Why do people think its okay to mess with us… that why i don’t want to live i can’t walk out of my house with out being called a fag or some suicidal comment…… IM DONE
I’m fed up with this.
I can’t change myself and be who i want to be because it goes against my reputations.
I can’t be weak or emotional because it’s not how people see me.
I can’t wear make-up because its also against my reputation.
I smile though I don’t feel like it.
All the photos I have of me have fake smiles in.
For once I just want to smile for real.
For once I just want people too actually see me for me, not to see me as a fake. Iwant to be real. I WANT TO BE ME!!
No matter what she does, where she goes, what she believes, what she endures, she will always be my Riley and I will always hold her near.
Since most of my life I have kept my issues to myself I haven’t ever spoken directly with someone that can relate about shakes.  I go through cycles with depression and typically right before the worst ones I start getting nearly uncontrollable  full body shakes.  These shakes are usual right after a period where I didn’t feel depressed.  Just to be clear these aren’t grand mal seizures but is still for the most part full body and do cause cramps.
I guess in someways I could look at it as an early warning system but nothing I can do helps so it just adds anxiety.  If anyone else experiences anything like this let me know […]
i hate her. so much. she is so mean! its hard to explain, how cruel and twisted she is. she claims how much she wants me in pain..if better she wants me dead. WHY? i have always wanted a sister. to laugh and hang out with. i respect her i deserve her to respect me too. nope i got a ***** instead. now its manipulative, she wants to see pain in others. i cant even stop thinking of how fucked she is. god. my sister, if i dont watch her eat, watch tv, listen to her, if i dont do HER chores. i will pay […]
So I wrote this for my friend, and the title is actually her name so I’m not going to say it
SMILE, not because you have to
But because you want to
CRY, not because you’re weak
But because you’re strong enough to let it out
KEEP GOING, not because they’re watching
But because we’re cheering for you
LOVE, not […]
I woke up wanting to cut. -.- I miss you dim nights, razor, hoodie… I miss my ipod, when I could text all night… Being able to text at any hour, all night sometimes, it kept me alive… helped hold back panic attacks… I miss cutting, I miss having my music/people I trust there anytime I needed them -.- I almost did cut ths morning and I still want to but… I’m not going to… damn…
Hi, I have just been left by my only one love,
I feel so bad because I lived for her, for her smile…Everithing I did, I did for her, for us.
And now she left me…I don’t know why, I only know the se was and is all my entire life, the best thing that I ever had.
I hate the feelings I have now…
I need her…
Sorry for my english…I am italian
I don’t know if anyone can relate to it. I’ve never told anyone before. My story seems different from the stories I see that flood these boards. I’m not depressed or lonely. I do enjoy living. Even, when I have a strange tendency to forget to do the things that keep people alive such as eating food on a regular basis. I do like food. I’m just forgetful. I have friends who remind me to eat so it’s not too bad. In general I am a happy person. When I drink I’m a happy drunk. I most certainly have no intention of dying.
But here I […]
Will a mix of diclofenic, codeine phosphate, ibuprofen, amitripiline, paracetamol gabapentin and diazepam be enough to kill me outright.?
I can’t get out of the house to get alcohol but have about 150 pills altogether. I have a very disabling, chronic physical condition that renders me in 24/7 severe pain and distress. I can’t be helped and living is not an option. I have suffered too long like this and need it end for mine and my family’s sake. Please advise only if you can guide me if it will work. I have had counselling and hospital visits to no avail. My pain never ends and need to […]
I am such a fool to think I thought true love was real. To believe I trusted you with my heart! I left everything for you. I left my home I left my family for you and you repay me by constantly cheating on me and making me feel like everything was my fault like I was the one to blame for you cheating on me. I trusted you many times and kept running back to you like a idiot. I loved you with everything I had I tried to everything I possibly could for you. And I get paid back with this?! I don’t […]
Have you guys ever had your so called friends and family who you always try to help and who tell you they’ll always be there for you and help you, all you have to do is tell them only to shy away, expect something or insult you when you bring something? How do you deal with them? Like not all my friends and family like this, but the ones that are just lower my trust and self worth even more and making me feel terrible and awkward about telling the ones who actually care. It never use to bug me, but recently it has really […]
i go to sleep around 6am every day, i wake back up at 10am. my anxiety is so bad i can never sleep anymore, i hate it. today i woke up sick, throwing up over and over again. i wonder what it would be like to just throw up tons of blood and eventually organs. (probably not possible btw) im not actually sick, just sick of myself. so bad my stomach cant handle anything. i havnt been able to stand all day. i keep trying to eat but nothing helps\: why cant anything ever work out?
Over the past years Ive passed trough many deceptions in life, and passed trough a slowly deteriorating medical condition that to this date has no cure, because of collateral damage from Dengue, transmited by mosquito and common in tropical zones. Why did I had to have the complications I’ve no Idea, and I consider it un fair, specially when I’ve seen people die from cancer, people having Zeizures allmoust daily when I was being treated in the hospital, and allways living in fear that other people could get me sick. My condition is a mix of a lot of mineral deficiencies and damage to the […]
Kids love theatre shows and plays in general; it’s always good to introduce good theatre shows to your little treasures.  The costumes, music and characters of the play will surely entertain your children even if they don’t understand the story line. Your day outing to the theatre will not cost you much. You can get better deal on theatre tickets, if you wish to watch the show day time or find for special offers. Let us see some of the best theatre plays that entertain your children.
The Lion King
The story of Disney’s the Lion King is all about how Simba grows up on […]
Still moving forward and no longer care what’s going on. My heart is still trying to interrupt me every time I do something. I ignore it. I ignore my mind too. I just stuff it with more learning so it will leave me alone.
I started studying Vietnamese a language I wanted to learn for awhile but couldn’t find the resources online. I learn very fast, but I keep drilling away at each lesson. Writing, listening see the words and pictures and I’ll do it several times before moving to the next. I’m doing anything so I don’t have to think about what’s going on.
I’m […]
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
I was just like any other girl in school.. I had my friends, did everything i was told, had a perfectly normal life. Then I started going through a lot of issues, I still don’t know if they were real or if they were all in my fucked up head.
After I started going on some blogs, after I watched a few movies and read a few books, I saw that some people felt more relieved from their problems after they cut themselves. So i decided to give it a try. I still ask myself why, everyday, I decided to give this shitty and […]
You push someone away and they don’t often push back.. Even someone who does will eventually stop trying. This is something I have learned about people, and do whenever someone gets close. How do I stop pushing? I broke down and cried when my friend asked what was wrong.. I had never done that before. I talked and he offered to listen.. then push, leave me alone. Time to lock up, shut up, because it will all come back to bite anyways.. Well it did, but I guess that was my fault too.. How do you expect someone to react when you say.. “I […]