You are the ocean. So beautiful and blue, secreting so many mysteries and memories. I see you and my heart flutters and grows with sugar adoration. We travel along the path to reach the destination of our dreams. My heart grows tired and cold during the travel, because it is as if the ocean gets more and more tumultuous. The dysfunctional waves collide and fill with a force unbeknownst to me; my fragile mind. As the destination of our dreams draws closer, motivation created by the light and perfection surges through my mind and my body, and I become aggressive. I fight with everything I […]
I hate myself so much. I’m such a waste of space, I don’t even deserve to breathe the air around me. I should have died so many years ago. Worst part is, I just don’t have the courage to do it for myself. I’m just waiting for death to find me. I smoke enough and I’ve abused my body so much, it’s really surprising that it hasn’t yet. I actually have no interest in anything. I do nothing. I go nowhere. I can barely force myself to make a phone call. I’m existing just to exist. This is not a life worth living.
I love helping people but over the past year I’ve felt like every time I help someone, it makes me feel worse. I hate seeing people so sad all the time and none of these people deserve it. I started feeling so bad about other people being sad that I started doubting my own life. I don’t understand it. why do some people get to live happy lives and almost never have to use all of their strength just to get out of bed in the morning? and why do others have to go through such torture? I kept thinking about it over and over […]
Yesterday i almost contemplated running away from home.
“How empty & meaningless life is – we bury a person, we accompany them to the grave, throw 3 spadefuls of earth on them; we ride out in a carriage, ride home in a carriage, we find consolation in the thought that we have a long life ahead of us, but how long is seven times ten years?Â
Why not settle it all at once, why not stay out there and go along down into the grave and draw lots to see to whom will befall the misfortune of being the last of the living who throws the last 3 spadefuls of […]
I wake up fine, tired but with an okay attitude to life. But as the day goes on I just get sadder and sadder. I find it so hard to communicate with new people, even people I see everyday. I have so many anger spurts, it feels as if my brain suddenly clicks and queues tears. I don’t often shout at people, even my parents, (I’m too shy for that) but I get snappy and agitated. I feel as if I am holding back tears all the time recently, and this just makes me so tired. I struggle to have the motivation to do anything- […]
My email is marianna_vizakos@hotmail.com
Sometimes I’m so tired of being there for everybody. Its like I want to be there for them but I’m so messed up inside out and so empty at times that I dont know what to say to make them feel better. It’s so selfish and i hate myself for it but at times I can’t help it.
i have a generally good idea why i became and am, self destructive. i know how to correct it, i know what i should do to in all areas of my life. for some reason i just do the opposite. i don’t like being depressed, i don’t like being suicidal, but for some reason i put myself into these situations very conscious of the toll it will have on me later.
i feel like im just wasting time prolonging the inevitable.
ive always been very smart, sociable, athletic, good looking. even my childhood and parents were alright, (as fucked up as they were/are, not even […]
I really really want to fucking suicide. Okay, maybe not. Cause I’m scared of death. But I can’t take it any longer. I want to cut, I want to die. To people who cuts themselves, you do know what it’s like right?… How great the feeling is. I really don’t know what to do… All the night fights I have with my boyfriend is driving me insane. I just feel that my soul is trapped. And that I yearn for a razor to cut my skin. The scars actually seemed beautiful on my hand. HAHA. But people looked. They stare. They Judge. I want to […]
“I love sleeping, It gives me a chance I won’t wake up tomorrow.”
I have had a tough life. I lost my mum when i was young and ever since i constantly fight withmy and brother. My dad got remarried to my stepmum and me and her alot of the time dont get along. The arguments got so bad where i had to charge her with assualt and we went to court. My brother ended up getting in trouble by my high school principal for one day bruising me. I have had depression for a few years and i am at my wits end. I am crying constantly and just wanna hurt myself to put myself out of […]
                                This is the worst part of anything…staying silent, and waiting
I hate it. Hate me. Hate life. Now, ive gone so depressed that its no longer “society”, my parents, friends, etc faults. Its mine. Im a burden. That feeling you get when you realized you got replaced… <<< Ever wonder if youll ever get out of this misery? This is a bunch of randomness I cant even think. Im lonely, sad, mad, hurt. Heck, i have so many problems in my life rn that it seems never ending…
I’ve started drinking. Yeah, not the best thing. My whole life was ruined by alcohol. If my father never drank, we’d still be a family. I wouldn’t be depressed. I’d still have my brother and life would be good and normal.
I don’t know why. I truly don’t. Nothing about drowning my troubles, I don’t think. I’ve always done that by cutting and burning. Something feels different this time. I don’t know what it is. I’ve probably just been listening to too much depressing music. I have no idea. This sudden impulse to drink every night; not even to binge, just to drink. I guess its easier […]
When I was in the fifth grade, I gained a little bit of weight. I wasn’t even fat, just slightly chubby, but I felt huge. My sisters would tease me and call me a beast. This is when I began hating my body and myself. I thought I deserved being teased because I was disgusting. I thought I was ugly and I was ashamed of myself. I remember feeling so uncomfortable. I didn’t want anyone to look at me, I hated shopping for clothes, and I refused to weigh myself when anyone else was around because I was so embarrassed by my weight. I even […]
I am about to commit suicide. Â I know it is selfish and cowardly. Â I know that others feel that same that I do and I’m not alone. Â I know that I have friends. Â I know that there are people that love me. Â None of that helps. Â None of that changes how I feel.
I’m not going to tell you that I’m worthless. Â I’m not capable of doing the things that I would like to, but I’m not worthless.
I don’t even want to die. Â I cry and beg and say it out loud every day. Â Earlier today I was holding my gun and telling myself how much […]
Anyway, i realized they took away my ability to post new posts and shit. I’m guessing I was posting and no one could read them. I will keep this short and sweet. I know many of you used to know me as a preacher and someone who was happy and wanted to help. FUCK THAT. This weds, I’m catching a bus via H2S. If anyone is in the area of NY and wants a ride, let me know. If you think I’m bullshitting check the news wed and thurs. I bet somewhere will be a mention of a “detergent suicide” which is really just Lime […]
This is my first post. I am 15, and always feel like I cannot escape the pain within my life. I have been raped, lost my grandmother, my father left me, I moved, I have been bullied since 5, very few friends, harassed, abandoned, misunderstood, and much more. I put myself before others more so than anything else, and I cannot bare to do otherwise. But I get hurt for doing such a thing. I support self defense, and I would do so if required, and sometimes I do want to, but I cannot think of myself doing such things to someone.
What did I do […]
I know, I’m going to sound dramatic, like a stereotypical teenage girl, but I just want to let it out. So, my story starts here with a girl named April.
There’s this girl I like, April, and she lives in Newfoundland which is far away from where I live. We met online, talking and just being silly. She made me happy again, I believed she had saved me from slipping back into depression. A month ago, she told me that had liked me and my goodness, I felt like I was on top of the world, the girl I had been crushing on actually liked me […]