Well.How do I start?… Ummm . okay here it goes.Its been almost 4 months that he is gone.I loved him so much and so did he. Yes, my GUY. He died b’cuz of some heart problem. 🙁 . Im 14 years old and life seems like its going to get over.We were in a relationship for 4 years on the whole. He is everything for me.But now I miss him. And I feel like dying . It hurts to know that he is no more, i wanna go away with him.And before he died we fought the other day. He asked me whether I could […]
Have you ever reached a point of sadness where you just . . . Stop? You stop thinking because there’s just so many bad thoughts. Any thought you do have is incoherent; merely a few words in a jumble that you can’t put in any sensible order. Nothing seems right. The words mean nothing to you anyway. For these three days or so, you shut down. You are clockwork. It’s almost like nothing matters anymore. You can do anything you like, there are no rules; no restrictions. You walk around following your daily pattern, knowing what you need to do but not thinking about any […]
FUCKED FOR CASH
V1-
Cum splattered face
Wash away the taste
Fake a slutty smile
And bend over now
Give yourself up
For a couple bucks
For your next fix
From your fucking pimp
V2-
Caught in a web
Where everyone is dead
But walking, fucking
Making money
Take it in the ass
Oh so bloody
Pitiful waste
Prostitution
Chorus-
How did we
End up here?
Hooked on coke
And fucking queers
Make more money
Giving head
In an alley
Mostly dead
V3-
Did you ask for this?
Heroin cysts
Black eyes from guys
You fucked last night
One too much
Raped and fucked
Left alone
You have no […]
I believe life is all shit. whats the fucking point? i lie to everyone about my true thoughts and feelings. Its just one long dragged out battle within. I am the biggest hypocrite. I don’t want to live this. I truly just want to die.
So, I had another session with my therapist the other day and she’s sending me off to be tested. We did a graph thing while talking, and she said, based off the graph, I’m one of those uncommon people who aren’t like everyone else. Just because I told her the main reason why I can’t sleep, besides the fact that my body decides it’s not to be tired until early hours in the morning. So, because I hear and see things that aren’t really there, I’m ‘special’. I’ve already got my appointment for the hospital which my psychiatrist sent out to get my brain or something tested. […]
She wonders if anyone else could smell that. The rust and dirt on the brick path beneath her feet, the damp smell of the lake at the end of the trail. Could anyone else hear the soft patter of her cats paws following her as a baby from a distant home stirs and is about to wake. Finally, she veers off the path into the moonlit grassy area closest to the waters edge. An unknown creature moves in the water. She holds her left arm with her right as crimson lava exudes out of cuts drawn on her forearm. A breeze comes off of the […]
i fantasized about dying for a good 2 years. it was my source of comfort.
i dont need my cipralex anymore, so i’m taking myself off it. a week in and those familiar suicidal feelings are back.
i know it’s just the withdrawal doing this to me, but it all feels so… familiar. and real. surreal. i wanna go partake in my new life, but  i’m having momentary thoughts of throwing myself off a building. i know it’s all biological. just gotta let it pass. it’s just made very uncomfortable by the fact that my left arm is in a cast for another few weeks, […]
Why does everybody tell me they’re sorry, sorry for what!? I’m pretty sure it’s not your fault I’m fucked in the head beyond repair. I feel like i have to scream at them “don’t tell me you’re sorry, cause i know, o i know, you’re not” it’s bullshit people should just fuck off i don’t even know what people are saying to me anymore, ugh everything’ll be fine when the meds come i’ll finally be able to od 🙂
Literally. I’m laying in my closet, on top of who-knows-what, sandwiched between two blankets above and below me, between my bed and a shelf. I wonder how long it’ll take for my mom to realize I’m here. She thinks I’m going out with my boyfriend tomorrow, but I cancelled on him, so who knows?
I’m here because it’s going to be hard to get up, whenever I choose to do so, so I don’t cut…. it’d take too much effort. I don’t want to live right now. I don’t feel anything…good… it’s like I spontaneously fell out of love in only a few minutes. He ordered […]
How stupid of me
To really believe
All that he said
Was the reality
I gave it my all
He let me fall
I hit the ground
And he stood there tall
The same old rhyme
Still rings in my mind
As I make one more slit
And wait for my time
But I cannot wait
For I have no place
I might call for help
But it will be to late
I cry myself to sleep
I can’t even eat
And the end of my battle
Will be when myself i defeat
I lay prompt on my bed
Put the gun to my head
I happily pull […]
Strength. Courage. Love. Happiness.
I thought I was strong, but these past few days have shown me otherwise. I’ve slowly been changing each and every day…and not for the better.
A few years ago, I used to be suicidal. I would only wake up in the mornings to think about death, cutting, and hatred. I hated the world around me and it hated me back. I had accepted that. I got no support from friends or family surrounding me so I had learned to depend on only myself. It took a few years, but I was able to get past all this. I had finally believed that I […]
I want to but i can’t. What’s wrong with me? I feel like i want to die.
” what you going to do with your life ” shut up its my life like you said mom so there for I do what I want, when I want & how I want it. How dare you try to take away the things you didn’t help me get, take the dignity, the accomplishments etc you didn’t help me with shit & father whose that I fucking hate seeing your face every day. Ya both make me sick and feel like shit so I hope the pain you cause me eats you alive and leaves you there like a helpless child like how I did […]
Here is the horrible design flaw in all living things, we have more than enough pain receptors but no off switch! Life wouldn’t be scary if we did have a switch, if we were suffering and there was no way out, simply we would flip our switch and die. Sort of like the scene in A.I. the “flesh fair”. I think there is a part where one of the androids says “please turn off my pain receptors” before he is tortured.  It is not being able to turn ourselves off that makes life so horrific.
Is it weird that I cut myself with a guitar pick rather than a knife or razor? A guitar pick isn’t sharp at all but I can still manage to dig it into my skin just enough to make it bleed. The mark that’s left behind heals really quickly and is practically gone within 6 hours or so. I like doing this so I can cut myself at school and the mark will be gone by the time I get home so my parents don’t find out… I miss using knives and razors but I’m getting kind of use to this alternative.
I am so very alone. I mean this in the way not one  single person i know would be like your the person i need to talk too and hang out with right now. I dont have that person i dont mean like boy/girl friend thing. I mean that person in your life that gets you. I hate this feeling, i always feel out of place and just wrong ike i been in the wrong for noting and everything. I wish i had someone to talk to not about serious stuff just to laugh giggle maybe cry with one person i could feel that wasnt […]
It’s always the same.
The feelings of being lost, worthless; having no purpose in whatever life I’m trying to create. Trying to feel alive again. Begging to feel happy even just content. Why must everything feel so cold and dark? When did my view become like this?
My skin holds my confusion, pain and frustration. Every notch on it reminds me of the lost soul I am. Yet it makes me feel like I can be found. Is that even possible? So many question but they cannot be answered.
I need a release, to feel like I am here; that I have emotions. My smiles never hold true, […]
Shift yourself from this grave..side to side ..consider yourself for the first time in a millennia. Look up to the sky..consider you’ll live again.
Drifting up from your sleep..in a haze to what the world has become. Shake a breath for the wind..show no fear for the light…and slowly breath in.. Exhale!
Search for strength, beneath your bleeding heart. Behind the crimson lines you’ve drawn tighter still. Reset trap door thoughts of letting the world collide with the emptiness inside. Hold on..dare to hold on..hold on tight to life even when the lines break from their binds.
Hold onto your hope so tight. Dampen the screams […]
Being turned down is a very weird and new feeling for me and I don’t like it.