So to the new people. I am a 16 year old (17 on the first of march) male who has fallen in love with his 15 year old cousin whom knows about that as I told it to her and she has accepted that. I will make it short as my iphone has become very glitchy and my safari crashes. Well I can’t say I’m doing much better as I have no way of controlling my anger yet my favorite passtime is video games. Thats why i was pissed. I was blinded by rage not realizing there was an autosave feature on this site for […]
Yeah I hate who I am completely now.
I’m insecure about my weight I’m 14 and last time I weighed myself (6 months ago) I weighed 124 lbs. and im 5’4 is that fat? I think Ive become anorexic because i limit myself to 1 meal a day and I starve myself as punishment.
My self-esteem is so low even though it was so high. Ive made it a hobby to compare myself to my girlfriends ex’s it’s torture but what can I say.
My stupid social anxiety is what I hate the most though >:( its gets in the way and I’ve told my […]
hi so this is my frist time posting somthing…u have no idea how relieved i am to realize im not the only one :)…this week just well sucked is the only pg word i can think of. I love drama, random fact. Not the dumb guy high school crap drama but threater being on stage being able to be someone else if only for a second. It was my escape my happy place. Im a senior and i was in drama my freshman and sophmore yr…then ididnt get into 3rd yr..our final was our play, ironicly i played a dead woman(of natural causes). 3 people […]
i haven’t wrote in a while..
i started going to see my counsellor. its been making me feel a bit better. the other day i went bathing suit shopping… and I’m happy with the way my body looks for once!
i haven’t had school in a week. i go back monday. really don’t want to tho. I’ve been enjoying the amount of sleep I’ve been able to get. go to bed at 3:30am wake up at 12:30pm. its been nice.
i still hurt a lot! and i still find myself crying at night. tho not as much as i use to.
my counsellor suggested other things i […]
It’s pretty pathetic to be so down and pitying myself when I know there are billions of people who would kill to have half of the things I have in life. By most standards in the world, I live like a king. I have a comfortable apartment, I’m in college preparing for a successful career in finance, everyday I have food and clean water, I’m physically healthy, I grew up with great parents and great siblings, and there isn’t really any major problem in my life. Â But often, I get the crushing realization of how lonely I am. I would give all that I have […]
i am a mixed raced 16 year old, who is handsome good hearted popular everything a teenager would want i have. i have allways been a happy child allways smiling allways making people laff and just being a burst of energy. but for the past 4 months i have been sad feeling alone and stressed like and outcast anything people say effects me people are allways judging me, and thinking i am something i am not i never get taken seriously, anything i say i want to be people laff and tell me i will never be i allways to dumb to fat to different and i am sick of […]
When I was born, my parents had me in America. I learned English as a primary language, however, my family knows Spanish as their primary language. We’ve tried becoming bilingual but there is and always will be some kind of barrier that seperates me from them. This caused a ripple affect in my life.
Maybe it was the fact that I couldn’t talk to my parents, I really can not tell. I just know that I feel alone at times because of my language barrier. Anyways, I’m currently 17 going on 18, but I feel like because I had to raise myself that I act 10 […]
I haven’t been on in a while.. Ah well, latley my mind has been thinking of death.. I cant get it out of my mind but its weird cause ill think it, then my mind argues with itself.. I say “no zoe are you insane?! You cant just die.. ” i also get this feeling of emptyness.. Life is passing me by.. I can feel it. Somethings wrong..
If anyone would like E-mail me at zoebear_1@hotmail.com
-Zoe
I broke my hand again…..in three different places….I’m not really sure what happened. I just snapped. I needed to feel. to feel that pain. That sharp, Intense pain. Its almost mind numbing. Anyway, that was yesterday night. This is today. Seven more hours and then it’s a new day…… I just gotta push through this. I have to.
THE OUTCAST SPEAKS
(Written in June 1999, for my MFA Creative Writing class_
By David H. Lippman
The images were horrific enough, but it was the words that sent me into a flashback – frightened Colorado teenagers describing the assailants who had mowed down their schoolmates as “outcasts that nobody liked.â€
After that, television pundits and people with advanced degrees began to prattle about guns in schools, why high school kids turn to violence, and what is to be done.
I wished someone would ask one of the “outcasts.†I was one 20 years ago. In some ways, even though I lead what many people […]
You’d rather go hang out than talk to me? Wtf ever so depressed because of him. Don’t know what to do anymore.
I remember I was the sweetest girl you would ever meet but that all changed when people started bullying me.I got bullied every single day.By everyone and by my family.My mom would always yell at me and my brother would beat me.My other brother would want nothing to do with me.My dad you ask?Lets see he had left me and my mom when I was 5 years old.People would call me fat,ugly,pathetic,Ect.Basiclly all the names in the book.I didnt understand what I did at the time.I would believe everything they said I had so much pressure on me and I still do.That pressure […]
Feels like I’ve been digging a hole all my life.
I’ve dug it so deep, that I can’t climb out of it.
Only real choice left is to keep digging
until it becomes my grave.
im not afraid of dying anymore.
they say death is inevitable so i cant see the point to still strive living in this world.
this negative things and bad thoughts inside me wont stop unless i stop breathing.
we only have one life and yet i suffered this bad. its all my fault and i accept that.
ive been insecure and trying to achieve perfection that makes me feel stressed and depressed.
i dont really want to die but i want this pain to stop because i cant take it anymore.
its like ive been stabbed a lot every single day, thats how painful it […]
Back to the beginning…
What the hell is wrong with me…
I can’t do anything right anymore…
I don’t want to live anymore.
I don’t care if I’m 16,
I don’t want to know what’s gonna happen down the road.
Nothing good is gonna come out of me in my future.
I was suppose to die as an infant anyways…
All I do is screw up…
My depression gets worse and worse everyday…
Everytime I screw up…
I’m done…
I don’t know what else to do…
Stupid fucking iphone keeps fuckig crashing wont let me go to sp im so fucking pisssed of it just wants me to choke out and cut myself just to taste it fuck u piece shit i fuckmin hate you. Why cant i be eith jasmine fuck u. I need some fuckig weed you ****** this aint helping me i bet fucking safari is gonna crash n my iphone is gonna be completely smashed by morning fuck. Wheres my fucking hubby bars. You favgot i wanna grab a nife n test out cutting i just might witg this mugh anger inside me im so irritated and […]
If i could find the courage to kill myself, this is what my death message will say!! ver.1.0
I decided that I didn’t want to be a sufferer any more and took on this terrible selfishness that is probably hurting you right now! The selfishness took over me and I couldn’t get over feeling sorry for my broke life. I don’t want you guys to feel sorry for me, because I don’t deserv it for selfishly killing myself, and maybe hurting you in the long run!! I am sorry that you had encountered me in your life for why I terribly just killed my self! Please […]
Everytime I start to look up
Believe that I am fixable
Trust that I’m wanted for who I am and not what I can do for someone
The rug gets pulled shredded and cremated.
When you knowsomething for a fact beyond a shadowof a doubt
And it turns out to be false,
How can I trust anything?
When is it my turn to have someone in my life that sees positivity in me as I am.
Who will come to me void of ulterior motives
Then again I hate me too as I am.
I dopnt know how I destroyed myself so thoroughly
I can’t even hang myself […]
I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Why do I keep breathing. I shouldn’t be here. I must’ve been a terrible person who did horrible things in another life and this is my punishment. I have no value, no meaning. I fall asleep wishing I won’t wake up, please not another day. I want to do this right so badly but I don’t know if I can hold on long enough.
Those of you that are atheist, or some other religion, please take no offense if this goes against your beliefs, just know that this DID happen.
The other night I wanted to grab that knife so bad and I was shaking so uncontrollably, gasping and blacking out. As these thoughts of self harm and death came into my head, God stopped me from acting on them. I felt so compelled to try and calm myself, and I felt some force driving me away from the knife and those awful, awful thoughts. Then again just two nights ago, I wanted to cut so badly, and I walked […]