I’m ready to die, just have a few things to do before i make it happen. update the will, pay a few bills etc. Figure i have about a month to 2 months. have felt like this for about 30 years and it’s getting worse. I’m 52, have a totally meaningless, depressing life, no wife, kids or anything like that. have always felt like i didn’t fit in anywhere. have a little time on my hands while i’m making the final arrangements, so what the hell. just another useless person in this wasteland of a society.

I feel like dying or running away somewhere far away from everything. My mom thinks am fine the world thinks am fine. But am dying inside. I just feel numb. I dont have anymore tears. I am alone. And really i just want to die. I want to stop breathing, stop my heart from beating, and just stop trying. FML!

http://eve3.wordpress.com/2008/07/08/characteristics-of-the-gifted/

you may be smarter than you would have ever imagined

I’m exhausted in the truest sense of the word. I’m 34 years old and life continues to not work out.

I listened to the incoherent ramblings of others when I was a child that said “If you work really hard and develop a skill, good things will happen”. No. They don’t.

I know that a lot of depressives claim to be in a unique situation, a chronically unique situation in fact, but my story has features that I don’t see all that often.

I was raised in a fairly restrictive mind control religious cult. That fact is neither here nor there as I sensed early on that something […]

Hey here! It’s been a long time i wasnt here 🙂 Was pretty busy.

Anyway, talking about suiciding..

It was a beautiful first warm day a week before. We got a call that 56 years Female Intoxicated by Drugs.

Blue lights. Sirene. Speed. Running….

On the way i am wondering – is it worth to risk my own life (speed, traffic, cars, bridge) to help a suicider?! It is i guess.. you never know when 2nd chance helps!

We run to call and found he collapsed on the floor. Made her conscious and asked what happened. She was a nice lady… in nice flat.. with nice family… anyway, she said […]

Hello people…

well… I’ve been depressed for about 4 years. It’s been 3 years now that I am an almost-graduated-economist. I just can’t finish my monograph, which is the last thing I have to do to get the diploma.

I am 25 now. My parents still support me financially. I am from a middle class family that could give me a good life. I studied in a good private school for elementary and high schools, which is expensive here in Brazil (public schools are shit). I was a relatively good student and could, then, go to a public university to study economics. If I was not in […]

It was June 13th, 2011. The first monday of summer vacation. My parents had both left for work, and I was babysitting my 10-year-old brother Gibson. It wasn’t much of a task, all he did was ignore me and play games on the computor. He didn’t notice. He didn’t notice his big sister take the jug of apple juice to her room, take out her stash of 40 Midol, and take every last one.

I tried to take a nap, hoping I’d never wake up, just sleep through the dying process. But god, it was impossible to sleep. I walked around for a few hours, writing […]

Tapyad, the pet turtle popped his head out of his shell after awakening from a nice recharging sleep, where he dreamt of beating his pal bunnetreceit, the hare, in a race, which he did. Tapyad the turtle was disappointed that this was only a dream. Then he smelt some fresh lettuce that franklin, his owner put inside his cage. Tapyad was so distracted by the lettuce he completely forgot about his dream.

He decided to eat all the lettuce. So he did. Then he got thirsty, so he drank some water. Then he thought about the dream again and said *sigh*

“what can y’do” (in turtle language) […]

So guess what?!… i’m feeling depressed. :/

Sorry about that, you were probably expecting some great, amazing news from a well loved and appreciated person, instead you got me. And all I do is complain about how much I hate my life when somewhere in the world there is a kid wishing he/she could be me. I don’t deserve this life… I’m just going to fuck it up, and already have. I’m only 15 and have already fucked it up. I should just leave. Either the permanant way or just gather my things and walk out of the door. I don’t want to stay here, really. […]

Time tick tocks away, I wish it would freeze till I sort out things, as I panick with frustration, So much work to do, so many things on my mind. I don’t know what I should be doing.  I have so much cyber school work, im so behind and I feel screwed, like I am doing very well, but I’m behind and preoccupied with bigger worries , that are actually irrational but I am so paranoid with guilt.

My one and only friend wish I secretly wish would disappear (not die, just move away or something). I honestly feel so uncomfortable around her because I haven’t […]

Well, I don´t know what´s wrong with me, I feel heavy and lazy, like If I wouldn´t want to do anything, just die. All started because I lost my job and now I feel Like I don´t want to work any more. I have chances to start working but I have rejected by making up excuses. I feel That these last years I have lived in a way I have never wanted. I haven´t had what I had wanted. I thought I was smarter now I feel stupid. Anyway In these days  I have been thinking about ending up my life. I am about to […]

I’m very ready to leave; it’s a conscious decision. I’m not sad about broken dreams or failures or lost loves; simply bored and tired and nihilistic and misanthropic. I was watching Wrath of the Titans last night and when Hades started whining about how humans get to go on to the afterlife but it’s just non-existence for gods. Fuck, that’s what I crave, absolute nothing. It brought a smile to my face, thinking of void in that brief instant.

I could do it today, but the only thing holding me back is my brother. As I said, I have no good reason to leave; I don’t […]

Tired of everything!! 4 years ago my life was great had friends a home and finances were good but then parents lost their jobs. Lost my home, my friends and my self respect……. Ever since then I have moved a total of 6 times and each time the reason for moving again is because of the shortage of money. I was kicked out of school because we couldn’t afford it and missed out 2 years of education, now I back at school trying my best and I can cope with any of it, I’m failing at every corner!! One good thing happened to me……..one year […]

I’ve messed up yet again. I dont understand why I always do everything wrong. I’m not thát stupid, I know that. I guess I am semi-smart. So why do I always fail everything? I actually wish I was just an ordinary retard, I could just follow a meaningless education (or none, whatever) and there wouldnt be any expetations. I dropped yet another class and my mom just thinks I hardly have school. I just cant do everything. Or anything. I can barely wrap my brain around 1 assignment and because I’m so afraid I will fail again I just cant seem to make any progress. […]

I’ve started out with a terrible life. When I was 2 my real dad tried murdering me. When I was three he choked me to death but the emt brought me to life again. I wish I could of just died then so I wouldn’t have to go thru this pain any longer. My lifes falling apart at the seams again…. I’m 14 and tried suicide 5 times! But each time at the end when I’m about to die someone saves me even when I try fighting them. At this exact moment I feel unwated unloved and depressed. I’m thinking of suicide because who would […]

Times are getting tougher….

They snipped out semesters from the college I’m going to because of budget cuts. I can’t find a job in this f*cked up economy. I’m 21 years old and still living with my parents. I feel so ashamed because I can’t find a job or other school where I can finish getting my degree. F*cking economy. I have no idea what to do with my life anymore… I just want to end it. I just want someone to kill me. I just feel so useless…………

I could kill myself right now.

But you’re fine at the moment…..

Still?

You won’t kill yourself, you know you never will.

And how are you so sure that I won’t?

I’m you, idoit.

You’re quite rude, you know that and also mind, brain or whichever part is talking to me, shut up.

So? I’m you and that makes you rude as well doesn’t it…..But back to the main focus point. What’s wrong now?

Nothing I suppose……

Oh shut up. I’m you, you’re bored and when you’re bored you like to think of horrid situations but you and I both know that isn’t the cause of the state you’re in most of the time.

I […]

Do you believe in fate? If yes, then I have another question for you. If someone commits suicide, was it fate? Meaning, even if you or someone else attempted to stop them it would have happened anyway because it is their fate? I’m not saying fate should be blamed, I’m just beginning to believe that some things in life are inevitable no matter how much we humans try to change it.

Today I read an article in Psychology Today. In it a successful author was interviewed and he said that  most success in life is governed by chance. Basically someone could work just as hard and […]

Do i really want to be here? i dont know. i do but then i dont. i hate my life. i hate myself. i hate everything about me. i feel like noone really likes me. only reason i havent killed myself is because im scared of the pain it will cause physically and mentally. i think about killing myself everyday. i think of why why am i here on this earth. i hurt my self when im upset. i used to cut myself all over my body a years ago but i stopped once my friend and mother started to see the scars. so do […]

my entire life, im always surrounded by cow heads,people that expect apologies when i lose myself, but they are always inocent,wen i do something wrong thats why im the first one to admit it, ill literally call myself out because it pisses me off wen other people do and i aint afraid of admiting shit,but i have so much rage inside me just boiling, and certain things, only certain things, have been happening repeatedly my whole life, so a year ago i lost the last of my trust for people, i shut everyone off, and i am content, as long as i dont let people […]