this passing year has been a blur.
I don’t want to sit here and just ***** about my life, but it seems like that’s all I can do for myself. I’ve thought of killing myself during school while in school, I know I have an okay life

I really don’t know why I’m so sad,or depressed numb maybe I feel like the after feeling when you eat Mc.donals and you just feel so lazy and blowded.

I go to therapy one a week, take meds.

I think I have friends, I hate that feel like I’m in a puddle of self pity, maybe I am

I thought I was […]

Hi everyone. So this is my first post here. Ive been reading posts on SP for several years and I just want to let you know that they have saved my life. Im 25, a teacher of English in a third world country. I tried to kill myself when I was 17, right before high school graduation. I managed to survive and keep it a secret. To my family, friends and students, Im a very happy person. I make people laugh a lot. I give them advice. I inspire some of them. And I am grateful for what I have, a loving family, a job […]

(Apologies for the stream of consciousness)

I appreciate it seems silly to start my first post titled day 5, but today is 5 days after I decided that I could make things better by simply deciding that they can be… Let me explain.

I’ve been depressed before, well I was depressed for about 8 years with some real consistency, I attempted suicide that people know about 3 times, only once was really serious… outside of those 3 times I used to take overdoses regularly just to numb things. But that all seemed to end about 5 years ago, or at least I was distracted from it or […]

I can’t go on anymore. I have no hope anymore. I feel too much tension. I feel like im so trapped in a world of sadness and failure. I cant stop crying. Not a day goes by that i dont cry. Not a day goes by that i cant sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night scared, and crying. I look in the mirrior and i see failure. Everyday i look in the mirrior i see myself fading away. I cant hold on anymore i feel it slipping away. So everyday i cut my wrists, burn myself to try and fight the pain […]

Why can’t I cry? No matter how depressed I get, no matter what I see or hear, regardless of the circumstance, I just can’t cry.  Physically I’m fine, but I just cannot bring myself to shed one single tear.  The closest I’ve ever gotten was in my car.  Maybe I’ll just fill up the tank and drive for a few hours.  To “Get away from it all!” as they say.  Perhaps….Perhaps that will make a difference.

Hello SP

Today was day 3 of my new outlook on life. I got up early, had a shower and went to college. I destroyed my lecturer in a game of go. Then I had to do two separate presentations, which thanks to the breathing techniques I learned online went really well. Which is amazing for me, because social anxiety is one of main problems. So presenting to a room with 70 people and knocking it out of the park is like the greatest thing I have done in ages.

I may be  exasperating my success a bit, however I would rather be over joyed than self deprecating. So I […]

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who can see clearly, reality is so clear to me. So many people seem so oblivious, oblivious to their own self. Someone who has a negative impact to another persons life by insulting them for no apparent reason, brining them down to the point of suicidal thoughts or even attempts, refuse to believe they have been a horrible human being, they are in fact a nice person through their own eyes. Another example, killing an animal for meat, well that’s not wrong is it? but yes it is. People strip them from their rights, prison them, kill […]

I accept no conditions
I take what I want
I have no reputation
That I must maintain

You tell me that intellect
Is not a product
Of my instrument
Well, I think you’re full of shit

No feelings of sorrow
No feelings of joy
I’m just a product
Of your ignorance

I’ve been dehumanised
I’ve become part of the black

You don’t understand , I will never be loved the way I need to be . I have a broken heart and it hurts alot I can’t take this pain anymore l can’t be alone i just can’t . It hurts and I want this pain to go away …<|3
The only way is to end this . I can't wait for years . 🙁 just can't .

SO, yesterday i went to school, i am in 7th grade so i am in middle school. At school me and my two friends Reina and Kiana tried the butterfly project, so i have 4 butterflys on my thigh and palm. ANyways after we did that and went to lunch, this big “popular” 8th grader sits on the table me and my friends were sitting at with his friends. And starts making fun of cutters. Me and my friends wouldn`tt stand for  it so we told him off about how disrespectful and hateful that is, then we told how nobody really likes him, cuz it`s […]

I wish I wasn’t here. I wish I could stop breathing. Stop being. No one would notice. I am nothing to anybody. And I’m sick to death of this life. I wish I could get off this rollercoaster called life.

I wonder why so many of us blame ourselves for depression and anxiety.  If you really think about it, the real culprit, the real glaring reason (though it’s hidden in plain sight) is mass society and mass culture.  Sociopathic, consumer-driven, maniacally cruel and relentless, zombie-creating, hive mentality, money/capital-obsessed mass society/culture.  We go through life trying to fill the enormous hole inside of us that mass society creates…for some, it works, although usually not without the use of high doses of anti-depressants and benzos and other drugs like television (mass media and audio-video methamphetamine), sex, food, material objects that we “have” to have (most of it […]

I have suddenly become so incredibly numb and exhausted. I want to scream and cry, but I just can’t. I just want to feel something real, I’m so tired of apathy and exhaustion.
In an attempt to feel something, I just started attacking my thigh with a small blade. I find it quite beautiful, the way to begin with there’s just a dent in the skin, but then it gradually rises before drops of blood begin to surface. My thigh is now covered in short cuts and I like the messy zigzagging. It’s the only way I can think to represent how I feel. I […]

so its been a while since i have last posted here.
i have all my exams this week, but they finish tomorrow, thank god and then im done with this year of school!
in all honesty though, i have gotten worse from the time of my last post.
as previously said, i told some friends and they made me go to the school counsellor who then told my dad, who then had to tell my mother.. then my sisters found out… and i never wanted any of it to happen!
then my mother saw my cuts, she told my dad.
my mother has stopped being […]

Who was the writer (was it Edgar Allen Poe) who wrote about ‘the dark night of the soul’. Last night I wished for even some weed to knock me out. It’s a goddamn torture to lie awake for hours, wishing that I could bring on a heart attack just by will alone.
There is a drug used by South American tribes which users say makes you relive every wrong thing you have ever done or said and feel the pain that the person who you said it to or did it to felt. This supposedly cleanses you.
I don’t need that drug. In my […]

Err, hi… the name Sam…

They said you can share your suicide story here…
Well, I tried before, when I was 16, because I was bullied,
The thing is, I got into famous boarding school and I can’t fit in,
so they ignored me, said bad things, send threatening letter,
and the rest, I don’t want to remember…

It was depressing, but I failed to commit suicide… and then I gave up.

Now I’m a University student, a law student precisely, first sem.
In 4 years I’ll graduate and become a qualified lawyer… I had a loving
family, my classmate were very kind […]

That’s what they call themselves until they can’t be bothered anymore. I used to think that I had three amazing friends who listened to me when I was down, helped me through my most suicidal phase. And now, for awhile, I was better again. Now that I’m back down in that bottomless well, they – one at a time – tell me that they hate me, don’t care for me and find me really annoying. They’ve lied to me for years. “You’ll get through it, we’ll help you.” Yeah, and then drop me out of the sky. Thanks.

Have you ever been upstairs in your room, laying on your bed, about to go to sleep when all of a sudden you start to feel weird. You start to feel extremely paranoud and fearful of something that may or may not be there? Paranoid I mean.. To the point of hearing things. Which makes it worse. And then you have to go downstairs and watch t.v until the paranoia and dear and panic disappears. Does anyone know what this is?
Or has anyone experienced this?

I know this is long but I need to get it out. I am privileged, I have never wanted for anything really. I am a senior in college and it was all paid for. I never had to work and was able to travel a lot. Please don’t judge me for the rest of my story based on this.I know it jumps around but my mind is a bit like that most of the time.

I guess I will start from the beginning. I come from a very successful family, and I am nothing. My sisters are lawyers and bankers, my mother is a very well […]

I feel like ive missed a step on a very steep never ending staircase and unable to stop myself from tumbling down each little step. Going down.. Down.. Down. I see nothing but darkness as each little stair makes it’s own mark on my torn fragile skin.. Warm salty tears kissing my chin goodbye as they splatter on any surface below them. Hoping that I stop soon but both me and the darkness know it isn’t going to happen.. So I’m waiting for my body to become so broken and shattered that my soul has no choice but to leave it. The tears still making […]