About why I feel this way. Why sometimes I am so miserable. Why the nights seem so endless.. and days are torture.. you see, I have nothing wrong with my life. I was never raped or abused. I’ve been to so many fascinating places. Nothing is wrong, and I feel like because of this I have no place to whine. Maybe I’m just lonely. I’ve been stuck in my head for years.. I don’t know how to del with people anymore. I don’t think I want to.. I don’t connect with anyone. My best friend I only know from online. Try to live. […]
I took 12 lortab and nothing happened. Tomorrow I think I will take 20 and all the xanax  I have. I cant stop from breaking down. I always get abandoned. I always get used. I am tired of the loneliness, I miss my ex…I dont know how I could just be disgarded like garbage after all the love I have given. Why do people lie and say they love you when they only want to use you.
My heart is just broke, it wont heal…I am tired of living with this pain…it just wont go away….I am invisible nobody will miss me anyway….
For the past two years, my family has struggled with my mom’s addiction towards alcohol. A year ago, she was told that she wasn’t going to be allowed in our house anymore unless she got help. And she did shortly after. But after awhile, it started again. The drinking, the yelling, the pain, everything. We all knew, my dad, my sister, and I. She, of course, denied it.
About ten days ago, she was served divorce papers from my father. I was on his side, due to the fact that I was hurt, embarrassed, terrorized. She hadn’t realized all the pain she’s caused me for the past two […]
Why do I always have to think of my flaws. I mean I can list a lot but I won’t but I am really getting tired of sitting hear at night just thinking of shit that i seam to never be able to become good at. 🙁 I wanna be happy again.
We all come with baggage of insecurities, fears, shortcomings, emotions. We all feel, that’s what makes us Human. But…some of us are born with something extraordinary, an ability to feel a lot stronger. It’s a gift and a curse. When we are happy, others can’t comprehend how happy, but when we are engulfed by darkness, we feel miserable enough to die. I speak from the inside perspective, and it really isn’t easy to live with. Sometimes, I look at the sky from somewhere high up, and am ready to reach for the heaven and jump. Other days, I feel so powerful, like i can do […]
I’m not here to judge or talk you out of cutting, overdosing, or other means of escaping. Primarily because i myself have been through it all and still am. My life has been a constant shove here and there for me to pick up the blades i keep in my makeup bag. Scars dont bother me, the pain can be grown accustomed to. I have heard just about every cliche from people who swear they want to help. I am not a reject and have always done well in school and outside. I have friends and am not a total failure as a girl. But […]
i have nothing else to live for ..that is what always pop up in my head every time i think about how she walk away from me in an istant,i couldnt even tell she was gone.. i have no one but she at my side always ..in every down moments of my life,in every problems that came..but now that she had left me..i just cant imagine how to go on ..i just cant imagine a life without her .. someone told thats everything gonna be okay,but i answered back ..how is it that you know that.when you dont even know how much pain i have..you […]
Debt, depression, death.
It just seems I cant get a break recently. After all the drama and problems last week, I find out I`ll possibly need another root canal, which my mom cant afford. Shes been slamming stuff around and crying, just upset in general. She keeps saying all I asked you to do is brush your teeth, my credit is maxed out, your dad isnt going to help and then she quits talking to me period.
Its just stressing me out..I feel horrible I keep adding all this pressure, with my appointments and medicine..I cant even get myself to cry anymore. Im sick of being a burden to […]
I rarely go to sleep before 2 AM most nights. I usually just read, or write, or use my laptop until I get so exhausted I go straight to sleep when I let myself. I do this because otherwise, I lie awake in bed for hours and hours thinking dark, sad, terrifying thoughts and everything gets worse. And I can’t tell my parents that that’s the reason I’m always so exhausted in the mornings, because they tell me to just go to bed earlier, but they don’t get that the longer I lie in silence, the more time I have to think. And thinking too […]
I am easily distracted under normal circumstances. I have ADHD – which is to say, I am hyperactive, imaginative, really good at lateral thinking, and it sometimes feels as if there are a family of squirrels living within my head who do various memory-and-thinking tasks for me. It can sometimes feel like herding cats; squirrels are a lot like cats in that regard. I do enjoy mixing metaphors, too. It’s fun.
One of my favourite things to do in my free time is to wander aimlessly around stores in search of…. something…. that I probably had in mind when I entered the store… but consequently, I […]
He threw the trash can at her… I want him GONE. I was right there trying to shrink into the couch… I thought for sure he was gonna turn to me and try to strangle me…
maybe, i think i finally had a good day. yes i had things push me down but for once i took my mind off the negatives and soaked up some sun and had fun today. yeah finally a good day XD
Written about a year ago, I think.
Yes, I suck quite profusely at social interaction. I am a prodigy at making a fool out of myself by saying or doing stupid things. Of course, only when it comes to personal conversations; I can work, I can manage departments, I can go shopping, I might even be able to go to the doctor’s office. Yet, if you ask me how my day went, that’s when the anxiety starts. I might answer, “Okay, I guess. How was yours?” and slowly, but surely, as the conversation progresses, I will get more and more anxious until I wind up fleeing […]
Spent my Saturday night curled up in the foetal position, on a couch in the spare room, interrupted by the occasional self-inflicted punch in the head when it got too much. Sleep was elusive. What little sleep I did find was peppered with dreams, such as the one where a train was stopped at a railroad crossing and I decided to sit under the train and wait for it to move. Then, there was the one where I was back at school, only the HR Manager at my work was the Deputy Principal, and she said she was really worried about me. I had to […]
 I wake up everyday and realize that I’m still here. How much  longer do I have to wait. I feel so lonely though there’s a crow around me. I try to do my best,but nothin is enough. I scream but it looks like nobody can hear me screaming. Am I already death? I hate myself, I hate my life, and in the darkeness of my loliness I count the moments for everything to come to an end.
I’m Tired of waiting. I’m tired of sitting around, hearing everybody saying how imperfect I’m. Saying how dissapointed they are.I have the answer to everything […]
Hey guys, sorry I haven’t posted. I only have the laptop during the week I’ll post tomorrow. If you need me my email is jacobj234@Gmail.com and my cell is 850-632-0697
i’m 15 and my life is hell, I need to escape and i fear that death is the only way, i need help or i might do harm to the people around me i don’t want that to happen, all i want is to be free of this anger  and misery or i will die and might take a few people with me. i have thought about taking my life before when i was 10 and my life got worse since then, i need to be free and i have a few ideas on how to kill myself, ODing on pills, slitting my wrists or throat, juming in front […]
Rachel Ferguson- Never Good Enough
The story of me. I wrote this after my first hospital visit, it was going to be my suicide note but a close friend of mine found me before I died. He has an uncanny ability to call me whenever I’m seriously debating suicide even though he’s moved all the way across the world from me.
Born to the urban monster,
Raised to be mindless,
Her curiosity brought pain,
Tears of blood shed in silence.
Ostracized by her peers,
In the shadows she played.
Her “friends†cruel like the rest,
As she was bullied there came no aid.
Fragile, she often wept,
They laughed and pointed.
Ridiculed and mocked into […]
Slipping back down, still keeping my head above water, like I am out tredding water in the ocean. Today I had a thought that scared me so much I can’t even put it here, but it was enough to make we want to go check myself in and stay for awhile. I didn’t though and the thought went away hopefully never to return.