Who am I not to listen to the universe?

this is the end for me. goodbye everyone. i hope you all find your happiness. im not cared for so i give up, i came here to find help and a reason to live but all ive been told is im a liar and pathetic, i cant take this bullshit anymore.

goodbye, i love you all and dont forget you are beautiful!

goodbye life </3

I have been withdrawn and antisocial for years. I don’t get along with others well and I think I’ve wasted too many good chances and opportunities, and I don’t even know why I did it.

I’m tired of the world being an emotionally flat, lonely, and dreary place for me. But, I’m not so sure I want to actually die as much as leave this life and reality behind for a much, much better one. I don’t like the thought of death itself…

But, sometimes I don’t know what other choice I have besides taking the chance and seeing whether there is a better place with everything […]

Sigh.

I haven’t been on here for a year and a half, there is ahuge part of me that says live on. But a small part of me that says die. I can’t take this pain day in and day out.
Some days are okay. Most days are dreary. I can’t do what HE did. I hjust don’t have it in me, but I just don’t have the strength to live like this day in and day out. I miss him sooooo much, just want things the way they used to be

I woke up this morning and couldn’t believe this is life. That this is the life I have to live. I can’t believe it although it’s there as real as it could be.

I think about the possibility of being somewhere else. In a different body. Different place. Maybe a little house near the sea. Maybe with someone I care about. But this is just a thought for a Sunday morning. I am aware that it could never happen and I honestly don’t want any of that. It’s just something to cover up the reality.

Actually it would be enough if I could just take a shower, […]

looking around my room i realise i have so many pills. two types of naproxen, concerta, Aleve, Adivl, Tylonal, and sleeping pillings. i coud OD no problem but… i don’t. i keep thinking about it… all the time… i want to soo bad. i could take all those pills. there’s even more in the medicine cabinet and alcohol under the stove. i could take the pills, go to bed, and never wake up.

i don’t know if it’s progress that i haven’t tried ODing yet or not because i keep thinking about it… a lot.

i stopped cutting… i think. it’s only been a few days since […]

I am divorced. I am a mother of six. My fiance committed suicide in July. I have had numerous surgeries this year that have left me unable to work yet. I am in yet another one of my major depressive episodes that has exhausted me. I have tried having my medications readjusted and mixed around to no avail. I am just so sick of having to battle depression! I have been in an uphill battle with this terrible illness for over 25 years! I have had enough. I am tired. I cannot endure more of […]

So after hours of deliberation, multiple new cuts, and a few realizations, it has come to be apparent that I should in fact attempt suicide once more. This will be the 3rd real dedicated attempt and hopefully the last. If I wake up in a hospital bed ahain I will be beyond pissed off. This would is beyond fucked up. Good people die, good people suffer, and assholes get to keep living happy lives. So I’m not gonna live in this world anymore. I don’t care if there’s another one ill go to when I die, I’d actually prefer to cease to exist. Ehatever happens […]

I envy everyone who has a nice life with no problems. I want to say fuck you all but I used to have a great life. Shit just happened and well…what can I say, here I am. So everyone reading this that has a happy life, take advantage of it because there’s a lot of people, including myself, that their life sucks. So do me a favor and live my life for me. Okay thanks…

I think this is my very last post on this site. It’s been very helpful and I believe I’m done with feeling sad or letting what others think effect me. I am longer giving a fuck. And so as this is my final post I want to thank everyone who’s helped me who’s commented on my posts who’s encouraged me to keep moving. You guys are part of the reason I feel the need to get away from this site. I’m no longer suicidal. I’m no longer sad. I longer feel like dying. And I just want to say one thing: you guys don’t want […]

I’m bi sexual

I’m emo

I’m a cuter

I do drugs

I’m atheist

I’m OCD

I’m bi polar

I’m a lover

I’m broken

I’m suicidal

I’m victim

I’m more things than you can probably count. I know there are others who probably have it worse than me, but I feel like this is never ending, that this world only exists to destroy me. I wake up every morning and think “why am I still here?”.  It’s a good question to be honest. I have no purpose. I’m not important. My friends tell me if I died they would care….a lot of people have told me that before…..and look where they’re at…..gone. It would be so much easier just to end it all […]

Ok, I’m going to work now, when you wake up this morning, please read my diary. Look through my things and figure me out.
alicedecristales.blogspot.com

Sorry because of the language stuff, but I’m not so smart. A desperate attempt to talk.

Mitch Lucker’s death really hit me hard. I cried over his death like I should have a family members’.  A lot of people say how can a band change your life, before one did…I thought the same. But when a band or maybe just a single song changes your life…you just know. Suicide Silence and Mitch Lucker in general are one of the bands that made me who I am. Changed my life really.

RIP Mitch we will miss you. You changed my life and so many others, thank you <3

Everyday I fight off the demons. Everyday I act like I’m okay. Everyday I creep a bit closer to insanity….

I can’t stop thinking about death. The thought of it scares me less and less as the days go by and that in itself terrifies me. I contemplate the slipping away into darkness, and I smile at the thought of never having to cry or feel again…

I have the means, but not the courage and that makes me want it even more. It’s like a forbidden fruit…

I feel like my life has no direction and that I’m going to amount to nothing. No one in my life knows how unhappy I am. They don’t know that I cut. They don’t know that I think about stepping off the curb when we’re waiting for the light to change. They don’t know that I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

They already have all these plans. Doctor, environmentalist, musician, journalist. I don’t know what I want, and it terrifies me that time is passing so quickly.

I’m thirty years old, and I’ve done nothing with my life. I have no job. I have no friends, and I’m failing in school again. I can’t take these cycles any longer. I do well for a couple years. I make friends, hold a job, and do well in school. Then the depression comes back. I push my friends away, lose my job, and fail in school. I’ve gotten help in the past, but that only left me tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I need ECT again, but I don’t have insurance or any […]

How can we know that we are loved? Kisses. I’ve never been kissed in my whole life. Yeah, I’m ashamed because of that. Come on, I’m a teenager and that means, to me, that I’ve never been loved, not even a child love. Well, when I was a seven or eight year old girl, a friend kissed me. Have you ever seen those kisses between children? Was something like that. He acted like a ************ with me the rest of my childhood, telling me that I was ugly and fat constantly. God, I hate the bastard. Anyway, that was my first kiss. I don’t know why that […]

have you ever done somthing bad and you dont realize it until after,people do what i did all the time,but not in the way i did it,but i still did what alot of people do,so why do i feel so bad?i cant talk to anyone about it,what i did,i feel like a bad person,but i feel so guilty,should i just pretend like i never did what i did,or punish myself?

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.