I was at the bus stop at like 21:30 PM when this guy came out of the bus walked by and called me a f*gg*t while walking on his way to the grocery store. Since i don’t get harassed often for being trans i was a bit taken a back by his comment i still managed to shrug it off…i’ve had a pretty good day so far so that comment was a minor inconvenience in the moment.

Then the guy came back from the grocery store and came back to the bus stop. There i saw him pissing against a tree…and the rebel in me decided […]

I went to sleep somewhat calm about the situation and woke up anxious. It’s this constant back and forth of being calm and being anxious that’s starting to grind on me right now. I’m not sure if I’m grateful for those momentary moments of calm or resentful. Being anxious all the time would be awful, but having that calm ripped away from you to go back to the worry and fear feels also terrible. It’s like a man dying of thirst that is then periodically offered a tiny sip of water and no more. Was he better off continuing to […]

i’m just so angry all the time. from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep. sometimes it’s dulled and turns into to numbness but every time i get a flashback to what he used to do to me i’m filled with this insane intense rage and i can’t escape it. i used to just be sad but that’s finally turned to anger and idk how to deal with it. i’m angry at the world, angry at him for doing all he did, angry at everyone who still believes i ‘wanted it’. i’m fucking livid with myself though. i let myself […]

I don’t want to be me anymore. The things I have in my head – it would be better if they didn’t exist in the world. I don’t think I’m capable of living a worthwhile life. And I don’t want to be this miserable pathetic wretch. But I’m scared that it won’t end with death. I’m scared to let go. And I don’t want to ruin the lives of my family.

I’ve got a younger brother, who in my house is a fucking angel child. Every fucking day I’m compared to him. Like “Oh (deadname) Why can’t you be more like your little brother! Hes younger than you! He does his chores, he cleans his room, makes his bed. Why can’t you be like him?”
I don’t fucking know! Maybe it’s because I don’t want to fucking be here. I have fucking school! “Why can’t you keep up on your chores?”, Maybe it because I don’t have the fucking energy to do anything once I’m home! I go to school, deal with freshman all fucking day, […]

hi, i’m reaching a breaking point and i just need to vent. buckle up, there’s several years worth of garbage in here, and it’ll probably be near-incomprehensible because i am both very stressed out and very tired, sorry. so i haven’t been doing well since i was twelve, but i’ve kind of brushed it off because i figured that i was too little to have any real problems, as did my mother when i brought it up to her. but it’s been a few years, and i’ve only gotten worse. almost everything makes me nervous now, i can’t just talk to my friends or leave […]

A few months ago, I’ve had the unique experience of experiencing time dilation first-hand.

I had tried smoking pot a couple times last year, to alleviate the anxiety I feel. It seemed like a good idea because I know other people who use it for just that – and they seemed happy with the results. The first time I successfully got high was pretty good too, so I continued.

That was, until late November of last year, I experienced hell. I experienced the ironic testament that spit in the face of all the cautionary tales I had told myself about immortality, and how it would be a […]

Theres this new Mental Health Support discord. It is for when you need someone to talk to in the moment. You can use it as a place to recover or just as a place to get support in the moment.

https://discord.gg/dG4g5QQsd2

had a crisis chat sometime ago, kept telling me shit about “I feel like you’re depressed..” no shit, im here for a reason. i feel killing myself. what the fuck is wrong with these stupid ass chatrooms?

Hello friends,

I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 a year ago. It was my first obvious hypomanic episode, ie the best 6 weeks of my life – felt like a superhero. Damn it I wish I could bottle that stuff to take a swig of in the bad times. I reckon I got more done in those 6 weeks than in the previous 5 years.

Anyway I’m hoping there are some bipolar 1 or 2 fellow travellers out there who can share your perspective. Maybe even a word of advice. I know precisely 0 people with this disorder IRL

To clarify I was depressed for about 20y before […]

i just want to be loved, i just want to find someone i can call my new big brother, i just want to be cared for.

i feel so used and abused, im so tired all of the time. im sorry im failing everything, im really struggling. please, let me talk to anyone, just someone. i just want to watch someone play games and have a laugh. i just want to be happy. im tired of the pain in my gut and throat, im so tired of being stupid, im so tired of living. i just want to sleep forever. i just want someone to tell […]

I know a big one is “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” the problem with this one being, it’s not always a temporary problem.

I’m curious what some unhelpful phrases you have heard are?

I remember briefly reading this one reddit post about being fated to die by suicide. Some people are meant to be doctors, some are meant to be successful and rich. Some, are just meant to suffer and die. Maybe that’s it. But because life is unfair like that, we’re all still here doing whatever we need to do.

Am I fated to die by my own hands myself? I don’t know for sure but I don’t think I could live a good fairly smooth life in this lifetime. Everything I try to do to increase my social standing I back off from it on my own. […]

I hate my life. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of never being satisfied. I am surrounded by good things that are to me tainted by the fact that they are not better, and that I am incapable of making them better. I have tried to settle, to be complacent, but it never works, it never helps.

I can’t hold a decent job. I quit college because it got too har, even though I had a free ride. I lost custody and visitation of one of my kids. I’ve abused my current spouse many times and even enjoyed it. I hate both of my […]

I’m not ever sorry if you found me out here. If anything, it’s proof you didn’t keep to your words. You lied about finding out too then. I don’t like you checking in on me. I don’t like being confronted for my venting. And social media was very terrible for us that I would still refuse to understand why it matters to you. Being blocked is like us having broken up? Almost as if you were not searching for me the first place.

All these while did not exist I guess. I had never done anything for you. I had never compromised, I had never been […]

I’m recovering emotionally, but never have I felt more psychotic. Things I say and think don’t make sense and don’t line up, there’s a white blur constantly occupying my skull, my vision is decreasing quickly, the sudden sensations i get while thinking about certain topics…they’re not headaches, I can’t even feel them that surely, but they hurt and my reaction to them are that of a crazy person. I can’t see a single future out there where I can go back to normality, I’m destroying everyone’s lives, I’m a walking plague. How do you deal with the fact that everything you do is wrong? Wrong? […]

I’m in a relationship with an ex of mine and i’m really happy, im smoking less, getting stuff done and having my own life while with this girl and she has hers, it seems to work. I feel the happiest I have in a very long time yet my anxiety is the worst it has ever been. Every time she tells me about her life and there is someone else she was into in the story i feel so insecure. I know it’s normal to talk about past relationships, it just hurts. And i know i’m an asshole for feeling that way and i don’t […]

It’s ya boy, Thanatos. I thought I’d give an update for anyone interested. I’ve also posted before as Ignorance Will Prevail.

I’m currently in the process of finding a new place to live and I’m considering moving west to Madison where I can participate at the homeless veteran’s center and I where I have a job lined up.

I’ve gained an interest in an academic field, Systems Engineering.  I don’t really think I’m smart enough to complete a degree in the field, but it is interesting. I was considering the concept of AI and the Greek Logos, which stands for reason and is often represented by water. […]

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. I’ve mostly been in my childhood home, stuck. Stuck in the place where a million bad things happened.  Where I learned not to trust the people I still live with.  That I am nothing.  Assaulted and beaten, I’m unworthy of love and will never find safety.  I can feel how much being here makes me emotionally repressed.  I cannot leave because earn money.  I am disabled and can’t take care of myself.  I can’t go anywhere else, stay with others because I’m a shit person others eventually hate.  I don’t want to die, I just don’t want […]

Can it be enough to live for others?