I’ve been battling with depression my whole life. I got on anti-depressants when I was about 13, but I caught a lot of flack from my dad’s side of the family so I stopped. I continued struggling until I was about 18 and decided to get back on the pills. It seemed better at first, then it got worse. I was contemplating suicide at least once a week. It was getting to the point where if something in my day went wrong, I would have mini breakdowns in my room. I would cry and curl into a ball and wish horrible things upon myself. I told my […]
Hi again^^
I really thought that the previous post would be the last, but due to some complications I wasn’t able to commit suicide by the sea, unfortunately. I have now started high school, and after just not even a week I already think it’s hell. I’m not bullied and people kinda talk to me, but many of them know each other since before or are just that good at making friends. I have really tried to talk to everyone and in the beginning I thought it went really well, but it didn’t take long for everyone to find just their “gang” to be with. I’m […]
So theres this guy I’m really starting to like but idk if he likes me too.. I’ll be at my locker sometimes and he’ll come up to and start making conversation but idk if it’s cuz his friends locker is right next to mine… And my other friend we will call her “Brit” introduced me into and she knows I like him but every time me and him end up walking together and Brit comes he starts talking to her and she’s really pretty so idk if he likes her.. His a whole grader older then me to… I know I really like him to. […]
Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato
That is the number one thing I live by. Always be nice to people. It’s true, everyone has at least one hard battle going on in their life. God knows how many I am going through. So why don’t other people take that into consideration? Why don’t others see that what they say to someone could be the last strand before they kill themselves? No matter what we say, if someone says they hate you, it hurts. It feels like their goal in life is to make you as miserable as possible.
Ever since I was born life has never been easy for me.  My mother suffers from a mental Illness, my father was abusive and my uncles where thieves and drug dealers. I can’t remember back to when I was young, but I still have a few very vivid memories. When I was two one of my brothers and one of my sisters passed away. When I was three my mother and father split up.  My sister and 2 brothers and I got put into foster care only a year later. We moved on to abusive carers who beat us and punished us harshly. I remember being […]
i have decided to take my mom suggestion and move away. she thinks it might help me , but i honestly don’t know. Last night i started cutting my self, apart of me felt good doing it then another part of me felt as if i am just stupid and sick.
i think i have a personality problem idk its just that there are times when i do things and am not sure why, or times were i sit and stare at my self in the mirror and talk to my self, i end up so deep in conversation that the other part […]
Ever just watch pet fish? Watch them swim around in their bowl? Wonder if they are unhappy swimming in circles, seeing the same things, eating the same things, doing the same things? Does my fish, Flex, even know that my other fish, Murs, is in the bowl with him? Does he even notice the rainbow I put in their to help give them some scenery and something to swim through. Just like school, jobs, and sports are just thrown into the world to give us something to do. The flowers, trees, and ‘mystical wonderlands’ are just scenery to spice up the fact that we are just living in a bowl. Oh, and that fish next to you […]
I can’t seem to get myself to do the simplest things. I am wading through life fighting against this current that tells me it would be better if I just left this plane and stop wasting resources. I feel ashamed constantly and I can’t shake off this feeling that the future is hopeless. I am disoriented. I want to get better, I’ve done therapy, meds, drugs, and yet this heaviness, this emptiness still lingers. Even with some of the ups I’ve had this monster of a feeling is ready and waiting to take me back into the darkness.
I’m stuck between wanting to break free and […]
How many fucking things can go wrong? Just when you think it can’t get worse…
Sighhhh. I just want to cut and pop. Gets tough to fight the urges.
:/
Yes ash still exists whoever asked
i dont know what im doing or where im going.. i have nobody. im alone. it doesnt matter if im in a room full of people.
So ive decided to try again, i came close to blacking out last time, hopefully i will blackout fully so i wont stop my departure.
This probably isn’t the place to ask this question, but if there’s anyone out there who’s happy to be alive, can you explain how? There’s so much suffering, pain and cruelty out there… Even if you’re not a victim, how can you be happy knowing that others are? Misery will always exist, humans will always hurt and abuse others, this whole game we call “life” is rigged with injustice, corruption and pain. Just look around you. I’m not necessarily saying we should all kill ourselves, but why do so many people embrace life like it’s a gift?
My life is the worst. Whatever i do i feel sad. And the thing is that im not supposed to! I have a great family, good grades, going to a high school that is the best in town, i have friends, people sometimes think im interesting and many people would say that i look just like a regular teenager. But… even though i have all that im suicidal. The thing is that i can’t find any joy whatsoever in my life. I hate school, i hate every subject, i hate watching TV, i hate playing games, i hate my friends, i hate all people at my school, i hate my […]
I’m sick of doing so much shit for everyone around me and getting nothing in return. I’m nice as can be 24/7, even to people I can’t stand, and all I get back is, you got it, NOTHING. That or they treat me even worse. I’m just tired. What’s the point? Why bother being nice to people who are just going to screw you over, ignore you, stab you in the back, and treat you like trash? Not to mention I’m ALWAYS the third wheel. I pay for everything when I can, I treat everyone like freaking royalty and I’m starting to think they don’t […]
failI am less than nothing, I am such a fuck up, I cannot do anything right. I try so hard. I cannot do anything right, I fuck everything up. I am nothing. I am worth more dead than alive. No one understands this, I am so fucked up, getting calls, everyone wants something from me, and I cannot deliver……  So much, I cannot do this any more, I try, God knows I try,, and even God has turned His back on me. I have hurt everyone by just being alive, and no one wants to hear me, not even God. I know God is dissappointed […]
So lastnight, i had a dream i hung myself, mabe its becuase ive made attemps already, and soon another, anyway.. i know thats how i will die, its just a matter of time, im thinking now what day i will try again.
christianity put the fear of hell in me and is punishing me for bad looks and small sins i can’t take back. i don’t want anyone to have that authority over me. Cyanide and gunshot is how hitler died. this is a very cruel world full of cruel people.
Is there anymore on here, that I could have the E-mail of that I can just talk to about anything when ever I’m feeling down? I’m FAR more than happy to do the exact same in return, and even just do that without anything in return.
I live in a world that is not real. I feel like I don’t belong in this world. I was forced to pursue a career that I wasn’t interested in. I talk five sentences with my parents on a maximum. Â They have never once asked me how my day went. I never tell them. I don’t tell them about all the nights I sit alone and cry my eyes out into the pillow. I don’t tell them about the bad days I have, or the good ones either. My joys and my sorrows are entirely my own. I love learning about the Universe, but the […]