Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

2

I’m Crazy, I Should Kill Myself

February 5th, 2018by Bettyblossom

Maybe I’m a psychopath. Maybe I truly am mentally disconnected from reality. Lacking empathy. But I want attention. After I tried to kill myself I just wanted to shout it to the world. Why did I want to do that? Why do I want to do anything? I’m useless. Oof, this is a hard one to swallow.

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

My Story

February 4th, 2018by Duncan Walpole

In the middle of august I tried to take my life, I was destroyed by pain and I was so anxious about school especially some exams I had to do in order to be accepted in the next class.

I tried.

I failed, and when my mom got home I was in my bed crying and I had a very bad scar that explained what happened, she called my dad and we went to the hospital and now I’m here.

After everything happened I felt so calm and relaxed, I finally had my mind clear.

Now I have a psychologist but I still feel the pain inside me and …

Processing your request, Please wait....
11

Coming clean, I had psychopathic needs.

January 28th, 2018by Urm8451n

Few years ago, I was a dead boy walking down the school’s corridors. Walking back, forth, between rooms for each class, and from there back to the empty house.

I always had knew what was expecting me at that house.
I always feared from those ‘good’ days. I was so.. under pressure, I could have felt that life is a – if you enjoy today, tomorrow you will be in sorrow, and if you are really lucky, your suffering will start from the same day you dared to fucking smile.

I kept my mouth shut for so long, didn’t feel anyone around me. They were merely humans to …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

January 26th, 2018by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & …

Processing your request, Please wait....
9

Pork Soda

January 20th, 2018by thetrashmen

So I got out of the adolescent unit of a behavioral health facility

and

I’m lost.

I went purposely, y’know

seeking help.

And I got some?

I felt so optimistic

so productive

whilst I was there

but I got picked up last night

and now I just

don’t know what to do or how to apply anything?

There’s so much to fix

so much to get past

and it seemed so simple there but now it’s just

not?

I had it mapped, planned in the abstract

and no way to truly accomplish anything.

I’m trying so hard to get it together and I’m so pissed that I can’t fix myself in a day

but Rome fucking burned in one.

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

I feel..

I feel..

January 9th, 2018by RiloMor

I know it’s kind of dumb thinking this way. Like, it’s not my fault my dad was not the brightest bulb in the box and I know this. But I hate him for doing this to me.

Maybe it’s me over-thinking things but, from my knowledge and knowing serverl people with disorders physical and mental as well as having researched it extensively.. I just can’t help but think that my father, and his stupied genes gave me all these worries. Hell, my half sister and half brother are even worse than I am after he got married to a lady whose bulb seems to be on …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

Looking Back

January 7th, 2018by colourandlight

  1. I spend a lot of time looking back. Especially recently.

Aged 9. Started self harming.

Aged 10. Tried to throw myself out of the window (several times).

Aged 11. Couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. What was wrong with me.

Aged 12. Distractions. Life. I wasn’t any better, but things kept moving.

Aged 13. Minor improvements. Self acceptance.

Aged 14. Good. Not great, but good. Acceptance. Progress. Self medicating through reading.

and life continued much the same until last year. Not good. Not bad. Clear head at least.

 

I met someone. We’ll call him Oscar. Or O.

He was amazing. A recovering alcoholic, who’d been driven to drink by the …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

Want to hurt myself all the time

January 3rd, 2018by Bunnytea

I want to hurt myself almost everyday. The main thing that keeps me from hurting myself is that I don’t want to end up in the mental hospital again. All of my mental hospital visits have been bad or outright traumatic thus far.

So many times, I get so upset at myself that I want to bang my head against the wall. I think “You’re stupid, worthless piece of s***!” and yell at myself and I cry because of how much I hate myself and can’t stand being alive. I have hurt myself by hitting my head before, usually when I was already in a mental …

Processing your request, Please wait....
0

Trapped

January 3rd, 2018by empls

I’ve wanted to die for a while now. On and off. Every time I feel like I’m glad I haven’t done it yet because I might be enjoying some part of my life, it always comes crashing down and leaving me right back to wanting to die.

If I had my way, I would have done it maybe 10 years ago. My mum raised me to be quite religious and now, despite my doubts about the religion, I can’t risk dying just to go to hell on the off chance it’s true. It’s so engrained in me. In a way I suppose it has saved me …

Processing your request, Please wait....
2

God has answered my prays, I was reborn-ed.

December 28th, 2017by Urm8451n

Hey, good day for all of you.
This will be my last post

, because I have changed, and I’m quit-ing this site.
For those who didn’t follow my posts, or read the last posts of mine, I wanted to wake up today, fearless and with out feelings.

Fully honest with all of you strangers: for the last days I have been fighting in my mind, over the control of this body. As if I fought with my “anxiety” persona, which fears failures. Today I guess my other persona won, because I’m fearless. I’m focused on what I want and when I want it.

I’m just a kid, I …

Processing your request, Please wait....
4

Anniversary

December 26th, 2017by Blood Rain

It’s been a year since I last left a post here. I hadn’t thought I’d be back, both for the reasons I’d left and the reasons I had tried not to look back.

Today’s the anniversary of my last suicide attempt. Ironically it is the one that ‘saved’ me but at the same time took so much from me. In survival I was able to remove a mental block I had put on my emotions and memories that held years of abuse by the hands of my father, who has lost his memories through alcoholic seizures, and the only one who really understands what I suffered …

Processing your request, Please wait....
0

Sad

December 25th, 2017by lonewolf23

Today was Christmas Eve and i am somewhat sad because all my co-workers seemed to hate how cheery i was today. I’m typically always happy and in a good mood no matter what day it is but for some reason it irritated some of my co-workers today. I work at a grocery store as a cashier and so it was super busy today but i didn’t mind. After all, who wants to be served by a grumpy employee on Christmas Eve? I know i wouldn’t appreciate it if i went through some cashiers line and got dealt a mean attitude. I understand being a cashier …

Processing your request, Please wait....
8

Her Timeline

December 16th, 2017by SilentVoices

Before she was aware, she moved across seas. Of course she wasn’t aware, she was only 3.

By the age of 5, she knew something wasn’t right. Protecting her siblings while her parents fight.

From K to 12 she struggled without support. But even with uneducated parents, her grades were in good report.

Her home-life however, left much to Desire. Constant fighting and screaming and emotional fire.

At the tender age of 8, she would lie in bed, wishing she were dead.

Withdrawn and silent, she turned 14. Dragged to the psychiatrist for her mind to be seen.

Finally diagnosed with Severe Clinical Depression. She was given drugs, but to her …

Processing your request, Please wait....
1

being your illness

December 12th, 2017by onemorehour

 

 

i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.

 

i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one …

Processing your request, Please wait....
0

Disorganized thoughts

Disorganized thoughts

December 6th, 2017by RiloMor

 

  • It’s not like I haven’t tried to speak my mind to, tell someone. In fact I have been hospitalized for my depression, 7 day lock up with medication and a councilor to ‘talk about it.’ But why did they believe me when I told them it was because of some random girl making fun of me for being gay and trans-masculine. I don’t know why I’m depressed, or why I panic when I’m near people or feel the need to just scream for no reason. Why did they think it was another person hating me when I was hating myself for not knowing why

Processing your request, Please wait....
5

My story if anyone cares

November 28th, 2017by Max

7

Torture

November 19th, 2017by Gnarledpoet

I’ve been in deep depression for 4 years now and I’ve attempted suicide 3 times. The first time i jumped from a bridge overlooking a ridge of water and rocks, it was about 100 feet i think. I ended up with bruised ribs, a twisted ankle and back pain for several months. The second time i overdosed on ecstasy, but one of my few remaining friends found me and got me help before i could die. The last time i tried a couple months ago with a 357 magnum, turned out it was old and the firing pin on it had been broken a while …

1

Would have I jumped?

Would have I jumped?

November 1st, 2017by ThirdClassWorldCitizen

Previously: If all else fails…

Good and bad things happened after that day when I almost ended everything on that bridge. More bad things than good things, unfortunately. Was it worth continuing my life? If I had seen into my future, would have I jumped instead?

I was 30 years old, I had no college degree and I had left college again. I also had left my job and my professional background was so mixed and confusing that it would be hard to get a decent job again… I didn’t really leave that bridge alive because I trusted I still could be successful, in …

4

13 Reasons Why Response

October 31st, 2017by 13reasonswhyresponse

Darkling I listen

Suicide – it’s something I’ve thought about for a while, but only from the perspective of escape. It seems like a way out of all the pain that is life. Most people don’t experience life this way so they won’t understand when I call life pain. “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” So true, Mr. Goldman, so true.

Anyway, I started watching 13 Reasons Why without any expectations other than the main actor reminds me of a young Freddie Price, Jr. Am I dating myself there? Probably.

Probably no one will read this, and that’s okay. In

7

If all else fails…

If all else fails…

October 31st, 2017by ThirdClassWorldCitizen

“If all else fails, I can always become a hippie.”

You have probably seen this phrase or some other along these lines, didn’t you? I did it many times, but never really thought about it and never ever seen someone seriously considering becoming a hippie because everything else failed for them — no, movies don’t count.

Some years ago I planned and almost committed suicide. I was 30 years old. It was not the first time I had thought about killing myself, but it was the first time I converted thoughts into actions.

I came close to it, I think. I am not sure if it was a …