I am such a loser. I have no friends, I haven’t talked to someone that was not in my family for almost a year. I am home schooled online so I never have to leave the house. I am 2 years behind in school. I don’t ever do any schoolwork. It feels like I am dead, I do nothing all day. I don’t feel like doing anything at all except sleep, or read. My mom wants me to call the teachers or do work, but everything seems pointless. I am a stupid mass of cells, there is nothing good about me at all. A piece […]
In the last week or two, I have been taken to the hospital for breaking down in class and revealing my suicide plan to the guidance councillor. I could say that I was surprised, but I wasn’t. The moment I said, “the fact of the matter is that I am suicidal,” I knew I was screwed. So, my parents were notified and I was shown the doors of the ER. However, I was able to avoid admittance, if only barely, by bravely lying my way out. On the exact same day I planned to kill myself, I smiled, laughed, and maintained my composure. So it’s only […]
I had a long day. It wasn’t horrible, just more of the same… waking up feeling horrible (a little extra bad today), dreading going to work… having to face negativity,  making mistakes, and feelings of  incompetence.  Biting my tongue. Trying to find a balance between politeness, diplomacy, and getting my needs met.
I was very late, under prepared, stressed, and embarrassed. No one else seemed to care too much… aside from the usual curiosity and confusion over my poor attitude. I hate looking inept but I am. I am sick, tired, fighting with my head every day… I am so tired. Went to class after work. I couldn’t focus. […]
So I’m spending this weekend with some friends, and I’m afraid that they will somehow notice the cuts in my arm.. They are not too big, but I don’t think that if I said it was a scratch they would believe it..
I will be very careful not to have my arms uncovered. But if somehow one of them notices..
What do I say? Is there any excuse that works?
I’m kinda freaking out about this.. I don’t want them to know.
Please help. Any suggestion is welcome.
the flowers are red ,blue, green , and yellow, they sway to and fro in the wind as they spin in the field the flowers bloom and die , new flowers arise in the end the dead flowers settle in a place with the other dead flowers and the land where they settle is known as the flowers in the field
be straight up I suppose…. My names Serena , I’m in 7th grade at Bemidji Middle School , I have a smile on my face most of the time(= , but everybody knows im ‘depressed’ , because …. I cut myself , a lot… my legs , my arms , my wrists , my stomach…. It make’s me feel better. I don’t know what else to do! , I ALWAYS get called a ; HOE , WHORE , **** , ***** , FAT , UGLY , WORTHLESS , ATTENTION WHORE , DUMB , BOYFRIEND STEALER , etc.. It sucks , a lot , I don’t […]
People always say: “Yeah, you have to go in therapy, search for help. Than it will get better.”
Right. But what if I don’t want to be helped?? What if I just want to take care of myself, that nobody could help me. What if I don’t believe therapy works, because I’m so many times betrayed through people. Because I’m so many times disappointed by therapists and other people.
What if I just don’t want to live anymore?? What if I feel like it’s the only option to get better. That it’s the only way out.
What if I just don’t want to get better?? […]
So, Emily isn’t my friend anymore. I just ignored her all day, wouldn’t talk to her at all, and in 4th period, she gave me a note saying that she wouldn’t bother me anymore. As happy as this makes me, most of my thoughts are drifting toward something. See, I wore some makeup and jewelry and stuff today (I don’t usually do that). The weird thing is that Trevor stared at me every time I saw him. The reason that it makes me think is because he used to do that all the time. Everyday. It was so wonderful. Regardless of what I was wearing. […]
If im honest death scares me and freaks me out when it comes to not being a physical being anymore and the process you have to go through to be dead. But its the only option left for me i feel so miserable that people dont want to be near me, people dont even care or aknowledge my exsitance when i was happy let alone now. No one cares and im all alone with this miserable empty feeling and all i do is cry. My mum just says its my “weird phase” and totaly doesnt it which is ironic considering shes mentaly ill too…
Death seems […]
So i ve dcided that i would neva fall in love again.WHY?.
Cus i ve got ds long dstant girl friend that loves me so much,but i cant continue paying the exorbitant phone bill that the relationship demands,.we had this phone relationshp for a year then she paid me a visit..i ddnt have my own apartment so i had to use my friends own..WAS SHE EVERYTHING YOU IMAGINED?
yes she was.and even more.she loved me for who i am and never pretended about anything.though we didnt have sex during the period she was around.boy! she changed everything about me.she bought me so many things i […]
I can’t stand my day to day life. All the people that say they care about me an ex that constantly tell me i never gave a fuck about her when I still do. I’m tired of hearing I’m stupid for my cuts and the nerve damage in my knuckles. I’m tired of acting happy only to come home and scream till my voice is sore. I’m tired of feeling like a failure every time I see my ex with another guy, every time i see how weak I am, and every time someone looks at me like bro I want to help when they […]
I am tired of waking up everyday and not having anyone there to care about me. None of my “friends” care, my family doesn’t care, I don’t even think my dog cares. I get up, cry, go to school, avoid people, cry, go home, cry, and fall asleep crying. I am all alone. No one cares that I’ve cried myself to sleep for the past year. No one cares that I have scars running up and down my arm. No one even notices the fresh, bleeding cuts on my arm. I just want to die, but am too chickenshit to do it. I just wish […]
i was talking to a friend… for some weird reason comparing any situations to other situations that brought pain no matter the lentgh of the pain is not good at all. well i never talked about suicide to her and she is frightened because her nephiew attempted it and didnt succeed, so she came tell me that and that people have it harder than me. it sounded to me like “what are you crying about girl?” luckily she didnt see my face, we were typing…
really people what am i crying about? a life that doesnt make sense, PTSD from abuse, the loss of a […]
I guess everything’s my fault. I know my dad wants to do his best to make sure that the imminent end of our family is as much of my fault as he can make it be. I want to run away. I want to run away from it all. All my problems. I can’t fix them so what could I do but run away? But where? I have nowhere to go, nowhere where I could stay or where I could be anywhere near happy. I’d probably end up on the streets, and what then? I’d probably end up killing myself shortly after. So, wait for […]
I wake up in the morning, everyday at around 5:00. A glimmer of hope is buzzing in my eyes, hope for a better day, not only in school, but also with my parents. At 7:30 I enter the halls of doom. Now theres this thing, when a person is bullied they always remember it no matter how severe it was. I was always bullied psychologically and physically. Fat, Brown Indian and ugly were a few things I used to be called. Luckily for me, as I grew older it gradually reduced. But the funny thing is, it stuck in my head and no one seems […]
Well, I was wondering who of you guys is ever been bullied. So if you please would answer the following questions, thank you.
The questions:
1). Have you ever been bullied or been a bully, or both?
2). For how long have you been bullied?
3). What kind of bullying was it? (think about physical, emotional, abusing you or calling you names, follow you, ignore you, and so on)
4). What was the worst thing that ever happened when you were bullied?
Feel free to say anything else you want or to answer not all the questions.
My answers to the questions:
1). I’ve been bullied, […]
I am in my 30`s, just finishing a 2 year sentence, currently on full parole. Just before Christmas my wife handed me separation papers and asked me to leave. I had a feeling she would leave and I don`t blame her, she needs more than I can give. I feel that I have made amends for the wrongs I have done and have put to rest that rock bottom period of my life. Only to find my self slipping into a different rock bottom.
I have a decent job, bought a home and a car… none of it means anything. I go home and stare, […]
Pre-Amble:
I’ve started over a year ago to try to get to know myself. I set off with the goal of becoming self-aware. Not the self-aware you are thinking, because you’re probably thinking that you’re self aware. Well you’re not. The human ego is a terrifying thing that makes you believe you’re self-aware. You think you know yourself. But what you know is the ‘personality’ you’ve developed over your entire lifetime that you present to/project onto others. The one that is moulded and shaped by the unconscious coping mechanisms you develop when you confront difficulty, challenges, adversity.
The goal I am trying to reach is to be […]
The thing is, my name actually isn’t lynne. It’s a mask I wear, like something out of a drama or a play. I’m not Lynne, but I like her better than me. She’s more fun, more everything. She’s the one who wrestles in the hallway with her friends like she doesn’t even care. She’s the one who says it’s awesome or “yeah, let’s do this” She’s the one everbody else wants me to be. She’s the one I want to be. But I’m NOT her. I’m just me. But sometimes, that doesn’t feel like it’s enough. It’s so hard, pretending to be her. So how […]
We’re all here because our lives have been basically meaningless, and most of us probably wish we weren’t here.
I’ll tell you what’s holding me back…as pointless as my life has been, if I just crawl into a corner and off myself then my death will be even MORE pointless. Aint that a *****?
I keep thinking there’s got to be some way to make it count…to go out with a purpose. A human life is worth something after all, right? It’s worth SOMETHING. So how do we check-out and get our money’s worth? How do we make it count for something? Does anyone have any ideas?
I’m […]