I cant do this anymore, I just cant my mom hates me , my aunts, uncles , cousins, friends all think I’m useless. I just wish my dad were alive, he would tell me everything is alright he would tell me he loves me. But hes gone the one person that loved me left me. I have tried getting to him but nothing works. I’ve tried committing suicide at least 4 times all because of my mom and her boyfriend. no I am not looking for attention I just need to get it all out by writing. Tonight’s going to be my 5th attempt wish […]
Why do I remember still? Why can’t I forget? And why do they keep reminding me how useless I am???… I just want to escape everything… be happy and free for once… I don’t care if I fall asleep and never wake up again… in fact, I welcome that..
pues no se porque estoy escribiendo esto. casi cinco anos de depresion y todavia tengo sentimientos oscuros. ya tengo experiencia con “therapy” y mas de dos meses en un hospital…pero nunca de esa me ayudara. pienso que nunca va a ayudarme y es dificil despertar en la manana sabiendo que esta es mi vida ahora.
I don’t know why im writing this. nearly 5 years of depression and still i have dark feelings. ive already had experience with therapy and more than 2 months in a hospital…but none of this helped me. I think that nothing is going to help me and its hard to […]
So im a little afraid of dying which ive told myself is normal so im okay with that.What i cant figure out is why unlike other times i dont feel sad but i do feel suicidal.It bugs me cause i dont feel much of anything when it comes to emotions other than that fear of not knowing whats after this.Im still going through with it but it would be easier if i was feeling some depression along with it or some anger.Maybe i am empty inside i just dont know.My sisters leaving and i may hurt others if i dont stop my life.Im doing it […]
My story is different. I never thought I would end up here, but here I am, struggling with everything. I can’t remember the last time I was happy.
In the spring of 2012, I met my best friend. Let’s call her Anna. She was pregnant and we instantly began doing everything together. My boyfriend and his best friend and me and Anna would do everything together. She had her son in August and everything changed after that. She was always a mild person. Never got into any trouble. From September 2012-June 2013, the four of us got into all kinds of things we shouldn’t have. Drugs, […]
i dont know how to start this off but i dont know anymore, it feels like my life is falling apart and i cant do anything about it, even though its only summer, im happy about school because im gonna really try super hard this time, in grade 9 i passed most of my classes with 51s
fuck
and i didnt even pass math in summer school but thats not whats making me feel bad, its about the fact that i have no friends anymore and we used to be really close and im sure all of my internet friends hate me too
they shut me out, do you […]
I’v been suicidal for 5 years. I started to self harm in 7th grade. I was bullied a lot and figued no one cared. My friend saw my arm… she didnt lecture me or tell me to stop or ask why. She simply walked away and we never spoke again. Iv had no one to talk to for 5 years. My mom hates me. She knows nothing about me. Her main goal in life is to get high with her boyfriend, but anyways im in my junior year of high school. Everyone look at me funny, i mean it was fine until it got worse. […]
My last attempt at “100 days of happiness” is laughable. I got to day two before saying ‘fuck it’, so now I’m back to good old fashioned venting posts.. hence the numbering “four”. I guess I’m not cut out for that gimmicky bullshit. But I get a pat on the back for trying.
So today, it finally dawned on me that I need to lay off the carbs and sugar. I seriously feel like complete shit. Aside from the expected bloating, lack of physical energy, gain of ~6 pounds in the past month, constant breakouts… I’ve been feeling mentally slow, sluggish, lackluster. I woke up at […]
Should i make a youtube channel
about my bi problem or nahh
oh and im starting to take a interest in making
songs and playing piano but the problem
is that a piano cost a lot and i cant sing
what you think?
I have been suicidal for about a year now and today was one of the better days but sometimes I get this numbness like I can feel physical but not mentally. It scares me because I freak out and I don’t know if going to feel mentally anymore and I hurt myself then I feel mentally again then I think why in the hell did I just do this? If I don’t try to do anything it gets worse and it happens at the most random of times and it hits me at the times I’m not prepared for it. Does this happen to anyone […]
Ok first off, yes I’m fat. But being told from a guy that your fat, useless and ugly really hurts. I’ve been called down all my life by my mom and other family member, people at school . There’s not a lot I can take in life. I’m very self conscious. I think about my image all the time. I’ve never felt like this until I started getting called down. I never thought I was ‘fat’ I knew I had a little more weight then skinny people, but I’m not extremely fat. I just have a little extra meat. Now I think if myself as […]
I mean we’ve never really been financially stable it seems with a father who doesn’t seem to give a shit about how he spends his money then again he was raised on a farm so I’m sure its hard for him to adopt to life here but it sure would help if he at least acted to give a fuck about us at all -_-… anyways yes Money always seems to be a problem n My Mom is always stressing about it she works so hard n we still never have enough she has these talks with Me about what I should do with My […]
I’ve spent the last 5 years dealing with depression. My mom never tried to help me and it seemed like the only person who cared was my older brother. He was the one who always drove me to therapy and he was the one who took me to the hospital after I tried to kill myself. After I moved away from him to live with my grandmother I couldn’t find anyone who cared. In the last 2 years since I’ve moved I have tried to kill myself 3 times. I realized by the third time there was some reason I was failing and I figured […]
You know, I haven’t had a bad life. Really, in perspective, retrospect, looking back… other people have worse problems than me. What I’m going through.. It’s bearable. You know, you bear it because you have to? But at the same time, it feels like you are going down an endless road of shite and it just keeps going and going like a frikken Duracell battery.
I have a pretty decent set of parents, I love them and I wouldn’t change them for the world – well, besides the fact that they are overweight and I don’t want to lose them before I have children, or even […]
Gee I wonder what it will be like going back to school after an entire summer of no socialization. I theorize that it’s always been this way. Elders say today’s generation have no respect, and teenagers feel like no one understands them, they feel jaded and unique to the crowd. I wonder if I appear to other people as just another bumbling fuckhead, unaware of the inevitable. I think we all just put on fake smiles and think to ourselves how awful and stupid everyone else is. Friends are essentially accepted societal masochism. The only one I hate more then you is myself.
I found the only thing stronger than grief, pain, and despair its name is what we call fear
On the 31 of july i woke up whit just one thougth on my head the thougth of dying i planned everything that very morning, yeah i even wrote here i just needed to talk myself off before well you know crossing over, im not a writer so im going to say the things as they happened and everything i felt on my self frustrated “try”
I phone called my gradfather in order to check if he was going to be in home (nobody suspect my condition, yeah im […]
I posted here in May that I had a plan but couldn’t find a way to make everything happen, and it was frustrating beyond words. Shortly after that my on again/off again partner came back into my life and while the constant feeling of not wanting to be here was still there, it was dialed down a bit. He told me a few weeks ago that he is moving to another state to reunite with his wife (he’s been separated for two years), so things got dialed right back up. I got lucky, though, and found a doable plan that has little chance of failing […]
I’ve been suicidal for a year now. And well I just recently graduated high school and a lot of things are going really really bad. On graduation day there was a party and I regret going to that party so much. I took my girlfriend with me not knowing that that would be the last time I would ever be with her. The way things went down was that I was drunk and I was not myself being suicidal for a year you feel really good want you to these things. So the thing was that I went to go talk to another girl and […]
I’m not sure where to begin, other than to say my life has completely spiraled out of control. And I am beginning to feel too weak to bear this on my own. I have a child and I am trying to keep it together for her, but when u have feelings of despair it is so so hard. Right now I am in therapy and will be seeing my doctor soon to possibly prescribe me for anti depressants. I am taking steps in all the right directions to try and get better. I just don’t know if this is even working. My daughters father, whom […]
I was really hoping to just slip away in my sleep last night but, like most things in my life, im just not that lucky. It used to be nights were the toughest for me. For some reason now, its mornings. I hate waking up with no one around. I hate the fact that I cant see my girls faces before leaving for work. They are always the first thing on my mind. I wake up in tears missing them. Why cant I just escape.