Since the day of my birth I have been made fun of for my appearance. Harsh judgement and bad treatment has followed me where ever I go. From hiding in the restroom and faking my own sickness to get away from the bullying in my elementary school, to dreading the visit of relatives from my father’s bloodline due to their constant act of sexual molestation towards me: I now understand how I was screwed up in the head. The only way anyone appreciated me (other than my loved ones) was when I allowed others to touch me in an inappropriate matter. This was the only way to […]
this is it im done i hav no friends no family nothing to live for ive often daydreamed of going out at night and jst laying down on the train tracks and jst wait for the nightly train yea that would b a fitting end for me ihope this works wish me luck
Standing here breathless
Paralyzed and blinded
In the end of the bottomless
Agony beyond imagination
Searing me within
Nails pounded into my soul
Only to be removed and replaced
The torture slow and unending
I can barely pretend
Every smile causes me a thousand knives to the heart
Every laugh chimes, a haunting scream only for me to hear
I’m unable to bear much more
There is no turning back
The path behind has disappeared
There is only down deeper into my menacing self
No light shines here
Looking up in the distance
I can see you, your smiling face
Your trivial thoughts flicker under your […]
Im not sure why I am really posting this, but praphs this will help me in some sort of way. I am a lost individual who i guess cannot cope with life. I have been this way since 15, since i can remember i always felt like i dont belong in this society, almost as though it ruins me -Â than i realised i ruin myself. So… people who dont know me, which means everyone in this world maybe apart from my father and mother would think i have ‘everything’, i mean after all im’pretty’, have a part – time job, currently doing a law dagree […]
Why continue with something that keeps me in a permanent state of unhappiness? Once you over examine your life like I have, you will realise just how fucking pointless it is. The way that humanity has turned out, is pointless. After all life just replicates itself with the seasons passing, and will continue to do so with us or without us.  We are not free people to who live freely, we have been chained to the monetary system, from which there is no escape.
Life’s subjective purpose is to procreate. It’s objective is something I Â can only speculate as being meaningless in the end. Nothing really fucking […]
i speak the truth, and mabey my truth is harsh but i only give people what they ask for,
and thats the way i am, life took me to hell and i came back with a fucked up mind and its all i got, so people can just deal with it like i do,and if its to much for people to take, then they can walk in my shoes and retrace my steps and come back with the same mind i got, an know youll never be the same again,i wont change for anybody,
Hello,
I came here after watching a video on TED: http://www.ted.com/talks/jd_schramm.html
Personally, I don’t think talking to people helps. Quite simply because they do not know what to do, not that they don’t care. Also, here is my personal story: I first considered taking the fall five years ago and then again this year. Here is what I found. I never ever gave myself some time and respect that I always did to others. I do not know where this came from, but that is what I always did. Put everything before me, everytime. I also have a nicotine addiction which, ironically, is what has kept me […]
I can truly understand how people here feel. I have a good life. Yet the littlest things set me off into this downward spiral. And I know it could be much worse. Fortunately I have managed to keep things under control. But it just sucks because I shouldn’t feel this way. I am independent, I have some good friends, and I successfully graduated from a great college. I have a job I like and family/pets to keep me company. But still, I feel like many of my friends and family don’t get me. I just don’t want to worry about tomorrow. People talk about the […]
I’m deciding to end it.
It’s being decided slowly, but everyday the urge to end my life gets stronger and stronger.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
I am physically sick from this depression.
God, where are you?
Can you hear me?
Are you even real?
Why are you ignoring me?
I need to know you exist.
It’s making me physically ill.
I’m terrified of death, but i know that if i kill myself, i wouldn’t even know i died because the pain will be gone.
I know all these worries will be gone.
My depression will be gone.
I will be gone.
Please God, if you exist, if i actually have a purpose, show me.
Show me that […]
I tried it again. By it i mean suicide. It want to die put i care about two people  a lot so i just can’t do that to them. It would be wrong and hurt them deeply. I want to die peacefully. I drank some rubbing alcohol last night. I hoped i wouldn’t wake up this morning. I feel really sick. I almost puked it tasted disgusting. I cut my wrist because i was mad i wasn’t dead. I might try again if i don’t die by Wednesday. I haven’t been eating because it hurts my stomach. well that’s all i have to say about my life. It helps […]
Earlier in the school year I actually likes school but now I really hate it. It is so hard to get out of bed every morning knowing that I have to face going to school. I am so bored every day and nothing interests me. I spend all my time online between when I get hame from school and when I go to bed because there is nothing in my life that interests me. I feel so depressed all the time it makes me feel like I will explode because I just feel se trapped in my own head, like I am a prisoner to […]
When i was in rehab and after a few days i finally had a clear head again, when i did i started having a recurring dream.
To this day im not sure if it is a dream or a nightmare.
I wrote this in my journal after the third night.
Dream or Nightmare
I have had the same dream for the last three nights. In the dream i woke up in our bed and she was not lying beside me. I bend over and turn on the lamp. I can hear crying off in the next room. I get up walk slowly down the corridor. When i reach the room […]
So I recently gathered together all of the things from that time in my life–everything that holds negative connotations that came into my life over the past three years, from scissors and razors to the belt from my last attempt and poems and bloody tissues and whatever else–and I put all of this in a shoebox until I’d collected everything. Then I went out with my boyfriend into the back field, and we were looking for a tree to bury it by, when I saw the tree where one of my goats had died (she got her hoof stuck in between two branches and broke […]
If you’re born into a poor family, an abusive family, a rich family, a strict family, a dumb family, a broken up family, a close-together family, a famous family…you just have to suffer (or for some, enjoy the privleges). It sucks, you come into this world with everything planned for you, and you’re forced to accept it. Try to run away…you’ll be on your way back home. Try to call CPS…they’ll tell you to stay home because your living conditions aren’t “bad enough”. It’s all ridiculous; absolutely ridiculous. What more will it take for people to realize that we’re all nothing but slaves?
How do you talk to someone you push away? A person that has been through so much and had done everything they can to help you. But, you avoid them,ignore them, and hurt them. How do I talk to them again? Is it too late? Did I loose the people I care because I was being a selfish *****? Because I wanted to be alone but, now I need them more than ever. What do I do?
K, so my friend just made me make a Tumblr, so the URL is http://ifyoubothertoremember.tumblr.com/ for anyone who cares. She made the URL, title, and description, and she probably shouldn’t know me that well.
I’ve had it all … Zyprexa, Lamictal, Zanex, Lexapro, Oxycodone, Percoset, Ambien, and dozens more plus Pot, Alcohol, LSD, and more.
And months of nothing – which is the worst because you are then stuck with your thoughts
What is your favorite? What are you on and does it help?
[please read]do i have the ‘right’ to ‘change’ the ‘strange’ person many people ‘knew’ me as?
goiin’ to try to make this concise: i want to change, can anyone tell me ofany reallifestories that involving a transformation of a changed person, its really hard to explain , ecspecially when im tryng to be concise. HOW can i convince myself that i have the right to become a totally changed [for the better ] person? [not so extremly strange, freakis, but total realization of who i want to be, and able to express myself for the first real time [all through school i didnt talk..cntinued,.see cmments…
A few weeks ago I went to therapy and my therapist was giving me substitues for self harming. But i find her substitutes un-useful to me. She told me to snap a rubber band on my arm,write out why I’m upset,or talk to someone. The reason these methods don’t work is because if I use a rubber band I do it until I break skin and see blood which is pretty much the same as cutting or burning. I’m tired of writing out what I feel because I honestly don’t know what I’m upset about most of the time. I also really don’t have anyone […]
I just joined this website and i made my first post a few hours ago, but it just seems that depression gets worse by the minute.
Being gay and catholic is not easy.
Being gay and really following any set religion is not easy.
I am losing my boyfriend and my closest friends because of my depression due solely to religion.
They worry about me all the time and tonight my boyfriend told me that he feels lonely.
When he said this, he cried and it broke me.
He is an amazing guy and he loves me so damn much.
I never knew love was like this.
He buys me things all the […]