Just wanted to say it again.
Since starting antidepressants, it’s easier to face challenges in my life. No chalky lungs for a mind. I can take a deep breath and feel like the future holds something warm and deserving if I keep pushing those steps.
I’m not smoking 3 packs a day. I’m not stuck in nightshift. So much has changed, yet it’s hard to give myself any cred. I feel so much better than I did during coronavirus. I noticed that when I stop taking them for a couple days, my emotions crash, and I get a little sobby. I hate that the most when I run out of them.
It’s been… quite a week. A friend recommended me to work with them, my car broke down, and my parents decided to take a more active role in my life, and we got our tax return. I get that most of that is good news, but I just feel overwhelmed. I was supposed to be doing a self esteem journal, but that fell apart on Monday. I want so hard to satisfy others, but even now that’s a struggle.
Now I’m doing that thing, where I sit absolutely still and try to imagine I’m anywhere but here. It feels like my soul leaves my body, a […]
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Do you ever feel numb ? The feeling when your whole world seems to fall apart right in front of you and there’s nothing you can do about it . The feeling when you’re all choked up and the words just won’t seem to come out , the tears are stuck, , and they strangle you and all you feel is sole numbness and undescribable darkness in you . The feeling when you’re indecisive do you not care anymore ? Or are you just really tired ? Or is this just a phase that will pass ? The feeling when you’re exhausted mentally , physically […]
I don’t know if the people I knew are still here. I hope they are doing well. I first came to Suicide Project on 2012 or 2013. Since then, I went to university, graduated, bought two cars, built myself a nice house and now I own an accounting firm. Still, I keep coming back here occasionally.
And how here I am again. I can’t escape from this fate… This is where I belong.
I am so frustrated with life. I can not help the urge to end it all. I barley sleep. I only eat because I have to raise my 21 month old ensuring she is healthy to have a happier life than me… Every night I want to get up out of my bed, grab a knife, and stab myself… but I can not. I have to many obligations to this world that I put on myself. I hate it here. I really want to leave. I want life to be easier. Even if I didn’t have all these things going on in my life, I […]
What am I supposed to be? What am I? I think a lot. Today I was riding the bus back home and I saw a small toddler and his mom (I assume). All I can think was “Whatever you do, don’t grow up. Stay a kid as long as humanly possible. Whatever you do, stay small.” This is a pointless story, but it’s just something I thought about. I try to remember a time where things weren’t sad. Where I thought to myself, I’m not completely worthless. Sometimes I’m too scared to even more. […]
*Do not expect perfect grammar*
*Names have been modified*(hopefully all)
You can access the rest of my money in my bank account to pay my share of the rent.
I have student debt, and I believe it can be forgiven if I am dead.
It’s been hard. I know that there were suppose to be future plans, but I couldn’t last til then unfortunately.
I thought that maybe these feelings were just temporarily. But it has become too much for me to handle on my own. I guess I wasn’t strong enough to just wait it out […]
I always wonder Everytime that, maybe I’m not really suitable to this world… I feel like i was just forced to live here…
And everytime i think about it… i always thought of suicide…
I’m 16 years old, doing school… But i don’t attend classes.. it’s just i feel like i don’t belong to this place… i want freedom, peace of mind.. i want to be free, i want to do whatever i want as long as i can do it…
But everytime I’m attempting to suicide, i always think about “what will happen to my parents? will they cry? will they be happy? what about the […]
i’m not a good person. i could be recovering now but i want to stay where it’s safe and that’s all because of who i am and how i was brought up. i want someone to come in and fix it for me. i just feel nothing generally because i’ve always protected myself from feeling anything. i guess i try to help some people sometimes and i am creative but i don’t feel like anything is worth going through. i’m depressed because i want to be happy and i want everyone in the world to be happy and i want the world to be fixed […]
Then he told this parable:
“A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none. So he said to the gardener,
‘See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none.
Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?’
He replied, ‘Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig around it and put manure on it. If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it […]
I have this desperate urge to feel connected to another person, but I don’t think I’m capable. I don’t like people, not really. Not even myself. Especially not myself. A part of me thinks I’m better than everyone, though most of me knows I’m far worse. I can’t risk anyone seeing the truth. So it’s all meaningless. I’ve cut myself off from humanity – I’m completely alone. It’s understandable that my mind should seek an escape – isolation is a genetic dead end. But escape would require a brain that wasn’t poisoned. I will die this way, however long I live for.
Hello. This is more asking for your opinions than ranting.
I know I’m not the first one or the last one to say what I’mma say. I know I’m subjective since I am in depression, and this is not well documented, it’s only based on my personnal experience, and what I see on the internet.
In our societies (at least western developped ones, sorry for all the other users, I just talk bout what I know), are people getting… worse? Worse, for people ? Well, yes. Worse overall. And standards are lowering. Let me explain. I want to know if you agree with these points:
First obvious point:
softer […]
Its never my turn. My last partner, almost 3 months ago, left me for drugs. “Over drugs or you? Drugs, sorry but your too bubbly.”
Am i not important enough? Ive had 26 partners. Im not even out of high school. Most date me to grt closer to my best friends, but theres one, this one person ive liked for almost 4 years now. And it hurts. It hurts so damn much. I want to asked him out. I do, but im scared.. what do i do? Im asking for help here.
I finally worked up the courage to write this, my very bizarre story that probably nobody will even believe. I keep wondering if I even should write this memo, i may simply delete it later in fear of it becoming popular and making me famous or something similiar, and that i am not interested in. My story begins over 700 years ago and ends soon after
I am the last of the Cynocephaly or at least that’s what you called us. I once was a powerful creature and man, but my own people saw me as something of a monster, and because of my appearance i […]
I’m so angry. I don’t even really think I can but it into words right now. All I know is, is that the project is fucked and that I hate the slimy fucking weasel. I hope he gets fucked over hard one day.
When I received my final acceptance letter, a door closed behind me forever. I have to keep living now, for how long, I don’t know. There’s no going back. Maybe it’s because I have been living with it for such a long time, or maybe I love to see myself suffer. When my mental condition gets better I live like a pot without a lid. But when it comes back, everything goes blank. Nothing is going to fix my problems, I have nowhere to go. I think I’m too attached to the negatives, because being angry feels good, because crying feels good, I can’t write […]