I have never, ever put my thoughts and pain and utter dejection into print before. I have read countless posts and can honestly say I see so many differing viewpoints that I feel more lost than ever. I have lived with depression and epilepsy for a long time, too many years. You would not believe the effort writing this has been! Or maybe you would. I have now been researching “my exit” for several months. I care little for painless methods I care little for anything at all to be honest. What I seek is an affective method a guarantee of success if you like. […]
Don’t be fool by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature to me,
but don’t be fooled.
For God’s sake don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my gane,
that the water’s calm and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don’t want anybody to […]
To my family and friends
What I’ve done is inexcusable – I apologize for what you must be going through. This has been many years in the making, and I’ve struggled with it as long as I can.
I Hate Being Around People. All I Ever Whant To Do Is Be By Myself Because It Seems Easyer That Wayy,I Have THE BIGGEST Insecurity Issue. I Cant Sleep At Night And when I Do I Feel Like I Didnt Even Sleep,I Am So Confused. I Always Feel Sad, I Get Irritated Really Really Quick Sometimes With Out Reason,I Feel Extremly Fat, I Dont Understand Myself,I Get No Point To Anything, And I Dont Know How To Find Myself Because I Dont Even Kno Who I am..
a struggle with growing apathy .. to have little concern for too many things .. to live life in autopilot mode, doing things because you’re used or expected to and rarely because you desire to .. your soul is disconnected from this 3D reality, you have a wandering mind and your body is what keeps you trapped in a world you don’t want to be a part of
I’ve been living this way for 4+ years and I’m truly fed up with being half a zombie half a robot .. I’ve done a lot of introspection to find out I’m only interested in two things: total […]
I Cut For The First Time, All My Life I Had Promissed My Self I Wasnt Going To Go Down That Path But Unfortunately I Failed MySelf, It Felt Like An Escape, Like Something I Can Run To When i Cant Take Things Anymore,To Me Thats The Only Thing That Listen To Me When I Need SomeOne.15 Years Ive Been Fighting My “Depression” And Tonight It WON
Many People See ThemSelves In The future, But I Dont, Honestly I have No Idea What im Doing Here In The first Place I Feel Like I’m An Outcast, I Look Around Me And EveryBodys Happy,Everybody Feels Like They Wake Up Each Morning For A Reason,Not Me Of Course. I Dont get Why I Am Here, And Each & Every Day That Goes By I Wonder Who I Am? And It Seems Like Every Second That Passes By I Lose Myself A Little More. I Feel Like Shitt All The Time And All I Can Do Is Feel It….
I’ve had a couple of moments in  my life, one was just a couple of minutes ago. The ceiling in my bathroom was falling (my house is going under construction) and I didn’t move, I just stood there and watched as everything came crumbling down. A part of me was hoping the whole thing would come down on top of me, so at least I wouldn’t have to do it. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened, one time I was swimming and just for a second I thought I could stop swimming and everyone would just think it was just this […]
Where do i even begin? I am 18 years old and i lost the people who pretty much raised me at a young age and developed depression before i had hit the third grade. Then i found out i had cancer, ive been fighting that for almost a year now and ive gone through so many surgeries and dont know what to say about it. But the weight of the sickness and the looming thought of dying and just having peace finally is so enticing i long for it. But then seven months ago i met the most amazing person i k.ow the person thats […]
ive lost everything. My money, my friends, my family, my job. People keep telling me “oh you’re only 16 you’ve got your whole life ahead of you” but I know that’s total bs. Of those 16 years, I’ve been depressed for 6 and I’ve wanted to die for 4. I don’t want to see what life brings in 30 years. Because I already know what it’s gonna be like. Me miserable, alone, broke, probably homeless living off booze weed and ramen I cook using trash fires and a pot I stole from walmart. Trying to find a way to die but unable to actually do […]
I fail at everything. I can’t even successfully take my own life. All I want is to die but I am too scared. I don’t want to be alone. I hate myself. I deserve to die alone but I am a scared little girl that can’t do anything right. For herself or for this world. I need to do this. I just don’t know how. Don’t want to be alone. Scared. Hating every minute.
After I became an adult, I realized that the world is full of sufferings
true there’s joy as well, but the sufferings are much more severe
in everyone but children I see a shred of suffering
this site for example, has dozens of posts a day, only a small portion of the actual viewer, and I bet very large number of world populations also feel the same, don’t forget the people without internet connection in Africa or such. But in Africa everything is trying to kill everybody, death by suicide is the last concern
For all this sufferings, I wish God would help us all, I want to be […]
IDK how to overcome with worthless feeling. I have a beautiful daughter and I was married to her dad. I am really pissed that I am stuck raising her alone. I have had a successful career that I choose to leave behind. Now I struggle everyday with bills, work and my 3yr old. There is not a day that goes by where i dont plot or plan my death. I always think of a way that wont affect my daughter because I would never want her to be hurt by my actions. I am extremely overwhelmed and I dont get my purpose. I know everyone […]
Its all sunshine and rainbows and butteries and unicorns and romantic comedies, right?
There’s always a happy ending, theres always light at the end of the tunnel, and good things always happen to those who wait, right!?
My fucking ass…!
Shit. He’s going to tell me he loves me. How do you tell someone that you’re not interested in love without them taking it personally? I don’t even think its possible for me to fall in love right now. Why now, why me again? I don’t want love. Please don’t tell me you love me. I can’t do it. This is as much as I can give right now. He doesn’t even know half of me yet. Please don’t fall for me. I am so far away from lovable, despite whatever brave face I present to the world. I’m not ready. I can’t do this. […]
Anyone need some one to talk to? Some one to be a friend? Some one who understands? Well i’ll be here and i’ll hear you out, what we say to eachother is strictly confidential and i will try to give any advice that i can. If anyone wants to speak to me just email me at animecat9@aol.com
I fuked up. About a year and a half ago I became addicted to painkillers I’ve been on suboxone for the past 6 month’s my wife found the suboxone pills about 4 months ago so I came clean and she left me and took my 1yr old daughter with her and is using my past drug problem against me to get custody and prevent me from regularly seeing my daughter I also got caught shoplifting about a month ago and during my addiction I used my corporate credit card for work to take cash advances to pay for my pills work found out fired me […]
So lonely but apparently having emotions is wrong is since I am a guy. It’s really just depressing how the world looks at my situation. Basically I’m a wuss for crying even though I have perfectly good reason to. Â Wanting to hug and kiss someone makes me needy although isn’t that one of the key thing man walks the Earth? To find love and acceptance? I was put in a crisis center aka mental hospital for people my age and you would think I would hate being there. If I can tell you this I love being in there. Sure the beds are hard to […]
Hey guys here is my story of selfishness, and my un valid reasons for wanting to take my life. Im 23 I live in the UK. Basicly think im a person who just doesnt know how to survive in realworld and make sensible adult decisions. Been to university twice to persue my dream career of becoming an actor or a drama teacher. Both times ended up dropping out due to just [artying all time and making terrible choices. I spend money like an absolurte moron take out payday loans just to spend money to try and make myself feel better. Last octoper I self admitted […]
Last time I spoke with another person was 14 months ago. And I don’t really suffer from social phobia or anything like that. I think I’ve become Human Cockroach. Kafka wrote about it but I used to think it was a joke or huge exaggeration. And sadly there is not even a trace of struggle here. I could really appreciate it, struggle equals life. Instead I’m trapped in airless wastelands. Why I’m still alive, when all hope is long gone, that’s truly a mystery to me.