Seeking a roommate. I’m looking to move out of Southern California and checking out rooms in New Mexico right now. There are some pretty good deals if maybe we can split rent two ways; split 750 so 375 dollars. I’m open to other suggestions, too.
Is it possible for someone who has shown no emotion for the past 17 years to show emotion again? I’ve kept my feeling balled up for so long and only concentrated on depression and hate. I hated that some of the best people I knew were killing themselves to escape reality. Why can’t i do the same? Some of me has the want, the dreams, the desire to end it all. But there is a very small an vague side that just won’t allow me to. How long can this side stay strong before the darkness rolls through like a tornado an rips apart the […]
It’s 6am here and I’ve been awake since 1am. I go to bed very early and love to get up and go on the computer during those blessed early morning hours when the rest of the world is asleep. That’s pretty much the only time I feel anything approaching to contentment and relaxation these days.
I’ve yanked up the pep pill dosage and have been rewarded with a little window of enjoyment. I know it will quickly be replaced with the anxieties, frustrations and despairing thoughts that every day now holds for me, so I might as well make the most of it.
My elderly ma is […]
For as long as I remember I was frightened. I feared other people as I wasn’t nearly as good as any of them. Then I joined the military and I was more scared. But then I started drinking and the fear left me. Being gay in a straight world (and a drunk) is not healthy. I was very frightened others would find out I was gay. My gay relationships were few – with occasional encounters – and after each encounter I feared people would know and I would have to leave the military. I never talked about my sexuality. Then through my alcohol addiction and a “disastrous” night I was […]
My life is a thrill ride, I swear. Three weeks ago, I had friends checking in on me to see if I had killed myself, yet…A week ago, I was on top of the world. I was feeling great. I had no worries and didn’t even feel the back twinge of depression. Now, I’m back down. This time, I feel like I was tossed off a skyscraper and the impact is forever engraved into my bones. I am back to not feeling any type of emotion except apathy and sadness. I am at a loss and I don’t know if I can crawl out of […]
Um, hello.
I’m not quite sure if anyone is going to read this, or how this works in general, but I am just going to say what I feel like saying.
Usually, what was happening to me in the past couple of years, was that I would become moderately anxious and depressed when the end of the school year came around. I would go to my psychotherapist, and by the end of summer, I would feel just fine. This process repeated for about 2 years.
But this year, I feel like it’s not like the “process” at all.
I started feeling worthless and depressed towards the beginning of the year, and then […]
i took pills last night, left extra food and water out for the cat, taped a sign to my chest that read ” i hope i die tonight Fuck you ALL!”
ever tried to kill yourself and it failed? how do you feel when you wake up and know it didnt happen…or you didnt cut deep enough…or whatever method you tried? i am a TOTAL FAILURE as i have tried so many times and obviously, ALWAYS been UNsucessful!!!
no one cares or listens to me in my life….why bother being here (life) if all i get is crapped on? Why dont others see my pain… that they […]
I don’t know your thoughts these days.
We’re strangers in an empty space.
I don’t understand your heart,
It’s easier to be apart.
i cant handle life alone.
i desperately want to die.
i self-harm to feel better and make the pain of being an outcast and all alone.
i wonder why it is ME that cant have friends….obviously, I MUST BE DEFECTIVE…but how do i locate the defect?
i need the pain to STOP….since i’ve tried everything else, i want SUICIDE to take it (all the pain and sh!!t in my life) away….forever…..a permanent solution to an ongoing problem…i see ZER0 hope in this ever changing into something good and worthwhile.
i thought humans were “mentally wired” to be with other people…then WHY does my higher power allow ME to be destitute […]
Why do you want to die why not talk over some pie or we can just get high oh its illegal thats why lets just talk over pie lets forget about lifes lies, talk about the fallacies of our mind the pain that you just cant be left behind or maybe you can say just say hi dont be shy tell me why you want to die I kinda ran outta pie by the way my name is guy
I was doin good for a little while or … Well it seemed so… I dont think I’ve ever been “doing good” i dont know. Does anyone ever just feel like they are living some kind of joke. Some kind of fake thing. Life to me is kinda wierd. I’m not in control of my own mind/habits/thoughts and that in itself scares the shit out of me. My parents really have gone the extra mile for me. They provide me. Safe haven while i try to regroup myself and im 28 so its embarressing as hell. They try their best to encourage me. Im a […]
When I was little I had 2 sisters, and one mom. The hardest thing about all of these things are that I could of helped them by maybe not even being born. It’s so hard to look at other kids, teenagers or something. I have a bad life because of all of the things that were exposed at the time. I blame my self that she went down because of me. We had literally nothing to do but lay down somewhere and keep warm or even cold. I want to see her so bad, It hurts a lot, I’m lost and confused. All I ask […]
20. Female.
Do you know the pain of living every single day with nothing to look forward to or any plans? Its my life on a daily basis. A life of an invisible person.
Every day I live my life in isolation when I know there isn’t anyone in this world that cares. In the past I thought that I had “friends”. Truth is, they were acquaintances, not real friends. You know the type of relationship where you give a lot but you get minimum in return? Ive had too many of these.
I have no family so I never grew up with a family experience. […]
I’m new to this so I don’t really know how to start out but I guess I will try my best. All my life I’ve delt with hardships but who hasn’t? My parent were divorced when I was 6, my father was a drunk, my mother was a partier. An when they decided to split it wasn’t peaceful. They didn’t care about us kids they just cared about the money that came with the kids. And this is still going on till this day, I’m almost 22 now. It’s hard going through life knowing money is always more important than your life. And I’ve had […]
today my mom was yelling saying she wanted to diee & i said me too so she told me to do it & she said she was gunna go home & take pills and kill herself because she didnt want to be a mother anymore and she was done with us (brother,sister & i) …………..i called the cops on her telling them that she was making threats about killing herself am i wrong ??…. i knw shes gunna hate me even more now and never talk to me because of that. my family probably gunna stop talkking to me as well…. im always the […]
People piss me off. I piss myself off. I wish I felt something other than this. I probably need to go back to the blade. And do the “homework” my therapist gave me.
So I know I have been posting things like this a lot lately. But yesterday I finally pushed the one person that was really holding me around. I told her that we can’t be friends anymore or can’t date or nothing. I know a lot of you will say why would you push someone away like this or do something like that. Well I don’t want her to take blame for if or when I do this. I don’t want her to hold the fault for the rest of her life. Cuz it’s not her fault and she should never take the blame. And I […]
My family suck. Mostly my mom though. They are full of empty promises and bullshit reasons to hit you or ***** you out for something stupid. Like today for example, I was walking around this glass table outside when my dog, who was with me, freaked out and pushed the table over. My mom gets angry and blame me for the table being broken. She hit me and started saying things that just hurt, especially when it’s coming from FAMILY. She cared more about ten old table that’s about 7 years old then me bleeding and hurt. Like it’s a table. She was talking about […]
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I am living life as I think I’m suppose to. I do feel hopeless, but it’s in a new kind of way. I don’t dwell on it like I once did. I really feel “ok”. I’ve accepted it.
I still have small feel goods, but they go as quickly as they come. I feel annoyed and agitated quite often, but usually with one person in particular. I am anxious more than anything… I can’t seem to shake it. It is destroying my life… ME. I tried so hard to fit in, do my best, be a good mom, friend, person, […]
I’ve always felt there’s something seriously wrong with me and the gap between me and others has increased and become more obvious over the years. I can’t communicate and I end up being hated by every single person who ever gets to know me, and then they label my insecurity and fear as ‘social anxiety disorder’ as if it’s an unnatural response. When I appear online on facebook people go offline and someone’s just said “god I give up” just because I, liked her post. How can I not commit suicide when I am so brain damaged that I can’t even communicate to kids or […]