I never thought I could feel this way. Missed connections. That alone was the miraculous thing. How and why did it turn out this way… I will never understand.

disclaimer:  I’m not saying ‘do this and you’ll feel better’, if I know anything, it’s that the road away from suicide is undoubtedly the toughest I have travelled, and I just wanted to share what that felt like, and after it happened it was followed by a new outlook on what my possibilities are.  But nevertheless even while I no longer want to slit every artery I can find, it’s still near impossible to beat the depression, every day.

I just lost it today.  I had been doing so well.

I fell back into my depression probably August and the suicidal thoughts began in October.  I came […]

Y can’t I stop crying. Y can’t I stop hurting. Thoughts of you flood my mind while his touch caresses your body. Always said I’d never feel this way for a girl. But look what you’ve done broken me down. You tell me it’s to build me up. You tell me it’s to make me stronger. But I don’t believe it. I tried I did but I can’t. I only want you. But I never had you. And now he does. You showed me this journey and I knew it’d be hard. But I never expected you’d make me do it alone. Now with no […]

welll. this has been one of the worst weekends ever. and to think that its my bday weekend. everything was awesome starting friday after my mommy picked me up from school. it all went downhill on saturday afternoon after i didnt want to do the dishes and then after that refused to go to my room. just over those 2 stupid reasons i blew up and told my mom that i wanted her to die. it was the third time in 10 days. i really don’t wish that she was dead. maybe i wish i didn’t have her as a mother but since i do, […]

Finally, this shit makes sense to my crustacean mind. What happened yesterday was a new experience; when it happens again today, it’s old, tired, and irritating more than anything else. Each repeated detail, each old, stretched-too-thin moment that echoes with long-past experience just creates a ruckus that stimulates a migraine. It’s hollow cymbals beaten on by angry toddlers, and ain’t no way to make them quit it. You just grit your teeth and bear it. Every single day, what should be new is just a rerun of a past episode, and the humdrum routines seem to have no end.

So fuck it.

Might as well sleep in […]

hi, im 18 and my life is messing up, failing school…losing friends and i donth think ill be able to depend on my self in the future. I have been considering killing myself for a year now and have decided once i fail my school course that i will do it, people that i know are saying that is it because i have aspergers syndrome…im not really sure.

i tried to jump of a bridge but coudnt do it because i have a phobia of water which you cant see under,i think i am going to kill myelf by starvation, i have tested it and it […]

I’m procrastinating really badly on school work right now and I need someone I feel really weird saying this but I don’t want to fail, sorry if I seem like I’m depending on anybody but I’m having horrible anxiety.

I looked down at my thigh today and saw the faint remains of winter break left there. Over break my mental health deteriorated so quickly that I don’t have words to explain what happened. I had been fine, but suddenly all the negative thoughts came back and I was catapulted into my past self. Not only did it become okay to skip meals again, but I threw up whenever I deemed necessary, and even cut myself multiple times. I felt distant and uninterested in everyone and everything. I was constantly sad and saw no hope for anything. I dreamed of dying and finally being free. […]

I try to give them clues.. How come no one hears the screams inside my head? I tell my dad I have lots of bruises but what he doesnt know is my boyfriend hits me. I tell people that see my cuts it was the cat and they move on. Maybe they do hear.. they just dont care enough to do anything.

Back at work today. First day in two weeks. I sit in some secluded part of the office, trying to work, but struggling to focus. The world is grey again, and all I can think about is how much I hate every bit of it.

Little girl, Little girl why are you so sad. Is society so oblivious they do not see, the sadness in your eyes and scars on your thighs.

I have a mother who loves me, supportive friends, a good job, a decent home, my health… Why do I not feel better?

i  chose to make a life with an unsuitable man when I was young. Looking back I was self harming and it was contemptible selfishness  it hurt people. We even have kids who now hate me and I don’t blame them. Not only do they suffer because of me,  I’ve even taken out my own suffering on them.

I was 7 when I first remember thinking of suicide. I was in the school yard thinking how angry I was that my mother cared and […]

Every since kindergarten I have been teased and bullied. It lasted well up into high school graduation. My family never had a lot of money. We werent close and my mom dealt with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder which made it hard as well. I stayed a loner and kept a lot of my feelings to myself besides the school therapist….whom I would see every year since 2nd grade. My step dad was abusive to my mom and my brother and sister didnt care about me. I hardly even remember them being around in the house. When i did make friends they judged me too and […]

Something I have heard many others say which I dont understand fully… “if you wanted it you would have ended your life before coming here” (writing this, telling us how much you want to die etc etc)

Why cant someone ‘want’ something if they havent achieved it yet ? I heard from families and teachers growing up that if I havent got what i want im not trying hard enough but this is just old school thinking. I can want a Uni degree or job promotion but I cant get it right ‘NOW’.. I need to work for it and earn it…

Same kind of think applies […]

i am 27 i live by the ocean in Washington. I live with my boyfriend and our new baby in a house we just bought. my boyfriend is a hopeless junkie, heroin.. it pisses me off i hate it.. i hate it.. i fucking hate heroin.. i have never shot it.. i hate the stench.i hate this fucking town.. i hate rednecks and their shitty backyard parties where they play nickleback and insane clown posse.. i want to leave but we have no money.. i am fucking scared that someone will take my baby… i hate how people glorify heroin.. fuck lou reed..fuck burroughs.. fuck […]

My fiance of 6 years just left me…  Knowing I could never be with anyone else, i started cutting myself on both of my upper thighs… My only escape from all the emotional pain he has put me through…

Everything is become worst since I joined the site and I’ve have released that some of the people here who need desperate help and/or indulging in self harm are also persons who are bullies and they bully persons with the same problem. I once tried to stop them from hurting someone who was suicidal when people bully her but then I would also get bullied.

Some people don’t realize that they are hurting persons just because someone else hurt them and it’s not right and it should be said.
So I’m leaving this site because it’s a waste of time and blood. I cut even […]

I left my apartment a few minutes ago.

I took my dog to the park.

I bought 7 cartons of cigarettes.

I bought a shitton of food.

I don’t think I’ll leave again any time soon….

I’m such a loser and a nobody outside of school I don’t do much but stay in my room surfing the internet or sleeping. I’ve had a lot of anxiety recently which is making it hard to do school work, whenever I see a project I just feel like “what’s the point?” or “I’ll never finish in time” and after having a conversation with some people I feel so negative in fact I feel like nobody cares that I’m posting this right now (no pun intended).  I joined this site in hopes of trying to get better because I don’t really come to people about […]

Mornings are the hardest.

I wake up and all of my thoughts hit me at once.

This is all in my head, right?

My arms and my legs are completely seperated by my will, my want, to move foreward.

Move foreward? Right. Move foreward….. Right??

The room matches my mind, and I used to break this. All of it.

The light is now on. The room is completely lit up. But for some reason, I still can not see. Not even through my lids.

Do I still even want to be? Be here? I don’t want to be here.

What? Why?

With a matter of 7 hours of sleep, I’m numb. Not loved.

Wait… I’m […]