I’m so sick and tired of bad things always happening to me. I had a terrible childhood, adolescence and now adulthood. Recently, my worst nightmare came true. I’ve been contemplating suicide again. I haven’t thought about it since I was 14 years old and now I regret not doing it then. I wish I could go back in time to when I was 10 years old, kill myself and frame my adoptive parents for murder. That’s what they deserve. But it’s too late now. I didn’t kill myself when I was 14 because I falsely believed that “it would get better”. I was wrong. It […]

I cut for the first time in a month today, I feel ecstatic to be perfectly honest. I mean wow, I was expecting it to be good and all to feel something again but not this good. Guess I was even more sick of numbness than I realised. If cutting feels this good imagine how much better something on a much grander scale must be! Hopefully I’ll be able to work myself up to suicide tonight, let’s see how this goes…

So anyway I was wondering, why do you guys cut?

I am back home from the hospital…spent 10 days in ICU…had surgery on Tuesday and they discharged me on Wednesday…but I feel so horrible…while I was there I heard countless Code Blues and kept wondering why I kept waking up the next morning, or from a nap…its not fair…I don’t belong here…no one wants me here…the one person I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, the one person I thought understood me more than anyone else bc he was in the same boat…is gone…I have no one…nothing…I am no one…but yet I am stuck…trapped here with no reason to live and with […]

Wind blowing my dreams from me

My shooting star flying away

I need a key to help me

Is there anyone who won’t betray?

I need help but don’t want any

No one can help

My Life is only worth a penny

I’ve hated my life since I was twelve

Can’t keep living life like this

Fucking up everything

I have no right to exist

I shouldn’t be allowed to be breathing.

Its crazy to think about how fast the years are going, one moment you’re in elementry school playing on the play ground, and next thing you know BAM life hits you with a brick. I’ve been thinking deep about this for the past few weeks, what happened ? What happened to not worrying? What happened to dreams and toys. What happened to when “boys where yucky?” And “girls had coodies.” What happened to our childhood? Why does this have to be so fast? I remember my first day at Apollo, I remember everyone I used to hangout with, what happend to those days? Why did […]

She’s mearly 16.

Still fragile and afraid.

She hasn’t actually been in

the real world since 8th grade.

She’s fine

or so she says.

She’s calm for all we know,

but when the darkness goes

away, and she starts to show,

you realize, she’s living with the demon

that’s inside all of us.

She’s too afraid to show it.

Honestly, she barely even knows.

She always try to smile,

and even tries to pose.

But when someone so young,

is just sad as can be,

there’s […]

I’m 15, and will be 18 in 3 years.

Growing up is scaring me more and more.

Of course I know it’ll happen, but so soon?

I’m not even sure what I want to do with my life.

When I’m 18 I’m moving to California, I do know that.

I’m worried most, because when I do move there, I won’t know a single person

and my family will be over 5 states away.

I’m sad enough as is, but I worry what will happen when I’m left alone.

Can I stop aging?

Can I […]

Paul Walker has died in “a fiery car crash” the news says.  This is pretty ironic because he starred in a movie Fast and furious about racing cars.

It reminds me of when Steve Irwin “the crocodile hunter” died.  Steve Irwin died by a stingray barb when he was scuba diving.

Jimi Heselden owner of Segwey died in a Segwey accident.

What do these ironic deaths mean (if anything) or what lesson might be learnt from them?

For the past 8 years, I have kept myself alive because I truly do not wish to harm the few in this world that love me.  A handful of individuals care, and they have listened to my rants and begged me not to disappear.

…But I am now at such a threshold that I no longer care.  I don’t wish to cause them pain, but they are all vastly more successful than I am.  And every new day that I keep breathing is just an invitation to new and more creative ways for this world to subject me to horror, failure, disaster, and humiliation.

I think the […]

Do others think the same?

So I get curious, and venture into the darkest place I know.

(I found what I was looking for, my own thoughts, written by another).

Good Night Ladies And Gentlemen.

I know that life is a struggle that I should have the will to win by surviving and proving them all wrong by making something of myself, but no matter how many times I tell myself that or tell other people that it’s not true. I don’t plan on winning this fight. I am sorry. Sorry for not being there when you truly need me little brother, mom, dad, grandpa. Why should I though after all you all hated me so much didn’t you? I am sorry but telling me how strong I am is just you seeing the lies that I have covered myself […]

No fucking wonder I don’t have friends (according to my parents). And pretend to be depressed and tried to kill myself for attention.

I’m an 18 yr old college student so I stay home for breaks. I see my parents for like 10 minutes. First they dis my new tattoo, it’s on my ear. Which I don’t mind that they just said I look trashy. Then I warn my dad about dying my hair an orangish color. Well apparently that makes me trashy too.

So moral of the story, I don’t get a long with my parents and I’m becoming more of a freak by the day, […]

I’m so terrified.

I am actually showing my suicidal tendencies in public.

I’m actually making it aware.

I can get locked up.

I just want to escape.

I want a new life.

I want to be someone else.

I want to be free.

I want everything to change.

Please. Please , someone help me.

I might roll into a ball and find my way to a corner in my darkened room, and I might just fade away.

What makes me human. Is what I lack.

I’m so broken. I have no future. Every time things go good, they are bad jokes in disguise.

I can feel myself slipping away.

Slipping away into insanity. I’m falling apart.

I am dying. My […]

if you are reading this, well then I’m talking to you.

I think i might be lesbian or at least bi?

its crazy but i think dykes are cool and i would date one but i would call it lesbian (unless the were uncomfortable with me calling them my boyfriend)

idk its all new and i fell for her but i havent seen here and i could have TWICE  i guess its not meant to be?

fgsgsougfs arrghhh idk im so conflicted

Today was actually a good day. I hope that if u had a bad day, that u have a better one tommorow. Goodnightlovelies

I didn’t think it was possible but I’m slowly reaching my limit. I can’t keep living like this. Not even God cares about me. I’m depressed and I want to die. My mother sees me crying and she doesn’t give a damn. Why have you abandoned me like this God? Tomorrow my father is taking me to my apartment. I live alone there. I’ll open the gas from the kitchen because I can’t keep going like this.

It feels like it’s physically impossible to sleep. . . So I can’t seem to sleep and all I want to do right now is sleep . . .

My mind is killing me right now.

That people who run from the near certain death of a battlefield are considered cowards, while people who commit suicide and thus fully face death are also considered cowards?

my life has been hell this year! my parents are divorced and i did live with my dad and he would make me feel like nothing i never did was good enough anymore he would hold things against me for ever. if i ever did something bad he would bring up the other things i did wrong. and no matter how hard i tried to start over he wouldnt let it go . he used to tell at me for no reason. he would never say i love you or hug me. all he ever did with me was punch and play around but i […]