how much can a brain process? day in day out i only keep thinking and seeking solutions. how does normality feel, what is rest – i’ve forgotten all these things. though i don’t feel like that, but logically speaking, it will explode one day.

i’ve accumulated quite a collection of solutions by now. they can change anybody’s life if he follow them diligently. but then i ask – why don’t they change mine? i think there is a part of me that wants misery, that don’t want to get detached from them, that wants all that evil that they transfer in me.

how good moments before sleep feels. i feel like finally its ending, finally i’m going to be unconscious. i feel like tomorrow is gonna be totally different; i’m gonna be totally different. actually i feel glad that tomorrow is not gonna be ‘me’, it will be somebody else who will wake up and face all the struggles. me is ending today. its almost like suicide, only there is no fear or selfishness attached because of trust. and yet its me who wakes up again, with all the same sameness. do i anymore belong here? is this a new escape trick my mind is playing?

all that they want from me is to play my part in social gatherings. they don’t want to be embarrassed because of their son. how do they see me? just another dot in this social web. i have all kind of social strings attached to me. i’m a position holder: a son, a brother, the heir of this fucking heritage. and they don’t give me required powers either. they think of me as some lowly being. fuck i hate them so much. just let my sister’s marriage complete and i’m gonna show ’em who i am. just just let me get the opportunity.
why do […]

There was a suicide blog named wantdeath.blogspot.com

Is anyone aware of that website? it had a shoutbox! That was the website that saved my life! and many others around the world who are suicidal and want a way out! I had actually made friends there :(( and now the website is gone  :'( I wish it comes back again

I’m 13 years old.

In and out of depression for two and a half years.

Screw it.

I’ve been in hospital for suicide too.

Therapy, DBT…. the works.

I don’t care anymore.

I. Am. DONE.

Time to die?

Yeah…

That sounds about right.

See ya.

So I sit here in a class

no one notices what I do

no one

I sit alone with no one by me

like I like to sit but how I hate to sit.

That empty feeling of being alone will always linger.

No matter what.

Even if I sit with my friend or my girlfriend.

I will feel alone.

It won’t go.

It’s madness that I can’t escape it.

I want to escape it more than anything but I can’t.

I just can’t hurt my girlfriend who is depressed on her own.

Every time I try to go she can’t take it.

I can’t stand hurting her.

I just don’t understand.

She would be better without me right?

I know it.

She’s […]

how does he not understand why i don’t have the will to live anymore?! actually no, he doesn’t care. its because of people like him that take and and take and take, and are actually loved, but their main goal is to act like a parasite and then just leave once they’ve sucked everything they possibly can from you, and you have nothing left. he literally doesn’t care how much he takes from me. he doesn’t care that he causes another person to not want to live. he’s breaking up with me over a situation i may not be able to control. he won’t even […]

All kind of thoughts run through my mind. i can be anything. i can change to any side. just convince me and see where i go. i have always tried to find answers to ultimate questions – questions that are right and on whom my existence and my suffering depends. every time i watch a documentary or read a philosophical novel i get into one of these questions and seems to find myriad of solutions to it. but experience has taught me that they somehow never works. so now when i find a solution i also ask myself why the solution would not work and […]

Hello everyone,

First of all, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

I’m new here. That is, this is my first post here, but I have to admit that I’ve been lurking here for a while. I found this site a couple of months ago or so, and while the fact that this site exists at all makes me very sad, and I sort of feel bad for posting here, it seems like this is the only place where I’d be able ask for advice on something I’ve been struggling with lately. But first of all, I’d like to mention that English is […]

At the end, when everything finally falls apart, I will only remember that once upon a time, I have silently, and deeply, loved someone with all my soul.

I thought I would share this little gem and invite you all to write a caption for the baby’s reaction in the lower picture

I have had terrible anxiety as long as I can remember, it switches topics, but they’re all irrational worries and fears.

I think I am having my worst anxiety period yet, It’s been going for 9 days, I can’t sleep,eat or be calm. The idea of suicide is comforting and keeps me going because it’s nice to think that if things get too bad, I can end them. But now it’s more than an idea I want to do it now, the only thing stopping me is I don’t know how to do it and my family will be devastated. I wish I had a gun, […]

Since im living this horrible pain, i certainly could realize how cruel the destiny plays his game.. it goes like that: the right person comes in the right moment into your life, and  everything is disposed for teaching you how inevitable disgraces and mistakes are.. something is clear for me: it is not my fault, but at the same time, it is certainly my fault in a way.. that is the painfullest thing: it is like the miracle of the life, with all his unstoppable suffering.. at the end, you are just naked, looking into your empty hands, with no way to set free your […]

I think I’ll try to give this life one more year…..I’ll be 60 next year on March 26th……that is, if God doesn’t take me on his own before then…………you see…..since Mom died about this time last year, I have no one who loves me and cares for me in the selfless way a mother or partner can…..and there is no one who wants or needs that from me.  The lonely, solitary life that was chosen for me by illness is simply not any way for a “senior” citizen to live……I’m in that high risk category, by gender and age, for suicide.  I cared for Mom as companion and helper/care giver […]

You’re not supposed to want things, because wanting makes you miserable.

Yet if you don’t want, you have no ambition. You can’t change a given thing unless you want it changed…

Me, I want but I don’t know how to achieve. I feel stuck. So very stuck. Wanting makes me unhappy because I can’t have what I want. I can’t do enough and be enough to get what I want.

And if I don’t want I will still be miserable, unless I accept of course but wouldn’t that be resigning? I just can’t accept things. The guilt is too much.

I’m so confused.

Is it ok to want things or […]

The strange thing is, I don’t feel depressed. I feel like a terminally ill patient just trying to enjoy the time I have left with the people I love. I look around at them and I feel utter guilt and shame at what I know I am going to do. But I also realize how catastrophically disconnected I am and have been for so long from them and everything else. There is a beautiful world out there, but I know now, it is not mine. There used to be something in me that cared, something that loved. But that thing is gone. That thing will […]

All I see is darkness, but I know there’s light somewhere.

I feel like I’m not in the game. The life game, I feel like I’ve stepped out and in to observational mode. But the thing is, I’m not sure what is so great about the game. I don’t ever get sex, I don’t get the cuddles or the mental connections. I don’t get mind blowing experiences or happy endings of any sort. I tell myself, everything that is  wrong with the world is there to make the good things better, and that I should accept it and learn from it.

But you see, I can’t do […]

When I was young I prayed to god to ‘look after my family, send angels to protect them and if he had to, take my life instead of theirs so I wouldn’t endure the pain of their loss’ I prayed the same prayer for almost ten years, for a child with no life experience I couldn’t help but obsess over this worst pain scenario?

Last night I screamed. For the first time in a long time I tried to scream out all my pain, no noise came out though. The sense of reality forced a shit load of tears instead. My swollen eyes made it hard […]

So, they finally explained why I was in the hospital. Apparently I got very very drunk, some guy tried to take advantage of me, I fought him off, then a few hours later I decided to take a whole bottle of Zquil, and other unknown medications and cut myself. That’s when my friend decided to drag me in. He’s letting me use his phone to post and update people. Since I was wasted, they aren’t putting me on suicide watch.