some people just make it more and more clear i dont belong here…even on SP..maybe i should walk away..and die. soon i will give the people their wish im sick of bitches and douches. just shut up if u cant be nice.

Yeah but nothing has chanted since I was last on.. I haven’t cut in about 10 days now.. I developed an eating disorder since I was last on, tried to commit twice.. stopped drinking.. am yeah.. like you even give a shit right?

I found out two days ago that my ex committed suicide last week, It feels weird but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,
We haven’t been together or spoken for nearly 8 years but I keep thinking What if he had reached out to me and what if I could have helped him or even tried to understand what he’d being going though.
I wish I could have done something to help him.

im 15 and im completely lost in this crazy world i don’t know what to do anymore.

the title says it all… Im done , with everything …  Oh they will suffer alright – when they are freaking looking at my gravestone, They will be responsible for everything i have done to myself. You  might as well trial them for murder , because they will be the reason why im dead.

I smile,

just so people don’t ask whats wrong.

Because if they did….I’d have to explain how my dad screwed up my life,how my best friend hurt me more than anybody could and i still miss her,  how im deeply depressed, and how just about every other day I want it all to end.

Now i’d probably never kill myself because if I did it would hurt the ones I love and the ones who love me, but I think about it….

a lot.

Somedays it seems like nothing i do is good enough.

and everything I say means nothing to anybody.

i breathe and it hurts.

i swallow and theres a lump […]

There’s this question I tend to ask, ‘Are you missing something?’ A simple task. It’s really me asking myself, no one else has to know, but either way… I have to go. I told a friend today, she didn’t notice at all, that sort of hurt a bit, so I cut the wall. Nobody notices them do they, until they’re finally gone, and even after we leave… they think what we did was wrong. I know it is, but how else can I let them know, I don’t want to leave… and I don’t want to go…

its worse than it has ever been. My depression has surrounded me more than ever.
‘Every day I do less and less, to the point where all I do is lay in my bed . I can’t cry any more , I feel that my sadness has become too strong for me to let it go this way,
I am a student and I don’t even go to my classes any more. Human interaction has turned into almost an impossible thing. Looking back on it I was never ready for college, or for real life for that matter. Every time […]

I think my mother is depressed. She rarely talks and when she does it to complain or to yell about something that went wrong, even the littlest things cause arguments or crying fit. I don’t know what to do to help her feel better.
The other day she told me if she had the money and means of doing so she would leave her boyfriend. She doesn’t love him anymore, and I can see that. he’s always yelling at her or making her feel stupid and she still defends him, she says that it’s because he’s in pain and he has lower testosterone levels, and […]

Open my wings ready to fly,

Out into the vast blue sky,

Ready to leave the ground,

I realize my feet have been bound,

I struggle to get free,

But I have lost the key,

To the heavens I look,

They stand before me like an open book,

Tears fall down my face,

At an unwavering pace,

I know I’ll never make it back,

There’s something these wings of mine lack,

As if I’m burdened with sin,

So I might as well give in.

Holding on to all that’s left

Fighting till my last breath

Trying to find what I’ve lost

Without facing this enormous cost

Maybe it’s all too late

Or is this just simply fate

Am I meant for nothing more

My wings can’t find the strength to soar

I might as well be chained down

I know I’ll never made it now

Even though I tried so hard

Everything became so scared

Letting go seem’s best

Finally time for my soul to rest

I realise i just reached out but im done. I cant do it anymore.

Petals turned from red to brown

Falling slowly to the ground

No one sheds a single tear

Hollow grave dug with fear

Skin so cold made of ice

Breath so empty what a price

A wilted rose will go with you

To show there love is always true

Some times I wonder am I truly alone or are there other people out there who feel as insane as me.

I feel as though my life is getting pulled into a black abyss and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

Days go by weeks even and I feel like only hours have past, time and days mean nothing to me.

Everything seems like such a blur and no one really understands.

They say that want to help or they ask me to explain but I can’t I don’t understand it myself.

I just know that I feel like my heart has been torn out of my body and […]

I guess this is what i’m here for…
Just to be someone’s punching bag…
When something doesn’t go right,it’s always my fault…
I guess I can accept that…..
All I am good for is sex and that is about it…
All of my friends are committing suicide and I feel like it is my fault.
Well it is my fault…
I guess the sooner I accept that, the better off I will be…
If only someone in this world were here to love me….
Love me like the father I never had….
 

Not too long ago my best friend committed suicide. She was 31 years old and had a baby boy. I know that she went through a lot of grief. Just last night I had a beautiful dream about her and I just wanted to hold her but she was so far away. I have been really depressed lately (not so sure if its depression more like numb–not being able to cope with things or do things normally). I didn’t go to her memorial because I felt like it would be too much for me. Right now I am in denial of her death. I just […]

People tell me my life is just beginning, that I’m in my prime and that its all about to begin. Others tell me that in order to be happy I need to make it happen, they say that I need to reach out and take those risks to make my life what I want it to be. But it’s not that simple. There aren’t many options in the society I live in and because I try avoid judgement and be perfect for everyone, I find it very hard to take those steps into making my life the way I want it to be.

I’ve wanted to kill […]

I’m 15 years old and i have been wanting to kill myself for at least 3 to 5 years.
The only thing holding me back is my family and what my death would do to them – That and the fact that i’m kind of nervous about successfully manage to kill myself.
I’m scared of what’s next – do we get reincarnated? or do we stay in either eternal hell or paradise?
I’m scared for my family – will they cope? will they hate me?
I’m scared of how they will deal with it.
I’m not scared of pain – I’ve been cutting myself for years.

I will cry myself to sleep tonight again like I have been doing for the past couple of months. Been hurt a lot this past month. I just wish any of my friends would give me a hug out of the blue and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I would probably break down and cry my heart out if that happened. It never does, though. I’m so sad inside that I can cry so easily. It’s like my emotions are a pot of water spilling over. Sometimes I ponder when I was last happy. I honestly don’t know. But I have […]

i cant take it anymore i have no joy in life i live with my head low and anxiety is pushing me more and more to suicide i just want to be happy again even my girl left me beceause i am simply to depressed all the time and now i miss her so much even tho things wernt working out but the thoughts of her with another guy is makeing me so ill is there anyway out of this mess i just want to be loved and be happy why is this so hard todo i havent done nothing to deserve this it seems […]