Suicidal Survivors

For those who have survived suicide.

3

After 5 years .. I am back again at suicide project !

  July 24th, 2018 by jano.19

The Last time I posted was FIVE years ago ..

I never though I’d ever come back .!

Yet here I am

I guess we never really change !

no matter how hard we try to change ourselves deep down we will always be the same .

I fought hard .. and I’m still fighting .. I’m not really willing to surrender not before not now not ever

yet still my inner self , my flaws , my weaknesses.. are catching up with me ..

spend the last five years in what I developed to br a stable life .. it is actually to most people it’s what they want .

I got [...]
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0

Fine… Im Fine

  July 23rd, 2018 by razorwrists

Sometimes I just feel down and sometimes I feel as if im being held down by something so big I cant breathe It casts a shadow over me I cant quite tell how big but its big enough to cover my mind its so dark I struggle to smile people think they know but there just as lost as me they offer advice but it passes by my head like a breeze not a small breeze its like the breathe of the shadow it inhales and I feel blank then it exhales and still nothing happens im at a stand still but I don’t know [...]
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14

Maybe

  July 22nd, 2018 by raperapelemonade

Even though we cant talk to each other directly here. I feel safe here. I feel in the silence, a comradery.

I love reading the stuggles the goodbyes because i can relate so much to these entries and i just have nothing but love for you.

Even if you are a judge of me, i can relate and I’m grateful. Whatever comes… I’m just grateful for this silent hive where our honey is our words about our bloody battles of life, death, trauma, pain more than anyone else in the real world could ever handle. We can speak it here in complete truth and honesty without fear.

I’m [...]
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5

What do you do when you can’t feel anything?

Just emptiness, numbness… I can’t do anything.  I’m suicidal. Ive tried so many times. I tried to get better. I stopped taking antidepressants for 2 months now. I didn’t want to depend on it anymore.

3

Something Needs To

  July 21st, 2018 by raperapelemonade

I told my only family member it was time for me to stop. The only person in the world who knew me. He said at least try acid once.

I dosed and became one with the Universe and all that shit. I felt something fall off my shoulders afterwards. I got an understanding of why I survived the first eleven years of my life along with him surviving the first twenty.
-We weren’t meant to survive right?

I got a hippy ass perspective on why there’s scars on my genitals that I can’t explain to a doctor.

It lasted about a month until I was drugged and raped [...]
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0

It’s That Time of Year Again

  July 21st, 2018 by raperapelemonade

2nd year anniversaries are so surreal.

I dont know if it would honor you or offend you if I chose to enter light body that day. I already failed once in a way I shouldnt have failed because of your bad timing. Then you died.

This is a sign I should go with you, I feel sometimes. You said you couldn’t do this life without me, what the fuck do you expect me to do here without you.

Drugs sure help. Maybe they’ll have pity/mercy on me the way they did for you and take care of the dilemma I face daily


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2

I tried to kill myself back in October

  July 12th, 2018 by izzuh

Took a bunch of immune suppressants for a disorder I have. My body basically stopped producing all white blood cells, bone marrow, potassium, you name it. I was in excruciating pain after about 15 hours and when my roommate found me she took me to the ER. Once I was admitted they gave me an anti-nausea and pain shots and it was the most blissful moment of my entire life. My roommate was furious, nurses were staring at me with sad eyes, and the doctors were telling me it would be a long and painful death, but I should be gone before the end of [...]
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5

Not suicidal anymore after 4 months

  June 14th, 2018 by Agonizing

I got fucked with an antipsychotics injection in February and it made life unbearable, I researched so many ways to kill myself and made several attempts at my life. I have been bed ridden for all this time groaning for hours in pain barely able to look after myself, I woke up daily to 5 hour long headaches and had no energy, motivation or ability to feel pleasure, i.e. anhedonia. I thought I was permanently brain damaged.

I had given hope on Sunday and planned on killing my neighbour who was ultimately the cause of why I got sectioned and injected (because he woke me up [...]
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5

Waking up miserable

  June 14th, 2018 by thatboyneedstherapy

I have been struggling with bipolar disorder since I was twelve years old

I can’t count on my fingers and toes how many times I’ve self-harmed, attempted suicide and been hospitalized.

Lately my thoughts of suicide have grown much more frequent for the first time in years.

I thought with age, these feelings would decrease or maybe even diminish but alas, here I am.

Everyday is a struggle to combat the “voices in my head”.

I wish I weren’t so logical as to combat these thoughts.

I’m exhausted. I just want to sleep forever.


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2

Not Even the half of it

  June 13th, 2018 by Lorilove1

This is what dealing with my anxiety looked like all through high school. And being bullied didn’t help my situation at all , I use to hide in my closet for hours with my headphones blasting My favorite music on repeat until each attack went away. I would cry myself to sleep wondering why I am the way I am. I wanted to commit suicide plenty of times ,  by cutting my wrist and watching myself bleed out. Thinking no one will miss me so why not , one period of time that really stuck out was  My freshman year of high school where I [...]
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6

My deepest desire.

  June 8th, 2018 by Snowy

I failed again. This world is full of bleak dark expressions moving about the day. No one ever said living was easy, everything hurts. The sun, this fake smile, repeating over and over ‘tomorrow will be better, it has to’. I let my deepest desire take hold of me, I handed over the reins to that part of myself. The sweet words running thru my head on repeat like a lullaby. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt. I never does! You’ll just sleep and never have to feel like this again. You need this, you want it. People will move on, the world won’t [...]
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1

I Cant Go On Anymore!

  June 3rd, 2018 by Icantgoonanymore37

I can’t go on anymore! I feel I’ve reached the end of my road! I’m sitting here all alone wondering where it all went wrong.

37 years old and I feel so Worthless & Totally fed up with life! I just don’t see the point anymore! Why do I still continue to try, when it gets me Absolutely No where!! Everyday is So Freaking hard, & I’m still struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Why you ask? Well, the last 37 years of my life have been absolute hell here on earth! I don’t have anything left inside. I pray for [...]
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8

My worst nightmare about to come true

  June 1st, 2018 by brokenmom

9 years ago I attempted suicide by overdosing was found unconcious 2 days later and woke up in hospital,then transferred to a mental health facility for 2 days .I guess they let mr out because I didnt have insurance,it was an impulsive attempt, Im a 56 yr old female now ,lost my job and am about to become homeless on tuesday, the old thoughts have come back ,im terrified of becoming homeless and all I can think of is ending it now,im afraid to fail at this again, but i feel i have no way out of this mess.


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3

I just want to be free again

  June 1st, 2018 by Cotton candy whispers

In January I tried to end it all. I’m in love with a man who I can never be with, he plays on my emotions and makes me obsessively crazy. It’s a power trip for him and I’ve never been more in love with anyone. I lost my well paying job due to depression and not being able to preform at work any longer. I’m married to a man who I don’t love, we are roommates that split bills and I desperately want out

The day I decided to leave, I took handfuls of pills until I blacked out. It was quiet and dark and I [...]
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5

Pills

  May 31st, 2018 by unknownhuman

I tried to attempt suicide this night. But it didn’t work. I feel sick now and I don’t really feel anything but pain in my stomach. I can’t walk at all without bumping into stuff. I don’t want to tell my mom but I have to. I am afraid that she will get mad.


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7

Two years ago I tried to kill myself. I’ve never told anyone the whole story.

  May 30th, 2018 by skyofAuroras

Two years ago today, I ran away from home to attempt suicide. I left my house at 4:30am and walked to a dried up riverbed outside of town. The sun was coming up when I got there. I wrote in my journal for what I thought would be the last time. Then I slit my wrists. I had used that blade many times before so it was too dull. The cuts were nowhere deep or long enough. I underestimated how painful cutting directly into the vein would be.

I was disappointed, but then I went completely numb. I was nothing. I knew I needed help, so [...]
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3

I wanna give up

I wanna give up

  May 29th, 2018 by unicornkitty20

I just want to give up.. I tried killing myself a couple weeks ago but my bf took me to the hospital and they saved me. I just want it all to end! I’m so done with this place !! The only thing keeping me here today is my 2 precious kittens. I don’t know what to do..


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0

My story in short (it’s good to be alive)

  May 19th, 2018 by lightdoescome

For the purpose of time I will try not to drag this out or go overly into detail, although with in each part of my story their are days and weeks I could divulge into, tearing apart the brutality of living and why ultimately I am now happy to live. Light does come, light will come, please let this be an aid of hope.

I grew up in a ‘broken home’ as you could say, both my parents were around through my childhood though it did more harm than good. They fought a lot and had a lot of their own ‘issues’, school was never much [...]
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3

My Experience with Borderline Personality Disorder

  May 15th, 2018 by sisterofnight

Hey. For starters, I’m 18. As soon as I turned 18 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s the youngest you can be with this diagnosis. I grew up in a stable house hold, with stable parents, and 2 stable older brothers. Where the hell I came from is beyond me. From an early age I showed signs of isolation and poor self esteem. In the 6th grade I wrote a letter regarding how depressed I was to my teacher. No action was taken.

Even as I type this, I feel no attachment to my past. I feel no connection to the daily self harm [...]
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2

DEATH SOMETIMES WALKS ON PADDED FEET

  May 5th, 2018 by s.h45@yahoo.com

 

When death is so near, sometimes it walks on padded feet, strumming the ground like a guitarist, rhythmically – louder – softer, then with fingers on the wood, tap, tap… tap, tap. The sound is everywhere, no one can hear it but the poor fuck.   It builds and then suddenly subsides, then as each pebble of doubt and every dark word is cast into the waters of his mind, the song builds again on each ripple.   Inside his head each wave combines with the last, getting larger and larger. With the sound of the pebbles dropping into the water, cast by each tap, tap… tap, [...]
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