It actually not matters if people remember me or not after my death. does it?

but why most of people use their emotion than their logic in this case?

I have found my perfect method…insofar as any method can be perfect. No way of murdering yourself can be pretty…at the end of the day you’re leaving behind a slab of rotting meat for others to clear up and dispose of…but what can you do? Life is forcing my hand.

I’m 52, well past my prime, overweight, bipolar, on meds for many years, fucked up by them, now having to come off some because it’s that or diabetes. So I’m in withdrawal, and the depression is worse, I’m suicidal from morning till night, it’s practically all I think about.

Have lost all my passions over the last […]

Should I write a poem?? I don’t know…someone help me out. Hahaha

I don’t know how many times I’ve started to type. “H-E-“, No! Stop! People have their own problems and worries. Why should they stop to help me? Would I stop to help me? I don’t know how many times I’ve heard my inner voice scream with the intensity of a million suns. Many people read this post and think, “Oh, it’s just another chick asking for attention.” I honestly wish that were the case.

The darkness is getting darker, and the sun has faded away. I no longer see light, just softer grey’s. My hope has flown away with birds. I’ve cut communication. I can no […]

Can someone please tell me how to tell one of my stepsiater that I have cut myself! Her other sister has been in 3 mental hospitals and has cut herself. But idk how to tell her because when I tell her about one thing, she says is that all? And I want to tell her so bad!! Help me please! When should I tell her?

I think the scariest thing in life is the thought of settling; the thought of giving into the false expectations of this world…just falling in line and becoming yet another emotionless face in the crowd. Just mindlessly going through the motions to the point where everyday feels the exact same. To the point where passions become colorless and dreams become meaningless. Whether it be in a job, a relationship, your environment, or maybe a combination of the three. We tell ourselves that this will never happen to us, but before you know it, the repetitiveness starts to set in; the dullness becomes more and more […]

Everyone sees me as the “happy person” ready to cheer anyone up, but what they dont see is what im truly feeling broken, damaged, hurt, depressed, useless etc.  I dont fit like everyone else , im just like that puzzle peice that never fits in any spot because it wasnt meant to be there in the first place.

“im trying to find the world that a belong to, its just not this one..im just passing through..”

Hello my name is Michael. I’ve been through a lot of agonising pain, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I personally see no other reason to live. But I seek advice. I’ve tried suicide 3 times previously.

I’m not going to bore you with my pathetic excuse of a life, as I don’t want to be a burden.

I don’t see any other way except this. Attempting 3 times and not succeeding on any of them just shows you how much of a failure I truly am.

Yours Faithfully

Mike~

How Depression Has Changed Me for the Better…A Message of Hope

Remarkably, two years from its onset, I’m still alive; still fighting. By some odd twist of fate, I’m still here…still on this beautiful earth that once was forgotten in my mind. I’m still here to speak of the taboo disease that is depression…this stigma that is an incomprehensible sadness. The sole disease that many encounter, yet the sole disease that no one wants to admit to. The sole disease that is so easily swept under the rug. The sole disease that is too disgusting to talk about, so it’s kept to a whisper. The sole […]

To all of the ass holes, the miscreants and the filth out there sounding the earth I’m done, I don’t need to be hear anymore. You along with many other things have pushed me to the edge then when I’m grasping on to the cliff for dear life you stomp on my hands, I hqve things to tell you before I am gone, I’m sick and tiers of your comments and your judgements, all If your discrimination and lies, I AM GAY, I AM A NERD, And you know what YOUR AN ASSHOLE. if you think you can judge people because they like someone of […]

no more hope, no more words…

I love theater.  I love musicals.  I love singing and acting.  So what do I do?  I take part in my school’s musicals every year.  We had our auditions for next years play today and I think I messed everything up.  After I did my lines they told me I did a good job but then came the singing…  I’ve listened to the song so many times I have it memorized!  I’ve worked so hard yet during my song they had me stop early!  They gave us a stopping point so the audition didn’t take too long and I didn’t even get to that point! […]

I explained in my last post how many of my problems are congenital: that i’m extremely stupid, unattractive, physically undeveloped, and have no personality. The pain from this reality is escalating and i’m becoming increasingly angry at the world for it’s lack of empathy. For example, I’ve been to the cinema twice in the past two weeks and on both occasions people sitting opposite have laughed at me and called me a spastic/retard because of the way I stare at the screen and snicker repeatedly at funny moments because I’m too afraid to talk. I’m sick of sales assistants and security guards who glare at me […]

My mother is a ****.

I honestly see all these posts about how the short drop is the most painful and it takes a long time but is it really? I’ve tried partial suspension and that’s not painful at all. It’s just like pressure, that’s it. I do wonder how the short drop would take any longer and be anymore painful? I mean it still cuts off your circulation so you are bound to pass out, but i doubt it would take 5 min. Can someone explain??

Before I begin, I just want to tell the moderator that I won’t be making posts which go against the posting rules. Tomorrow morning, I will be making another attempt to hang myself. I was going to do it today but I realised that someone might come home early. This would not have been good for me. I am hoping that I will not be stopped by my fear of the pain. That was what stopped me in my first attempt. Admittedly, I felt quite disheartened by my paralyzing fear and I did not try again for several days afterwards. However, I realise now that […]

Sickness, pain and everlasting guilt. Mistakes and terrible decisions made and repeated once more. Memory fails me unsure if  it’s due to anxiety, fear and shutting down or something more sinister.

I’ve pushed everyone away,  ran away, I miss my friends but after six months of me pushing them away, hiding, ignoring i doubt they want anything to do with me. Who can blame them, im uselss, boring and so withdrawn. And I can’t even admit how terrible I have been.

I have thought about death so much this year. I wanted to end it all so many times. I went to a funeral of a dear […]

Depression is such an awful thing, I sit here looking through my window at the warm sunny day outside, at the people walking past in summery clothes, happy and content with their lives, I want to join them and yet, I struggle to get up out of bed, I struggle to get ready, let alone go out, all I have is an emptiness within me best suited to the cold; yes, I feel it most on warm sunny days.

Ive been suffering from depression and suicidal ideation for roughly two years now, though I can remember my first time saying I want to die was in the 3rd grade. Two years ago I lost what I had believed as to be everything I had wanted. A house, nice car, a fiancee, I was happy and full of confidence.
Unfortunately I had the pleasure of losing all of that Plus more within 6 months time. Fiancee crashed my car, insurance wouldn’t pay for it, fiancee broke up with me, realized she had been cheating, kicked me out, and stopped paying the mortgage. House is in […]