My friends have a habit of making plans without me.

So Im kind of tired of talking to girls and then them saying how much they like me and stuff and then them saying well Im talking to someone else. Im a girl, I like girls. I wish I was straight though because all these girls don’t know what they want or get jealous of my best friend who is a gay guy. It’s just aggravating, I guess. Am I doing something wrong?

i now have a girlfriend and yes she’s great. i think we started things too fast though, i don’t feel she knows enough about me to actually love me, although that’s kinda how i’d rather keep it. i mean, if she knew everything about me i know she wouldn’t ever want me the way she wants me now.

she has tried to make me promise i’ll stop hurting myself, i’ll start eating, i’ll smile more, and i promised her i’d try. but to be honest i think i’m addicted to this life. i’m comfortable with the feelings of self hatred and loathing, no matter how bad i’d like […]

If you’re serious about it, and it’s pure and not some bullshit reason then I think it makes you a better person. It’s all wrong inside my head, but if that is the case I think it’s because that I’m all wrong because the world isn’t right.And suicide is the ultimate way of saying I can’t exist here because I can’t say that I’m okay with this being the world we live in. And in my heart of hearts, I really can’t think of a better reason to choose this path. Given I’ve had this darkness since I was about 14, you could say I’ve […]

Kesha-tik tok

Wake up in the morning

Feel’in Totally Shitty

got my Glock, I’m out the door

I’m not gonna make it pretty.

But before I leave, I’ll act all sweet and leave letters of hate

Cause when I leave for the night–I ain’t coming back!

For almost a year i’ve been suffering from OCD. I’m depressed, numb and sometimes just thinking about ending it.

The only thing that have kept me from ending it was this one girl in my class that i recently learnt to talk to… We talked about random subjects together and just had a good time. Whenever i was feeling down, she talked to me and made me happy. Every time I would talk to her, my bath’s (normally about 45 minutes) would decrease to about 30 minutes. She’s the only thing that keeps me going. She makes me want to fight, to become normal. Our relationship […]

I love you.

Gay or straight.

Woman or man.

Black or white or blue.

I love you. 

And don’t you ever forget that.

You guys would be happy to know that after a joking and laughing talk with my family about suicide, they found out today what I eventually want to do! Well, now a certain person won’t allow me anywhere near his guns, even if it means not letting me stay at his house for any length of time till I’m over wanting to die over this current situation, and my horrible grandparents. And nobody will get me a rope or help me make a make-shift gallows. Most other methods are hard so I’m not interested at this stage. A plastic bag would be easy enough if […]

I came back from the dead
I have so many scars embedded in my skin
Remind me of days gone by
Remind me of the years that have passed
I stood my ground to come out better off
I take it in, every breath, it could be the fucking last

I come from a town that will always be home
So many memories that will die with me

Try and cut me down to my knees
I will stand back up to fight
Try and cut me down to my knees
Nine lives I just won’t die

When the flashbacks start again. When they pull and tug at Your heart. Tears still slide when these thoughts return even though you just wish they’d disappear. Disapproval from life itself still Taunts you all the time but you’d just wish it would Give up before you do. That’s why it repeats. It wants to let you know it wants you gone. Gone. Gone. Wanting to get better. Wanting to break free but you can’t. Can’t. Can’t. Slowly heading south again and seeing all the beautiful cracks smile goodbye. Allowing yourself to fall. Fall. Fall. All your cares let go. Go. Go. Your life passing […]

One of the worst things in life is the inability to handle fear. It seems all or most of my life’s decisions were made out of fear and with no actual will. On autopilot. Nothing comes from within..cause there’s nothing inside but sadness, regret and tears that are pouring any time they feel like it.

And this damn fear that keeps me going. Fear of pain but not for myself, but for my family and especially my mom. Living for someone else. Suffering only so the other person won’t suffer. I really feel pain but I still care for my family too much. That’s why I’m […]

Okay.. So

A while ago, i felt like my life was too boring… By bf and i had lots of fights (he has serve anger problems), i had to focus on school, i didn’t really do anything with my life…
After a big fight, my bf and i broke up. We didn’t talk about it nether.  I didn’t know what i was going to do..
I became really sick, fainted a lot, and stayed at home a couple of days.
And now, to show how incredibly stupid i am, i’m going to tell you what i did yesterday..
I got drunk, had ”sex” with my bestfried […]

how everyone else gets thru this life like they do is beyond.me. day by day by day by friggen day they make it look so friggen easy theu dont know how ez they have it frick. i try so hard an what do i have to show for it.? a slap in the facr by some 60 year old ***** who thonks she runs the show. u two faced **** fuxk u . u cost me my job and my self eesteeem i hope ur happy. i kbow im not

I resist the urge to slice at my wrist, i try to fight but i’m losing any strength i had left, im thinking bout running away. Gathering a shit ton of money and just leaving, i hate this town.. this place.. everything about it.

My parents yelling at me for everything, never showing any aprecation, i passed all my first semester classe 86+ and they start yelling cause i owe 1.5 hours to the school and im gonna loose all my credits if i dont complete them, not even congradulating me on my grade. Btw i have till febuary 28 to complete them.

My ex is driving me […]

Hi everyone that are still around for the past year. I have delayed ending it all for the last 10 months and used to post a fair amount. I made some friends while posting and hope they are still around.

I cant remember if my screen name back then was Dead-right or Deadright.

Here is an update from what has happened to me since April 2012.

I was evicted from my home of 20 years, since after loosing my job and spending every penny that I had saved, could not pay my rent, bills, food, heating oil and health insurance.  I am on Social Security and my total SS […]

This is going to be extremely long, as I have been holding every bit of this in since forever. I have one friend in my whole life and I really hate to unload on her. I am sure she’s very tired of hearing it. They are not her problems, so why be a burden to her? Anyway, to begin, I am autistic and this makes every aspect of my life wildly difficult and I hate myself. I cannot talk to people, I stutter, I am  very easily, upset and when this happens I literally throw tantrums and revert to some kind of child-like state, I […]

The darkness is tangible,
I can feel it pressing all around me.
It feels like torturous pain,
it’s loneliness and despair,
it’s suffering and despite
it’s physical, i can feel it

I’m alone and yet I’m not
My family is downstairs,
my wife’s in the next room,
yet I’m the only person
in my reality.

I look through a pain of glass
at the world surrounding me.
I see life, I hear life, I sense life
Yet I have none.

It passes me by,
leaves me still and dead
I feel the cold of the grave
I long for that cold
to envelope me

I want no more of […]

Old member from early 2012 and 2011

Hello. I have posted one other time. It was about my family and, if you want , you can read that too. Today, this is about my friends. Despite being a victim at home, I have flourished in my high school years. I have a lot of friends and acquaintances there. About two years ago, I had a severe head injury that my family and friends thought I would never be the same from. What I mean is that I was mentally and physically impaired by this accident and they thought I wouldn’t walk away without my sanity taken. Well, surprisingly (to my doctors, family, and friends) […]

Long story short, i am a 21 yr old lost nigga. Worthless, Raised and grew up Merely-fair .. did not suffer with any other crazy shit in my life. but it seems as if life is always a figurative climax. u bust your ass only to get a 2 second orgasm and even that itself is shit… Today me and my dad surprisingly had some argument, he gets my mom involved and they start talking shit.. i was always a low down depressed suicidal nigga and i always wanted and needed to off myself… i have history with drugs recreationally. but had i knew shit […]