I’m not really depressed. I am preparing. I do not have a purpose. I feel useless. Anxiety. I’m single with no children and I have no family. I have no support structure. I’ve tried reaching out. My friends are too self involved. I have nothing to fall back on. Impending doom and hopelessness. All I want is to work hard and have a modest life and to have purpose but it always slips away from me. I am high-functioning autism. That’s all. I’m not lovesick or lonely. I’m stable, selfless and caring. I rarely even get angry. I’m a decent person and I treat people […]
I don’t understand why I’m upset that everyone doesn’t want to be around me when all I do is push them away when they are. I don’t know why I’m here because I shouldn’t be with my last attempt but I can’t attempt again after making it so far, yet it isn’t going to get better. That’s all just a fucking lie. Everything is going to get so much worse and I don’t think I can handle it but I don’t think I can go through attempting again because I’ve made it so long it would just all be a waist if I were to […]
Hello, lovely people of suicideproject.org. I’m asking a favor from all of you. I’m currently undergoing DBT therapy. I’ve only been doing it for about three months, so I’m in the early stages of recovery. While I’ve learned a few useful skills, I feel as though it’s not enough. My panic attacks and feelings of emptiness are getting worse. I’m still very suicidal nearly every day, and I think dying would (obviously) interfere with my treatment. That’s why I’m considering taking medications.
For context, I’m doing DBT therapy to treat my emotional dysregulation problems. For now I don’t have a specific official diagnosis written in my […]
I found it here, and found some replies which I think are worth sharing: https://9gag.com/gag/aDDxXxx?ref=android
Jakelong81 writes:
“I was in a very dark place few years ago and I was seriously considering to kill myself. It was around the time the Netflix series, 13 Reasons Why came out. There is a scene in it when Hannah’s parents find her dead body and it opened my eyes. I imagined my Dad finding my body and I realised I could never put him through that. I’m not saying […]
It’s like an itch in my mind. Something that refuses to go away. It’s been little more than a week since I have decided to finally give up. To finally stop bothering her and just let her be. To stop torturing myself and hoping that she cares about me. She doesn’t need me. She has friends and other things going on. She doesn’t care. I repeat these things in my head over and over and over again, but it’s still itchy. Lately I just go to sleep if I have nothing to do. Then I […]
And a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. People know this. That’s why they don’t talk to me.
I have autism, but it’s not that bad, or so I thought. I don’t know what it is really.
I have literally no one who cares enough about me to make the time to even talk to me. Even on here, I’m disliked. It’s not like 2014. I can see why the name “spreject” now. I have no real friends or family. I have nothing and no one. And I don’t want to be here. This world is just harsh, brutal, and cruel. If only my mom’s genes didn’t insulate me from suicide, in my father’s genes it’s strong.
i hate how everything can be all happy and fine then within the blink of an eye, the snap of fingers, SMASH!!!! everything goes downhill, everything goes wrong. within seconds things are getting thrown, hit.
im tried of it….. people say its “fine” that they understand its a condition, but one just cant help feeling horrible and down when it happens. you just want to sweep it under the rug and bury your head in the sand hoping to forget that the mess you created exists, the problem you live with exists, that you exists….
i wish i never existed
I hate myself. I ruined my life to the point where I don’t think it’s possible to change how I see myself. I’m so mad at myself for ruining my teeth. I had perfect teeth and after struggling with bullimia, my bottom teeth started chipping and falling out despite having stopped throwing up for about a year. I’m so embarrassed where I start shaking at the thought of having to humiliate myself if I tried to fix it. I think why do that if I kill myself anyways. It’s like my brain knows if I make myself feel worse then the easier it would be […]
I feel like I don’t exist anymore. Like everyone around me exists on another level, another plane. Its so hard to be seen. Every time I finally work up the courage to say something to someone, they ignore me or do not care. Even my friends are slowly leaving me. I keep trying to talk to them, and they keep pushing me away, talking to other people. Even my friend for the last 3 years, it feels like they now just don’t want to be around me at all.
My family isn’t much help either. My parents refuse me any sort of mental […]
Just fyi, calling the national suicide hotline isn’t anonymous. I don’t know if the person answering the call will see your information, but if you say something that concerns them, they will call the police and the police will have your full name and address (and probably other things)
i was abused for 11 months. my ex sexually, emotionally and mentally abused me for those months. before him i was the girl who would do anything i could to put a smile on someone’s face. i was happy and curious about the world. i trusted and was someone who anyone could rely on. he ruined that person. ever since he carried me into that place and found joy in hearing the word ‘no’. he seemed like he was in love with me and because i was so young and naive i believed him. he made me cut off my friends and family, i lost […]
My body is getting better at saying no, and I’m getting worse at talking it out of it. Yesterday at work I had a two hour long anxiety episode. It was just rolling panic attacks, and I masked my way through it, I thought I was going to get away with it and bounce back….
but things got worse when I got home. I was too tired to do anything, and my struggle for self care made it so I couldn’t calm down and sleep. Finally at almost midnight I wrote my resignation, turned off my alarm, and decided that there wasn’t any way to keep […]
It’s been 13 years since I was betrayed. Still not over it. Never will be. My best friend died a few weeks ago. I wish it had been me instead. I hate life.
I’ve completely broken down this time. It’s like no matter how hard I try, it ends in failure and more agony. I thought this damn time, I could finally recover my health…hah, what a joke! At the same time, what did I expect? I feel dead inside, don’t give a shit about my future, not to mention my health is like this because of being self destructive from wanting to die.
I have no one except for my family, the very one that plays a big part in why I struggled so hard to not hate myself. I feel a little bad about writing […]
I wrote about this a couple of months ago and I did not see myself being able to make it through the holiday season, well the holidays are here and so am I. I wish I were not. What is stopping me from making this transition. Surely not the notion that things will get better. Nothing has gotten better since then and most things have actually gotten worse
Earlier in the year I shared how my depression took a major downturn when my wife informed me that she was leaving me. I did not act hastily and do something stupid then, that to me is just […]
Damn, I wish so much that the things that happened didn’t, because you are like the only person I could EVER trust in so many aspects, and for sure because you are the only person I haven’t ever felt afraid to handle my laptop to. Because I knew you were good at this. Fuck, yes, I am desperate and I know you won’t help me, but I need this laptop, ok? I need to deliver it to the service in the morning and I already feel the crippling fear that they will fuck it up even more. Like the last time, you remember? Why the […]
I’ve made no progress over the years I’ve been on here. The link between pain and what’s the right thing to do has driven me mad. Basically working causes me terrible terrible pain but not working forces other people to do it for me like slaves and it’s just awful. It’s one of those catch 22s. There is no way out. And it’s not logically possible there ever will be. It feels like I’m in some hostage situation but the bad guy is also me.
Unavoidably, being responsible for stuff comes back, and a near enthusiastic engagement with my experiences.
I’m so over it though. Maybe that means doing these things “ironically”, all the while in the back of my mind, my bags are packed, fuck this place, fuck these people, and none of this will ever really matter.
My only true love is the void, dancing with it fascinates me. It’s the only thing that makes me feel like it is worth going on.
Today someone said to me “fuck death” and I thought about the game fuck marry kill, and I’d marry death, there are way sexier things out there, but […]