Only I stand in the way of a glorious reunification of the Korean Peninsula. My actions have been evil, but I am now prepared for my execution.

Please send instructions for my surrender and extradition to: changeling7110 [at] gmail [dot] com

For a while now (for as long as I can remember; 2-4 weeks.), I’ve been okay with the fact of dying. Being in the hospital a couple weeks back, I was on blood thinners and I started to bleed. Badly. Like “oh my god, I need a doctor in here!” and they needed to clean my sheets immediately. I bet they always clean sheets immediately, but I’m still saying. And most of the time I felt the liquid drip down onto my chest (my arm was on my chest when it started to bleed), I didn’t moan to my mom to get a nurse. […]

Tired of feeling frustrated.. I’m sooo over it.. Tired of fighting with these stupid ass bitches at school. Gahh! I don’t care anymore!!

I suppose i just want to get my thoughts down on a visible medium. For as long as i can remember,  i’ve always preferred to never exist. Im 21 right now and i dont see an endgame in life that i could possibly enjoy. I simply dont want to exist. I want all traces of my life to be gone an erased from all records and notice. I have family that cares for me, this being the only thing preventing action. So now i guess the only thing to do in life for me is to continue doing absurd crazy things and take great risks […]

If this is what it takes

to show that I’m hurting

then let me die.

If this is what it takes

to show that I want you,

love you,

care for you,

then let me down.

It wouldn’t be the first time you let me down.

When I held the bottle of death,

you yelled, never wept.

Took your sweet time and left.

Gave excuses and never took the blame.

Never accepted being wrong, still it’s the same.

When I needed you,

you never came.

It’s always going to be the same.

So I’ll light another cigarette,

so the smoke will take the scream.

I’ll take the weed if it promises to take the pain,

the regret,

the memories.

Just forget,

they tried to say “You’ll get over […]

wow, what i crazy past few weeks.

lets see, um i week ago, after not being able to talk to my bf for over a week, he actually messaged me back saying that it wasnt going to work out.. that he only asked me out on spur of the moment feelings and that he did care about me… what a load of crap. I actually did cut some more, and i do regret them this time. For once, i actually found someone that i wanted to be with and he dumped me. I feel like absolute shit.

Anyway my 16th birthday is in 25 days and my […]

Youtube song:
Click here -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS8sqgBgzG8&feature=endscreen&NR=1

Get Well by Icon For Hire http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS8sqgBgzG8&feature=endscreen&NR=1

It’s got a good sound, please listen!

“Get Well”

We throw tantrums like parties
We’re not happy ’til everyone knows we’re sick
And that’s just how we like it
We’ve hurt bad enough, right, we’ve earned itDon’t tell the others but it’s all getting old I mean how many more times must our stories be told?
And being lonely’s only fun in a group It sort of loses it’s charm when it’s true

I meant it when I said I wanna get well, I wanna get well
Are the rest of you so content
Stay […]

My best friend wrote this, while we were bullshitting, smoking a cig.

All she is,

is a midnight cigarette;

slowly burning,

like a heart attack.

Burning out,

on the flesh of her wrist,

leaving marks,

never to be kissed.

Her midnight smoke is burning,

and she choke.

Up the memories of somone long forgotton,

someone lost in her own thoughts.

so yeah, this is a little poem i wrote, it isn’t very good :L but it means allot.

I watched her from the corner of my eye,
I could see all the blood on her thighs.
Her eyes were red and raw with tears,
she seemed brave but had hidden fears.

Why couldn’t I see the tell tale signs,
I had been there before, life made from lies.
It leaves me curious and in pain,
Why did she do this to herself, her souls been slain.

I saw her jump out in front of that train,
I can’t bare it I wish I felt her pain.
How could […]

I was thinking back about when I started to self-harm. It’s not really clear to me, but I think it’s a long time ago. I’m now 17 and I can remember that at an age of 10 I was already self-mutilating. Things like bang my head against the wall when I was not feeling well and hurting myself by means of abusing to myself, provoking quarrels and so on. Maybe I started earlier, but at an age of ten I can remember it very well. Therefor I can remember I was nail biting, but not other things that can be specify as self-mutilating behavior. The […]

“We’re all lying to the mirror, lying to ourselves.”

Please read it. It´s mabye the least thing I´ll let this world. (Sorry for the bad english , brazilian here  the çletter was originaly in portuguese , and as I dont have the patinecie to re-wtrite it , it google traducted it.)

Well, my family if you are reading this now, I already am no longer among you. I know, strange, even more for you than ever realized how I was feeling alone, abandonada.Não for you, and of course, my choice was to abandon them, especially my mother, for staying with you and pretend to be this family happy while you secretly let out their venom […]

I want to die. I’m so sure.

Wow, Hey guys. Haven’t been on here for a very long time. I want to be able to say that I have gotten better, I want to be able to say that I’m happy. But the truth is I just don’t really know how to be happy anymore.

Anxiety and stress are controlling my life at the moment, No matter how hard I try I usually end up giving in to it and cry. I would be completely lost without my boyfriend, the five hour time difference doesn’t even bother me just so long as I have him on skype. I still feel comforted even when […]

taking a break from household drudgery to write something. got a nice buzz going, listening to some old Offspring. hadn’t listened to it for awhile. if you are familiar with the Ixnay cd you know “amazed”. that song seems to sum up my current thinking. the next song “save the world” reflects my worldview perfectly right now. just some insight into me. subject to change, of course.

She paints a beautifull picture
but her storie had a twist
her paint brush was her razor
and her cannavas , her wrist

She screems for help
but there is no one there
just a shinny metal
RAZOR BLADE!

She cuts and she feels alive
she crys
the pain is the only thin that keep her
in life

She can´t take anymore
she is going to be mad
survive is not an option
since she is already DEAD!

Inside….Inside…Inside
Inside…INSIDE , INSIDE , INSIDE INSIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

She is losing her life
And the last thing she sees
is her bloody knife besides her
she is finaly free

They found her
But is […]

Hi people out there.

I read some of your stories – and I do find some of them similar to mine. I’m so weak sometimes, so sensitive and lazy to cope with real life. With that awful life out in the big world, all it’s demands, all that efforts we have to make to indulge it and what it wants from us really isn’t little.

Life wants from us to be normal. To be like anyone else. But sometimes, we just can’t.  Know why? Because we are all so different. Any of us. Any of the other people too who pretend to be normal… All that people we’ve […]

You must have wuestionned it once. Or twice. It´s a lame  question, I admit it. (Sorry for my bad english , Brazilian here.) But it´s really how life goes to me right now. I once had friends. But now they are just faces. They still think I´m ok… But I guess I´ll never be anymore. I don´t think there is a place where I can acctualy be heard. I´m alone here , as usual , and triyng to forget all the stupid things I´ve done. I mean , there isn´t no one to blame right? I´m just the only one. Many kids don´t have any […]

and tomorw never came
my life warpt in pane
no one to love
no one ever came
no one cared
and fals promisis were made
do we even know
why it ranes or snows
people are just pisst with me
no one fucking cares for me
tonight im going to think of tey
to show that at lest i care for you
ill still be here for you
even now im dead
for i have lost it all
so ill gve it all to you
i care if you dont
i love if you whont
i WILL SACRFICE IF YOU ARE AFRADE
i […]

I just can’t quite do it. I’m so, so close. I’ve got everything ready, prepared in a bag. I just have to go to a hotel and do it. It’s completely safe for everyone else, just a peaceful death. But I can’t get over that final hurdle. God this is so hard. Living is hell but dying is still so difficult, or rather, killing myself is still so hard to do.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for. Just some kind of help to get me over this last obstacle and not suffer anymore.