I feel like I’m pushing myself too much.

Usually I get about 3-4 hours of sleep a night (with the lights on). For the past week, it’s been no sleep, and little 30 minute naps during the day.

I still go to the gym, I still do my homework, I still clean obsessively. My ocd is taking over me now too, it’s getting worse with the lack of sleep.

I get dizzy and I’ve always got a headache.

I’m pushing myself and I can’t stop.

I can’t get his face out of my head.

His bowl cut-bright blonde hair, deep green eyes and laugh that would light up a room. His excitable, 6 year-old body running around every coffee table and corner imaginable in our household. His love for soccer, friends, food, and life in general. He made everything fun and worth living, he was my little brother and he looked up to me.

At the time I was 8 years old, twelve years ago in August. He scored his first goal in his third game after practicing and screamed “YES!” while running up to me telling me he did it and […]

The reason I’m on this website is because one I’m too lazy to write my thoughts down on a piece of paper I’m worried someone will read, and two I don’t want to type something up because I’m also worried someone I know will read it.

I’m a sophomore in college, and have no idea what I want to do with my life. This sounds completely cliche, and not a big deal, but looking at my past in high school among everything else that’s happened it is far from cliche and closer to what-the-fuck how are you alive still?

Anyway, this feeling–this worthless hopeless hideous feeling that […]

Well, I’m not a monk. I am only 34, I can’t live life with no vice at all…. But it’s either that or continue to be impotent. This is a huge blow to my own self image too. I was a heavy pot head for over 20 yrs, this has been the one thing which gave me the strength to not give a fuck, until it made me impotent. So, I can either live like fucking Slim Body Good and live a boring fucking life, like straight edge ++++++, not even hardly able to sit down and enjoy a damn steak or hamburger and potato, […]

So this is kinda a long story. About 3 years ago my sister moved out when she was 17 because she got mad at my mom. She moved in with my moms mom (my grandma) which of course made my mom angry at her mom. My sister called CPS on my mom and the cops and everything all because she was mad. For several years I thought my sister and grandma were in the wrong for hurting my mom like they did. Things were never the same after that. Holidays weren’t holidays anymore. My mom was sad and depressed. She became angry and laid in […]

I have a date range when everything should fall into place. I even have a friend to help make sure everything goes smootly. But I am forced to wait until the middle of December. And I am so incredibly, unbelievably angry. I have moments…many throughout the day….when I am so mad that my body fights every breathe. Even it is sick at the idea of having to take in any more life. Mentally, I have been deceased for months. Nothing new has happened. My mind works itself into a lather with old memories, every single one of which is agonizing. Then after too much time, […]

http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Her-Wings.mp3

I am working on establishing my own tech startup.

I am looking for a co-founder. any one interested?

suicide vs starting a company

Suicide: Your friends remember for a week, parents for a year, all world forgets, there will be no you. Thousands of people are dying every day ( japan tsunami, Philippines cyclone, lots of terrorist attacks around the world….you will be after all one of human among them, not a big difference)

Start a company with me: A last try to prove what a human being can do. Since i am also suicidal i know how it takes to be one. Everything is setup, all you has […]

i’m not sure how this works but ill share with you that I recently tried to commit suicide and i almost died and i was in the hosppital for about a week and then put into a msntal home and no one gave a fucking shit so i moved away from them all and no one misses me and i should of died because it eould of made no difference and i hate the world bye

I’m not here to complain but I’m here to ask why. Everyone pretends to understand my situation but they have no idea. Confession: I’m gay. That is the first time I have ever told anyone that. I’m 15, and I live with my two parents. Both of them are anti-homo-sexual activists. Whenever they see it, they say “I’ll never understand that. It’s disgusting.” I always smile sadly and agree. I don’t think anyone knows and I don’t want anyone to know. attempted suicide twice, cut every night and I’m pretty sure I have Multiple personity disorder. I think so wrong and no one even knows […]

Living alone sucks. . . I don’t just mean in a place by myself, I mean literally the essence of living and being alone. I thought maybe I didn’t try to associate with people. But when I do I get blown off. Make plans, “yeah we can hang” still sitting here alone

Why do I wait? No one is waiting for me. . . For some reason these days I’m dropping back to the grey nothingness. . . This is when I’m most suicidal. I’m counting the days, how long can I last by myself. Not like there would be a lot of people who […]

I’m 14 years old.. i know that’s really young. But I’ve been hospitalized 5 times this whole year. I’ve attempted suicide 10 times. everything is so hard. I try so hard to be happy.. that’s all I want! is too be happy.. I have no friends in high school. my dad hates me.. i know he does because he told me. he said I was a mistake.. that I cause too much problems for him. i never meant to cause problems for my parents. my mom suffers because of me. it’s so hard to go on anymore. I’ve self-harmed since the 4th grade. “Sarahi, kill yourself […]

I mean obviously, if they went through with it, they wouldn’t be here posting…. But I’m sure if some of them did. there are probably some people on here who can stand witness. Perhaps they’ve known some of those people, even if only from on this forum…. I suspect that there are some here (I won’t name anyone or point anyone out– I doubt I could yet anyhow, I haven’t been here that long, but even if I could I’m not trying to stir anything up here) who are just sort of emo and looking for kicks and drama, but I am curious how many […]

I always tell myself that I’m ready to go,

That I’m ready to die,

But I never have the guts to handle it myself.

I wish I did.

He follows me from room to room. I lay down, and he is in the bedroom seconds later. I go into the kitchen, and he is there, right behind me. I walk outside, I watch t.v., I move…and he moves. Hell, if I even use the bathroom, I know he is out there, right outside the door, listening and waiting. As I type this, he is right behind me, glued to his computer as I am to mine. Ironically, he is ignorant enough of my desperate ways to find release that he does not read, or even notice, where I’m at in cyber land. In […]

“This world you seem to live in is not home to you. And somewhere in your mind you know that this is true. A memory of home keeps haunting you, as if there were a place that called you to return, although you do not recognize the voice, nor what it is the voice reminds you of. Yet still you feel an alien here, from somewhere all unknown. Nothing so definite that you could say with certainty you are an exile here. Just a persistent feeling, sometimes not more than a tiny throb, at other times hardly remembered, actively dismissed, but surely to return to […]

I never loved someone as much as I loved him…but then he started pushing me away, accusing me of cheating, and I ended up getting with someone else for a while…then he left me for someone else, but came back because he loved me. We broke up on Halloween, and I was fine for a couple weeks. We even hung out a few times…but I met someone that kept me distracted, fell for him not knowing he has anger issues, and now my ex has a new girlfriend and it’s tearing me apart. We were engaged. I really thought I had a future with him. […]

I went really deep but I can’t tell my mom that I need stitches but I can’t go get them I think it’ll be for but idrc…I just wish I can hit a vein tonight I want to bleed all the bad out…Im tired of crying and no sleep these suicidal thoughts are eating me alive.

I’m 23 years old. I fight too hard but now i’m a loner crazy nervous bony boy. I cant sleep at nights. I feel pain everyday and I cant remember the reasons anymore. last six months i’m sitting on a bench in park smoke cigarettes and thinking for about 3-4 hours every night and people look at me like i’m a freak. I tried drugs many times but they only make me think more and more so i have to quit them. And i don’t have enough money to use alcohol drinks. I cant eat and i’m about 50 kg with 180 cm height. And half […]

Nathan,

I was really upset when you decided to take your own life back on June 23, 2002 and still think of it almost every day. I know you must have been going through some rough times but I really wish you would have contacted one of us (your family)for support. We had our share of fights growing up that I thought I would never forgive you for. As I sit here today writing this letter I can honestly say that I forgive you. There are so many things that I held onto over the years, maybe I could have learned to get over them and […]