My daughter’s father before he committed suicide.I was three months pregnant. This was while we were still happy.

This is Annabelle, our daughter. She was born 3 months after her father committed suicide. She […]

I’m 24 but i feel like i’m 16.  This sumer has been the longest one ever I feel like I’m hiding from all my friends so that i don’t have to answer the question what are you doing right now? Whats next? Hows school?

What am I doing right now?! I”m trying not to fall off the edge every day feels the same and I’m wondering why am I still here why didn’t I die?  I see news reports every day about innocent people being killed and i wonder why are they gone but i’m still here?  Why couldn’t it work?  Why am I so useless […]

How aware are you of your own intelligence, creativity, potentials, etc?
Do you think that you try too hard to be clever, or smart?
Do you take yourself “seriously”, maybe too seriously? Or not at all?
Does it not dawn on you at all? Do you not care?
How aware are you of your own stubbornness and it’s hold on you, or lack there of?
And if none of this relates with you.. Are you aware of anything? Just name anything you are conscious about.

Me: I’ve been aware of my own potentials and intelligence, to the point where I tried way too hard to develop […]

I go to my bed room and close the door
I ran to my bed and lay down to cry
memories starts to appear
Times that no longer will be realived
And they begin to torture me
making me go insaine
I start to cry harder and harder
Hoping to die and to stop existing in this world
Trying to do something impossible
trying to forget
but the only answer to that is death

I know it’s a naive question, but I want to leave this planet soon and was thinking about either making my own exit bag or look to buy one online if they even sell them online. What are the steps to making your own exit bag with ********? And how can I get the ********? Should it be high purity ******** or just pure ********? I tried looking up these questions myself online but all I kept running across were a bunch of ignorant anti-assisted suicide websites. Thank you for reading and hope to hear from someone soon. 🙂

I wasn’t supposed to come home. My deadline is approaching and I have no opportunities left. I didn’t want to reach the age 16 but my birthday is less than two weeks away. And then school starts. And then as stupid as it sounds, I won’t have time to be suicidal. FUCK.

Story time:
I just returned from a family trip in Europe. We visited a bunch of cities and I thought maybe one would have a building I could throw myself off of. No such luck. I had only one chance but I couldn’t do it. I was in the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, […]

For about a year now I’ve yearned for suicide and I’ve dealt with my mental insanity, by myself.

But now I’ve met someone with my same problems! We talk about suicide like its not a bad thing, we talk about our hallucinations like everyone has them, we talk about our anorexia like our parents would be proud, and we talk about running away from home like it’s a normal thing to do.

Sometimes I can’t help but feel like she’s bringing me farther off the cliff, other times I think I couldn’t live life without her. She’s convinced me to set a date for us to run […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OznoFgboDHY

I am a failure in all ways that matter to me i cant stay away from drugs and they no longer even numb my pain the one i love with all my heart is to afraid what it would mean to love me to be gay even tho he has said if he was he would marry me and has considered it…..he claims he cares and that i am a good man but he was raised to hate gays even tho he does not hate me??? yet his ex he hates and is always fighting with but uses for a booty call will spend a […]

Anybody that has been with CAMHS (Children Adolescence Mental Health Service) comment and tell me what your experience was like with them; mine was okay but there were aspects of CAMHS which i wasn’t impressed with and some factors that led me to get progressively worse!

Everything I do fails. Everything. Something really good will happen to me, and then I basically get slapped across the face. I feel like nothing is worth effort anymore because something inevitably goes wrong for me.

I feel like there is no meaning for anything in my life anymore. I feel like I’m just in the universe to be taken advantage of. The people I care about don’t care about me. And when I try, people don’t see it.

I’ve noticed people only want to be around me if I’m giving. If I’m selfless. If I ever do something for myself or want something for myself I […]

It has been almost a year…

Since I lost the man I love.

Since he gave up.

Since my daughter lost the father she never got a chance to meet.

 Since he shot himself.

I was six months pregnant with his only child.

She is perfect.

She looks just like him.

But he won’t ever know that.

He is gone.

He has been gone for nine months and twenty-nine days.

It feels like it has been centuries.

I watch the one video clip I have of him just so I don’t forget his voice.

6

This is becoming a pattern, and not a good one.  These 1am wake-ups are going to cause alot of issues with the students come back to class next week.  I had my appointment tonight and have to go back again next week.  Over the years, the time between sessions has varied from once a month, to years without, to two or three times a week (that was a REALLY bad time).   To some extent, I can gauge my my mental ‘health’ and level of denial by the frequency/infrequency of appointments.

It was a rough day on Monday.  Sitting through endless hours of being talked at […]

I hate not knowing what happens after death. Will I be happy if I do leave? or will it just be the same hell as before? Having depression has really affected my life for the past 3-4 years now. I’ve beaten myself up constantly of not being able to be good enough, but really what can i do? Nothing. I have to sit here and suffer each day of feeling insecure and spiteful of everything around me.

I swear I would kill myself just to make my stomach stop hurting, but I just can’t give my stomach that kind of satisfaction!!! I have an intestinal disease (celiac) that I’ve been battling all my life but its been hospitalizing me for about 10 years now. And god forbid if I tell a doctor that I’m tired dealing with this shit then there ready to have me mentally evaluated. One of these days Alice, right to the fucking moon!!!!!

It’s this weird mixed emotion complex I get when I think about depression/suicide. In one respect it’s a relief because I’m allowing myself to feel the things I’ve really been feeling. But at the same time it’s terribly unnerving and ends up not being a relief at all. It makes me more depressed and think, “how the hell did I get here….”. It’s like your brain is a trajectory and you either get on a positive path or a negative spiral and obviously we’ve all screwed ourselves with a negative spiral. But when people tell you to go on, it’s like would you want to […]

Has anyone else noticed the ‘scheduled’ posts written by ‘enditall’…one is set for 1 year and the other is set for 10 years. have the owners of the site read the posts? Do they intervene and try and help?

I’ve just read his older posts…..doesn’t look like a good outcome ;-( I hope he rests in peace

so ive been battling depression a lot recently… which has caused me to lose most of my social circle… it has also recently caused me to begin abusing alcohol, which led to me losing a job that was much better than my minwage job I had before.

Ive done therapy, pills, lifted, I have a college degree…. but nothing brings me out of this slump.

well this last weekend I decided I was done, I went out, maxed out my credit cards buying a gun, alcohol, drugs, and then blew the rest at a casino and strip club, I decided I was done.

I actually had an amazing […]

I’ve been depressed for the past three years. It’s changed me on the inside, and you could almost say that I’ve developed, maybe grown for three years. But it’s odd, and I feel like as if most of my depression is from myself. This post is basically a boring recollection on how my depression has progressed, but hey I feel like posting here. I appreciated this website the moment I set eyes on it. I just don’t know how to sort myself out, and there are a lot of things that are difficult to express with words. I’m starting to get anxiety attacks because of […]

just venting again.. anyways.. so I just recently broke up w my gf.. it wasn’t that long of a relationship.. but it was love, and something i haven’t felt in like.. more than 5 years..

of course i fucked it up.. cuz i went all psycho on her like i did all of my ex gf’s who of course dumped me because of the same reason.. so here I am.. always caught up in my negativity.. and because of it I haven’t even finished school yet..

I look at all my other friends and my sister’s boyfriend.. they’ve got jobs, friends, and gf’s.. i can barely […]