I can’t stand anything anymore. I’m so bitter about everything. i hate my job, my friends are awful, I am stuck in a town that I have lived in my whole life, i didn’t bother applying for any colleges because my grades always sucked and now I’m stuck going to a stupid community college and I don’t want to go to college right now. I am not mentally stable enough to pass any courses and I have to pay out of pocket because I don’t qualify for any financial aid. But I have to go or else I have to pay my parents rent because […]

I’ve been pretty happy lately.
I’m doing a childcare course now trying to keep myself busy but today was a bad day….
Everything is just getting to me and I feel like I can’t handle it, I don’t want to see a doctor because I don’t want people to know how I’m feeling at the moment, my family have enough problems…
So yeah back to talking to you guys, It’s been so long I forgot my username and had to search for one of my old posts… I have a feeling I’m going to be here more often in future though. 🙁

I was only 6 years old when I was told I was to fat and my grandparents bribed me with $100 to lose 20 pounds… I did but little id I know this was just the beginning to my eating disorder…. Threw out schooling all the kids forced me to go on diets so I would look how they wanted and be like them so they did’t haft to been seen with ugly old me… After a while my parents joined into the torment… for as long as I can remeber I binged my problems away.. around grade 4 I started starving myself to be […]

I seem to be losing all hope my life has sunk to a new low I have no friends and a future that idc about I’m almost ready to die

Is there a heaven and hell?

Well I think there is, but it’s not a place,

It’s a state of mind in which you dwell.

Dance of the Siddhars

Enjoy!
🙂

well, well well, idk even know what well mean… but i say it alot

it pretty obvious to me im in pain, i know this because,i get urges to hurtmyself’, in different way

but i have this one repetitive , where i have slit all the way down my fore arms, and crosses cut at the wrist.

and i sit naked and bleed out,

i have alot of physical pain in my wrist  and that could be why and honestly i know if  cutting will do it any more, and draw super attention i hate, i think these day

but i know im no friend of human contact, i find […]

(I) IS THE EGO MAKER the false self (i am just is) to write what 1 thinks dont matter anymore bcuz 1 knows it is in the being the silence of nothing that i find myself as free immortal love primordial energy although i have chosen to loose myself and be a trolling bstad to survive i get angry and frustrated from that bliss i used to be my heart broke this is what causes me to want to suicide and i am very capable as i have done it b4 and was saved i live for other 1s there attachment and love to me […]

Well, all of my friends are assholes. I can’t remember a time when we weren’t friends. But now they’ve realized that I’m a fuck-up and they stay away. I guess its my fault. They won’t even say it to my face. They just kind of “forget” me so they can all go hang out without me. As if I don’t have enough to deal with.

Back in June i told myself i’m done self harming. Today after almost 3 months i relapsed. Its getting harder and harder to stop cutting, but the saddest part is that nobody understands. They don’t realize how much pain someones in when that blade slides across their own skin. I hate cutting yet i love it and i’m not sure i’m going to be able to stop again…..

sometimes I find myself telling me this. Another one is “Everything’s my fault” but not really everything… just the things that matter. I’m not anyone important. I just… exist for no reason. I’m gay, my mom died because of me, and I have no reason to live…
so why do I? I’m not really sure why I don’t kill myself. Is there even a reason? I don’t know if I fear death, or I’m just afraid of what would happen if I don’t die… In my dreams, small razors keep showing up. the kind you find in handheld sharpeners. I’m always given a box by […]

So i am in love.  I must admit i never thought it will hit me so suddenly but i guess that it’s true when they say: ‘when you least expect it’
The sweetest person i have ever met. I am going to sound as a hopeless romantic but his kisses make me dizzy which is entirely true i can barely walk after he touches me.  So when everything should fit in its place my awkward paranoia jumps out of nowhere. I have never been really close to somebody like this and i am constatly thinking about bad things. I have this idea that something bad […]

(General discussion)

For fuck sakes.. It feels like wend.. Wedes.. Fuck I can’t even spell Wednesday!! ..oh..there it is! hehe..

I’m beat already from today! Good thing I’m feeling the HOLY SPIRIT today!!

Vodka is considered a spirit right? 😊

AnyHoot.. I’m just finishing up my hot pocket.. It’s the only thing I’ve eaten today so far. I feel a pain in the center of my stomach so I had to eat. 😕 That’s not good is it? Oh..what.. No? Oh shit.. Gonna die? Oh ok!! 😉

How’s everyone else doing on this faburiciouse Wednesday? 👲

I’ll put on a smile today, just so others won’t cringe at my pain.

And when I’m asked I smile what for, I’ll be ironic, but say no more,

And when alone of moments rest, darkness creeps into my chest,

And the eyes that stare of hate, will be standing by the pearly gate.

To the world, But what am I?

But a lowly, Insignificant child.

My opinion, is none of matter,

Adults..they do it better…

A child,

I be no more,

Of that you made sure.

With your slashing , words that cut,

With your hand, much too rough,

Innoncence stolen long ago,

Innoncence that’s longed for so.

A child,

I be no more,

Of that you made sure.

Driven to the edge,  and back,

So easy to surrender to black,

You the shadow that befalls,

The darkness creeping, as he calls.

A child,

I be no more,

Of that you made sure.

To those that say “You should win,”

But have you felt the words that tear my skin?

Felt the stabbing of a thorn,

Felt the meaning of forlorn.

A child,

I […]

I’ll put on a smile today just so others won’t cringe at my pain. I guess that’s life.

Hi Everyone,
I posted for the first time in this forum yesterday.

Today I almost made a decision to go to university of edinburgh for my masters, but then I changed my mind again. I spoke to my dad he said he does not want to pay for my masters anymore as I cant make up my mind and I am only doing it to avoid working.

Anyways Just took my anti depressant. Going to drink some alcohol and continue writing my good bye notes. I think I am getting most of the things down. Is it weird to proof read your s note?

Anyways I did absolutely […]

I’ve always enjoyed travelling, especially travelling on long distance buses or trains,  just watching the scenes outside the window flew by, there is a sense of calmness to it by being still on this side of the window, and a feeling of safety.  whatever happens outside  the window is just a passing scene,  the beautiful, the dirty, the boring, the spectacular……..just passing away, passing away at a fast speed.  nothing mattered.   the dreary part is arriving, especially at strange big cities, now must get on my feet and get out and be involved with the scenery, it’s scary, uncomfortable, lonely…….how nice would it be […]

I started thinking about the fact that I’m different. By that, I mean that I don’t have any friends at all, and I’m always alone. I’m antisocial because I never had any social skills, not even when I a kid, my mom literally needed to push me out of the house so I could go out and make friends. Making friends was always the hardest thing to do because I was affraid of people and I was affraid they wouldn’t like me. I don’t like people at all – I always have that one tought that everyone is stupid and boring. I also have a […]

When something goes wrong that you’re involved with, people blame you. You might have nothing to do with it, they might jump to conclusions based on whispers and stunted truths they’ve heard about you, or may have done something so minimal that in any other coneivable situation, no one would really give a fuck. But, you’re the one allegedly caught red handed, or the master of of everyone’s misfortune. As to whether you did tople the first domino or not, you carry the guilt and shame of always being the fuckup. It’s you who questions why you’re so useless or why you cant anything right. […]