, I am sorry. If you don’t want a sad story about a dying girl, I would move on. Well….here we go.
I was raised in a small town in the midwest. I’ve gone to the same schools my whole life. My life was good. Everyone’s is for awhile. Then, something changed. 6th grade changed everything.
I had always been bullied. By a girl here and there, a boy […]
I have been battling depression since I was 12. In the beginning, people dismissed it easily. My parents thought I was just a “moody teenager”. I got used to simply distracting myself, locking myself in my room, listening to music, reading books and writing poetry as a release, almost like every other teenager it seemed, so I guess you could not really blame them for not noticing. The main difference between me and most of my peers from school was that I had self-harm thoughts at least since I was 14. When I was 13 I witnessed my cousin’s abuse (mainly emotional but […]
There r so many things in my life i regret. i just dont seem to ever say or do the right things like what i do is never good enough. alot of the time it makes me feel like a fuck up like i just cant get my shit together but it always comforts me to kno that one day i will b able to leave and just live away from everyone. I feel that as ive gotten older i just suck at relationships. Its not anyone elses fault im truly just an asshole. Idk i just wish that i didnt hav to worry about […]
This site has really helped me overcome my pain and suffering. I first joined on December 2012.
Currently I am officially free from depression and suicidal thoughts.
I will never, never forget all of you who were there during my darkest times to motivate me here on SP: (I don’t know whether you are reading this or not)
Amakua
Rocketman
RuinsOfTheVoid
SadBk
Dawg
And many many others!
Lastly, for B.N.Crazy, whose quote really opened my eyes: “no ones holding a gun to your head and saying i have to feel that way, so why am i?†This quote was the beginning of my decision to fight.
Thank you SP, this is the place I feel […]
I’ve wanted to commit suicide for quite awhile now….
But theres something always holding me back from succeeding. I couldn’t figure out what for weeks until I saw this quote that I cant remember who its from. “Dont give up, because somehow, someone, somewhere will need you.”
It clicked.
Ive always had a knack for making people feel better. I like cracking jokes, giving good advice, and comfort when its needed.
It finally clicked when I realized…I’m going to save someone. I know that might not happen, but it keeps me from thinking about suicide. Someone, somewhere is going to need me.
And I’m going to be there for them.
“Don’t […]
Here I am
Here to stay
Fucking happy night and day
Your words mean nothing
Effecting me in no way
Because I am me
I am here to stay
Bully me yeah…that’s okay
I don’t listen anyway
You are big…
I’m not afraid
You Bully me
Call me gay
Hell yeah I’m gay
Gleeful everyday
You pick on me…if I do say
you’ll get it back soon one day
Yeah I’m a nerd
that’s all I get
that’s considered a compliment
I’m not like you an idiot
But do your worse
I am up for it
In conclusion
And in the end
Here I am
And dammit […]
I’ve been suicidal for many years and, to an extent, most of my life. Not a manic obvious case of suicide but a quite, calm and patient case. It was supposed to all happen tomorrow, Friday, July 26th 2013 but won’t.
I realized recently that my plan all this time was not the right way to go about things. The plan was to take my friend’s handgun and walk from his place to the nearby hospital. There I would warn the staff about the events that were going to take place, to prepare surgery for my organ donation, and to clear out the area so that […]
Just recently I’ve had these thoughts I’ve felt so empty insistent no one can help me is what I feel I have been through hell and back In my life when I was little I was abused in more ways than one by my biological father and then ever since I’ve gotten older I’ve been made fun of for everything about me I just recently found out my papa has lung cancer and every one in my family hates the one I truly love I am always being bitched at for.things I shouldn’t get yelled at for I take care of a kid that’s not […]
i see nothing at all, no happines
When i tried to commit suicide i was serious about it. I locked my door turned my music on loud and ignored the knocks. Well i laid down my tools of trade, a bottle of vodka, to hide my shame, a razor at the wrist nothing would be missed. I.. I took a drink then grabbed my razor as i sat over a towel and just cut my thighs to hell i could barely walk after.. I called […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C08Ini72mZw
Thats my story.. please subscribe gonna post more videos soon
Well Hi again, many of you may remember me as BrooklynBoxx.. and once again I am asking you for your guys favor. I’m 15, as my of you know. But on January 26, 2013 I met and fell in love with a 21 year old. I know many of you may find this risky, coming from my past. But he was there after every failed suicide attempted. He got me to throw away razors. And talked me out of suicide. On the 15th of July my mom […]
You see that girl who smiles brightÂ
She’s not the same late at night
Her smile slowley fades awayÂ
When shes sure everyones gone awayÂ
Tears gather in her eyes
She doesnt care, she lets them slide
Pain burning deep inside
Leaving her no bright side
She uses the razor to help her out
To help her make it thorugh the night
The blood runs down her armÂ
Leaving a deadly trace of self-harmÂ
But the pains only gone for nowÂ
It won’t stop it’s made it’s vowÂ
But now she’s all done for todayÂ
And she’ll wear her bright smile just like any other day
I don’t have to much screwed up in my life but i still feel like i serve no purpose and every time i think about it i know that there’s gonna be someone whos happy that im gone. but every time i think this i remember my life a year ago. at that time i was on so much bullshit. I judged people on how they looked and i just walked around acting like i knew everything and just didn’t care and didn’t see and deep meaning in life and just treated it like something that was a joke. then the week of my birthday […]
So.
Uh.
Let’s start. I’m Christian. Presbyterian, in fact. I’ve been this way for a while now. Uhm…well…you see…I believe I’m Pangendered. A.K.A, genderqueer. yeah. I don’t believe that I belong to any gender, and am comfortably happy with who I am. Mentally. Physically, I am either gender depending on my mood. I am also Pansexual. I can love anyone regardless of gender (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, asexual, etc.). Herein lies the problem…I’m “supposed to be happy with the body God gave me. Yes. God gave me the body. It’s my choice on what I do with it. I’m not saying I want some big surgery or […]
“6. An artist’s relation to suicide:
– Suicide is a crime against life
– An artist should not commit suicide
– An artist should not commit suicide
– An artist should not commit suicide “
(Marina Abramovic, ‘An Artist’s Life Manifesto’)
Let’s create, then. Let’s protect ourselves from death by becoming artists.
For about 4 ½ years I’ve been unhappy, but never had the thought of suicide crossed my mind until I entered high school. (It’s not one of those things where I’m a loner and had no friends). I actually have had a lot of friends my whole life but I always felt like a hole and I was always just sad for no reason, so recently I started therapy for family reasons and my therapist ran a few tests and I go back July 30 to see if I can be diagnosed clinically depressed. Around February I became extremely rebellious an unhappy and I would […]
I wonder if I were rich would I feel like this. Then I realize money really means nothing. Look at kurt cobain, brad delp, jovan belcher, chris benoit, bob birch, don cornelious, chris lighty, mindy mcCready, roy raymond, and countless others. Money dont mean shit and neither does fame. These people had it all and had accomplished things most of us will never come close to doing and still fell victim to this pain……money cant buy happiness and if it cant then what can?