i cant sleep, its not working! its like 4 am where i am and I CANNOT FUCKING REST IN THE SLIGHTEST OF FASHIONS. you would think after having insomnia fro 4 years i would know how to deal with it, but i dont i just get angry and frustrated then waste my days in a fuzzy, sleep deprived blur. people complain about missing one or two nights sleep and im just there being like ‘dude nto only did i cut myself and consider suicide last night but i havent slept properly in over a week’. and when i do sleep.. bad things very bad things […]
I don’t know what to do.
Cry?- Check. Have a mental breakdown?-Check. Sit and stare into space?- Check.
So.. Tonight, at about half eight-nine, i started to break down. I started to tell myself that it was happening and everyone is going to die. Then i logged onto facebook to try to calm myself down, only to read a lot of status’ about Chantelle…. Things like R.I.P. After some research, i found out that on Tuesday 3rd April 2012, she committed suicide.
I didn’t know her, but still this news has mentally destroyed me.
It makes me think that, how i’m feeling right now… will be what it’s like […]
ive taken to cutting myself so thats good. ive been doing it for almost 4 weeks exactly, my once spotless arm is quite impressively scarred now. no ones said anything though i mean seriously one of your best friends comes into school with giant scratches up and down her arm and you dont say anything? what is wrong with these people. and in my uniform my arms are never covered and i see all the random people in my class looking at my cuts and just being like ‘are those really..? but shes such a happy innocent person’. only one person out of at least […]
Well, I’ve been gone for a while now haven’t I? I’ve been through hell and back and I haven’t found what I’ve been trying to look for. . .
As the people who read my other posts may know, I was with a guy who I loved with all my heart and I gave up almost everything for him. He ended up cheating on me and using me for sex. . . And I still love him alot. But no where near enough to go through that again. The day after he was caught cheating and shit, I posted it to The Suicide Project. I never really […]
I really don’t where else to write my shit so I’ll write it here.. fuck I just spent the last 10 minutes looking through facebook and my friends’ profiles and shit.. with their proper nice social lives! well my story is I was on medication for 7 years then I came off it.. been 6 months.. in that time my social life kinda collapsed (not entirely somehow coming off meds ups ur hormones.. so u know that department was all good 😉 not to brag really but yeah it was good shit..)
but anyways.. when ur all spaced out.. and weird.. it’s a lot harder to […]
I posted here two years ago or more. I’m not really sure. I was thinking of ending my life that day and I know the general reasons why, but I don’t know what brought those thoughts so hard that day–just like today. Sitting in my chair, working, then suddenly, like a flash mob of pain and ache and emptiness. Fatelessness.
Everyone adores me for my personality now. I can’t believe how social I can be sometimes, and then nothing, nothing at all, but the desire for nothing, and peace, and a bed made of endless dreams. I know why people do heroin.
I’ve made a plan. I […]
I figured out a way to live and be happy, but it still feels so valueless so fuck it. I keep moving forward in my life, making progress, but none of it matters to me. I keep thinking about the universe and how meaningless existence. All that exists here only exists here, the rules and thoughts and colors and laughter; all this bullshit is on this stupid rock, Earth.
It’s all bullshit, emotions/feelings, was over me but never become part of me. I don’t get it. I don’t get why I seem to be the only one around me aware of the fatal flaws in the […]
I feel barely alive, like the world itself feels unreal. I just feel nothing anymore. Nothing comes through to my heart and it’s in so much pain. Not my parent’s love, nothing does.
I’m so alone, my whole life I have been. I’ve been informally diagnosed a schizoid/avoidant by a psychologist. The only girl I’ve felt much of anything for I met years ago in sunday school but after so many tries I don’t seem to be able to get through to her. I could live if my life was being together with her, but that’s not possible it seems. She has […]
I don’t even know what to say…… I tired I can’t handle being the youngest yet haveing to be the strongest in the family … I can’t do it I have no money I hate everything about me the only thing that has stopped me from just ending it all is my dog….. But I don’t no if thats enough anymore
I feel so exposed, vulnerable, like people know what I am thinking and like they know my problems.
How can I just care less?
Last weekend, I managed to paint myself into a corner. I hadn’t realized that I had run out of Geodon and Cogentin, AND I hadn’t realized that I had no refills left. Okay, no big deal, request refills on-line, they’ll call my psych on Monday, I go get them, no big deal. I just need to get from Friday night to Monday afternoon. I’ve run out of other meds before, and they always take a couple of days before I start feeling any discomfort.
Goddess save me.
I started feeling it Saturday afternoon — tremors, sleepiness, lack of coordination. By the middle of Sunday, I felt like […]
I once had a great life and now I feel like I’m living another persons life. I am lost and so want to regain some of the life I once had. I had a good high paying job, great children, fantastic family. Not a lot to complain about. Then I had a problem with my back and then multiple surgeries, 9 to be exact. Then a brutal assault after a back surgery. After the assault the merry go round of depression started and has been a spiral down turn ever since. Most days start with not wanting to be here, then all the […]
Coming from a religion heavy city and family abortion is not a choice for them.
And very few of them believe in adoption because they feel like if a person has a child that person should have no option at all but to raise the child despite the circumstances. Their philosophy is “God will provide.”
Seems like reality in some cases is a bit different. On sites like this and in RL there are so many children who are neglected and abused by their parents. Which of course does not doom them but does give them a more difficult start than children without that problem.
To the point […]
I am a moron. A complete fucking idiot. Why? For actually trusting someone. And not once, but twice!! Maybe that’s the power of a cute face, it makes you do some pretty stupid shit.
My first date (freshman year in high school) was the result of a dogfight. For those of you who don’t know what a dogfight is, it is a bet between a group of people to bring the ugliest date to whatever the occasion may be. Long story short, beautiful red-headed senior asks my “gorgeous” mug to prom; like a ditz, I accepted (should have known, a girl with looks like mine isn’t […]
Years of harsh action will explode into one nasty reaction. Happens all the time. Lets all go out in style, make some noise, it’s our exit party. Start a new urban legand with your departure, be creative
when you’re trying to cut so deep that the world just fades out but the knifes not sharp enough-_-
im done. im just done.
first of all let me say i dont have problems in school im an A student i go to a good christian school even though im not christian .
i do have problems in life i have since i was 8 . the big drama’s started when i was 12/13 im (16)
my mother is a heavy  heroine addict and hasn’t payed attention to me since i was born … when i was 8 i was taken into foster care and moved from place to place till i was 13 where i was put in a residential with 2 to 3 other girls where they decided to […]
I am very tired of life and I am tired of MY life. My only wish is to die painlessly in my sleep. I have endured numerous setbacks in my life, and I cannot handle any more failures. I did not think a person could feel so much pain and still go on living. I feel another “disaster” coming on and I don’t want to be alive to deal with the aftermath. The people in my world do not deserve to have the confort & support that I provide for them. I consider my family & my “friends” to be burdensome.Â
I do believe in God, […]
People just don’t take me seriously. I must be that good of an actress. I try to put on a smile everyday so no one nags me about my problems.
Today in class, we went over the symptoms of depression; Yeah, they all sounded just about right. I know I’m depressed, and no one else knows that. I am showing the symptoms, but would anyone even care to take notice? No.
“Ask for help” should be the first thing to do right? Well I did. I requested to see a therapist. I told my aunts and they said “Sure we’ll find you one.” Two years later, I’m […]
Dear Gloria,
It’s your favorite niece writing. I’ve been thinking, and this summer I would really like to come visit you. I’m so sick of this fucking family with their fucking up tight opinions and suburb attitudes. Every single one of them just pisses me off. I’m serious, just looking at one of them makes me want to take a bullet to the head. Today your little sister and I got in a fight….again. I figured as much would happen, it always does when schoolwork becomes a requirement. Apparently “we don’t communicate like we used to” well how the fuck am I supposed to “communicate” when […]