I dont know why,i enjoy pretty much rain.The sky gets a special colour,theres no many people in the streets,it gives an apocaliptic image,so calm,so relaxing.i love to smoke joints when its raining,the smoke dancing with the water drops while portishead or zero 7 sounding in may mobile.i would love to get naked in the middle of the city and walk through the empty streets with the rain falling.

Hi Guys,

I know being on here isn’t good for me. But I just had to write. So you wouldn’t worry. Well maybe you don’t care. Or worry. *shrugs* I guess most of you just pass this post because it seems to be long. I don’t really care. It’s just nice to write my feelings down somewhere. Even if no one reads this. It’s just nice.

So today I woke up late. Felt suicidal. Got a terrible headache and I couldn’t take any pain pills because I don’t trust myself with that kind of stuff. I then had to proceed to go on a 5 hour car […]

2 days ago, out of the blue,  i got kicked out of the only place i have ever truly called home. been staying at a place with no room for me. no bed. no spare blankets. ive been using the dogs own – sleeping on the floor. this bothers no one though. im too young – 19. have gone through breast cancer. i’ll be delusional and pretend im okay but when i think about myself i just cant do anything. cant eat either. i havent eaten for almost 48 hours. i feel like throwing up anything that touches my lips. im so tired but i […]

how could you just do that … all i ever think about is you, and now I’m so lonely. i miss you with all my being. u never cared did you. you never ever liked me and i was just this stupid clingy thing that should just die in a hole. it was all in my head. i just can’t….believe it i guess. i can’t bear to accept it. I’m just tired….i really really…..i just.. I’m pathetic. its like all of that was a dream. it really is like it never happened now, isn’t it? there you go, on with life, and I’m just STUCK […]

I’m in such a bind and don’t know what to do. I have to find a job and go for interviews. I’m so scared about what they will think about my cv. There are a lot of gaps in it. Times when I felt so depressed and could really just focus on studying and nothing else. It took me a lot longer then normal students to get through my studies. Now that I have my degrees I still feel useless because the employers will want to know what I was doing while taking so long to get my studies done. It’s so unfair. It took […]

After 3 years in a new town trying to make something happen I can honestly say it’s only a matter of time, I have about 6 months before my debts are paid off and no debt for my family when I decide to check out. I am a 43 year old male who doesn’t go a day without thinking of topping myself, I am so alone and just can’t seem to get anything happening worthwhile, I have a shitty dead end job and a son living interstate, I know a lot of people will say you have to live for your son but I just […]

My social isolation has increased since I entered my thirties two years ago. I have been single for some time. My friends have all settled into marriage and are now beginning the project of making babies. As they develop, I’m left behind. The more I stagnate, the more they pity me. The more they pity me, the less inclined they are to spend what little spare time they have with me. Exchanges become awkward. The result is that I’m not stagnating, I’m regressing. My alienation from others is cresting into hatred. I was raised and still live in NYC, where extreme privilege is now always […]

So I am doing a research paper and the affects of human rights on gay marriage but I google some info and where I live is one of the most homophobic countries …… Such a great country to be a bi sexual in right I wish I could just take a gun and shoot everyone in my country who are against lgbts including my dad and brother then I don’t care if I end up in prison ….it’s getting to me ….yeah I wear big shirts and baggy shorts I am in love with caps forever in my sneakers so what if I look like […]

I almost said dying, but on its own we’re all dying, life slowly committing its own sort of suicide, the organs beating valiantly against the unstoppable force of death.

I laugh because I see my niece and nephew, and they’re so light and carefree.  They can’t yet know any of this, be tainted by any part of this world.

And then, while my sister and my mother are fighting, I dream of doing it tonight, lying in the living room between the tv and the couch where I rot, blood spilling everywhere into a red memory.  Let them slip on it.  Then maybe someone will hear me.

And […]

I just find it funny how ull be talking to a friend and they’ll be like “u need to be more open to emotions” and I’m always like “I’m trying but I don’t think it’s a good idea to express my emotions that’s all” and u wanna know what they’re response was? “No I meant my emotions” and I have known that person for 3 years, always been there for them… And that’s what I get? And shortly afterwards I asked a personal question and u wanna know what they told me? “Man up.”
I’m just so done with my “friends”. I’m not even sure […]

I have had 15 or so surgeries, and everything hurts. My thoughts of suicide come daily. The only thing stopping me is the fact that my live in gf had a spouse that passed away before we started dating, and I hate the thought of her going through another death. I also, though I am not “religious” , I don,t want to end up in hell. Been looking into writings about this subject, and the bible says if someone commits suicide due to being in pain they can,t take any more, they will not be punished.

I am scheduled for another surgery in a few weeks, […]

I am 55, but at 21 I put a gun to my head and wondered why I shouldn’t pull the trigger.

After contemplating for about 5 minutes like this I became aware of the ridiculous and uncomfortable position I was in. I realised the motivation for suicide was strong but was not coming from within me. Having removed myself from most of the negative influences in my life just to get to that point, the motivation for suicide had left me. There was nothing in me that wanted to end my life. Others, it seemed, were wishing it on me.

I resolved that if I didn’t follow […]

In dire need of true inspiration

To breed on some form of stimulation

I’m not yet my best just a representation

Cause I’m utterly crawling in desperation

In need of direction not just a destination

Craving so deep all I seek inside

Not fully ready to take this stride

Yet no longer do I wish to hide

Losing more hope each time that I’ve tried

As the days go on it’s as if I’ve died

Negative thoughts growing so vile

As I take in pain with a laugh or a smile

It’s been so long, yeah it’s been awhile

Since I’ve had any strength to take on this mile

Just please don’t judge me cause I’m not on trial

Save thee, […]

I knew having my friends come home from school for winter break was going to be the thing that broke me. I got so used to having them home; to having them only be ten minutes down the road as opposed to hours. I got so used to the company, and I no longer felt alone. My best friend has only been gone five days but it feels like forever. I just feel so alone. I’m starting to get urges to cut again, which sucks because I’ve been clean for a little over a month now. I just wish I had my friends here….

I don’t know if i actually wanted it… Keep the path in mind. Keep it in mind, it happens because it must… Musent it?

people say I’m not, but I don’t care about how people feel after I kill myself?

When I’m not doing something I feel like I can’t keep up with my very own mind. It seems to have a will of its own. I can’t controll what it’s thinking, I can’t controll what it’s feeling. It’s like I’m sitting behind the wheel of a speeding car and I don’t even know how to drive.
There’s two things that seem to slow down or focus my mind, drugs and music (when combined I tend to become music).
There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the world that feels this way. All people are either in controll, or they’re not, I’m just in the […]

This fucking black cloud;i think comes from hell and stayes in my head for some days without even asking, is killing me slowly.As slowly and painfull as a snail walks.when this cloud is in my head, my day is over,all i can do is sit in my soffa and watch tv which makes the cloud bigger,But what else can i do?cannot socialise with no one in this mental state,i would punch their faces and beat the crap out of them.when the cloud visits me i change just like dr jeckyl and mr hide i dont know how to spell it,who cares.i hate everybody,every single person,every […]

Last night I had a dream. I was in a dark abandoned forest. Anyway let’s start from the beginning. In the dream it started out I was at my house. My friend who had recently passed away had invited me to go party with him so I did, I got wasted. We all played beerpong, smoked pot and, well just had fun. After a few hours at the party in my dream I had to get going so I left and took my car home. The only thing was the town had changed and morphed in such ways it is hard to describe. It was […]