I am not depressed…. I am not even feeling very down…. I am not happy… but I am not unhappy…. I am somewhere just above midline… Another failure in life reminding me that my efforts don’t matter my limitations will raise up and remind me I am so close to making it into regular life but just can’t make it over the fence… I am tired of being on this side of the fence… I want to hold it together… 3 mouths are counting on me holding it together but the longer I go the further away I am moving from them… Haven’t talked with […]
overview, i’m leaving out a lot of stuff. sorry if it’s dumb and sorry for my grammar errors:
i’ve worked at two callcenters and two help desks for the past two years. when working at a tech support/customer service telecom call center i was always told help desks where what you would find at the end of the phone answering rainbow: the workload is lighter and callers are company employees, so they must know how to do their jobs and probably have legitimate IT questions….. they’re the same and that’s bullshit.
i think it’s hella dehumanizing having to answer phones for 9+ hrs straight day in day […]
I dont know exactly how to word this. Nor do i know why i feel the way i do every single day. Im often wasting my life away, feeling that damn tired feeling that makes me want to lay down and wish for the pain in my heart to stop. I keep asking myself why when the pain consumes my mind, suicide rings like a clear message.
Im a 19 year old, high school graduate male. Bisexual in my tastes, and the abomination the church I once sought comfort in, would now view me if i come out. I’ve never had a relationship. I’m dead scared […]
About two years ago, I started to realize that I was feeling very different. Being only 13, I didn’t really understand my feelings. I stayed locked up in my room when I wasn’t at school. I didn’t really talk to anyone. I wasn’t happy with my friends and I felt completely alone. I finally told my older sister that I was feeling “different” and she urged me to tell my parents but I didn’t have the guts too. I wrote them a letter explaining to them that I thought I was depressed and I wanted to go see a therapist. My parents quickly went to […]
I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this… I can’t say that I want to commit suicide… at least not right now. I’m meant to be doing coursework right now so I’ll probably finish that then contemplate taking my own life.
I have a great life. I study, I have a family and friends, but at the same time I’m not good at anything that I study in my course, I loathe and despise the members of my family no matter what they do I can feel a deep poisonous hatred for them. And… I’m not sure if I actually friends… I have people I talk […]
In my life people expects me to be perfect, but they don’t know what i’m going through. I’m always depressed and i self-harm. I was bullied and i feel like no one cares about me. I tried to stop cutting myself because my boyfriend, but i always have the urge to cut. i need help
I have been feeling severely depressed for the last week & a half. I think it’s a combination of things…been keeping a secret about getting back together w/ my on again off again boyfriend. Finally came out to my friends about it. They all hate him because of what he has done to me in the past. Severe betrayal that I won’t go into. One of my best friends is no longer talking to me. My other good friends dad recently died. He was like a second father to me growing up. That’s been tough. She didn’t even call me. Then I had my birthday […]
I’m turning 19 tomorrow but I feel like my life is over. The one person who I was close to is having her funeral a few days later. No one else matters to me anymore. I’m thinking of just ending it today but I know she would’ve never forgiven me. I wish there was another way but I can’t help forming these thoughts in my head. And to think, it would be so easy. The pills are right in the other room. How hard could taking an overdose be? The only thing that’s making […]
My question is always why. Why do I feel this? Why does it have to be me? Why do I feel guilty? Why am I hated? Why am I judged? Why do I act like this? Why did my best friend ditch me? Why am I ugly? Why am I fat? Why do people care if they’ll judge me anyways? Why? Why is the question we ask ourselves everyday. We want an answer. We perceive things different from other, but why? Why can’t I listen to bands such as the Arctic Monkeys? Why am I judged if I am different? Why do I exist? Why […]
The Break Up
I can see the text now “Ryan we need to talk” that’s how it always starts. This is the 3rd time she’s said this to me. Never has it come to anything but I can see this being it. As of right now my heart is pounding and I am sitting on my bed worrying, shivering, thinking, pleading. Why can’t my heart stop? just stop god damn it. I am 17 and I am truly and excuse my language “fucked” right now I have no friends and I mean that I am not just saying that for sympathy. I have had to repeat […]
This has been an ongoing battle and I am convinced I was put here for no reason at all. Everything and anything that could go wrong in my life has and is . Nobody ever loves me. Im always the one who gets thrown away. Why do I always want the things that dont want me? Im a good selfless person, but I get thrown away. Im never good enough. Whats so terrible with me? I’ve always envisioned my self jumping off of the Golden gate bridge. The beauty when your up there. The air you breath. The water below that will take you away […]
I hate my life and everyone surrounding me,I hate everyday because I have to pretend to be happy while I was and still am depressed for the past 12/13 years.I tried to commit suicide once but failed that time I thought it was God’s way of telling me everything will be fine but it wasn’t in fact it got worse.my parents got divorce and I started to blame my mom because she was the one who cheated on my father who was a very committed husband and father as far as I know him.then i started to blame myself for everything.i considered myself as a […]
everyday is like a struggle. A breath I can’t seem to find. When all the pain from last night comes into my mind. All the feelings all the people that I just can’t figure out, I’ve finally found a solution to get my life sorted out. I’ve searched and searched, through this journey of sorrow. I’ve hid and I’ve found, I’ve taken and borrowed. After all this time, I hear Death calling my name. I know I hear it, I know I do, I swear I’m not insane. He comes in the dark, when father closes the door. His voice is scary and sweet, something […]
Does everyone really have problems? Aren’t some lives beyond repair?
sometimes I cant post
I login and try to post and there is no postig area that pops up
what am I doing wrong?
Your voice was the only thing that could calm me down. When I was on the bathroom floor with a bottle of pills and a cold blade in my hand, you were there. You called me and just hearing your voice made me relax and breath. You changed me but you left. I have no idea who i am anymore or what my purpose is. Im lost without you by my side. I cry everyday at the thought that i wont be hearing your voice before i fall asleep. I wont be hearing your voice when i wake up. I wont be getting any sweet […]
Another day of, well, nothing. I can’t laugh, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want anything but to plan my final sleep. I don’t know if my coworkers notice- probably not, they don’t know me that well. I’m trying to decide whether to do it before Christmas, before New Year, or maybe in February. All these are good times, I guess.
Every day is just empty for me, all I look forward to is sleeping and forgetting for one night and then forever. I can forget how I always let everyone down, how I always disappointed everyone- story of my adult life. They […]
Some days are really hard to get out of bed. Today I am going to work but it’s tough. It helps to get out of my way but my brain doesn’t fire all the time.Anybody have any experience with this?
People say only cowards kill themselves…they need a way out so they take their own lives. That’s not true people have so many problems when they hit bottom you would think the only way to go from there is up. Some people like myself mentally and physically can’t we don’t see no were to go…we once had a thing that pushed us to live, but that thing is no longer there. I’m going to be honest I think about killing myself at least once a day. To be honest again if I knew how many pills to take then I would be already gone…I don’t […]
I’ve been on this site a lot recently. I like it here, because it allows me to scream into the void of internet anonymity within a community of like-minded individuals who will essentially scream with me. If only our commonalities weren’t so awful, you know? If only this were a site for kitten enthusiasts or people with an overabundance of zest for life instead of, well, what it is.
I looked through some of the “My Suicide Note” posts, and it was surreal reading what people intended as their final words. It was even more surreal when they didn’t come back and say they’d failed their […]