So i spent yesterday and moat of today in the hospital for an attempt at suicide i tried to overdose on sleeping pills that were prescribed to me. And now i failed again and feel like complete shit and a complete failure.

People tell me it’s al my fault.

Everything.

That depression can easily be controlled and easily healed.

They don’t know the half of it.

People leave the mentally sick and tell us to become independent, but the physically sick get a hug and they’re told that everything will be all right.

Why isn’t someone on my side?

I go to doctors appointment, talk to therapists, meet with advisors, get my medications and pay for it all. All by myself.

And I’m not even 19 years old yet.

Why isn’t there someone telling me that I’m doing something right?

I don’t do everything wrong, do I?

I’m still human.

Just like them. I’m not any different. Just […]

Hopless, Helpless,
Broken beyond repair,
Lost and lonely,
Does anybody care?

Scared and scarred,
Burned and Bruised,
Completely starved,
What else is there to lose?

Inside i’m empty,
Inside I’m screaming,
I wish I were pretty,
And radiant and beaming.

I’m numb and I am nervous,
Paranoid and pained,
I’m tired and confused,
I want to shut off my brain.

I’m locked in a cell,
And they threw away the key,
I’m trapped and I am tortured,
A prisoner of my mind.

I am trapped and I am tortured,
A prisoner of my mind.

A prisoner,
Of my mind.

I’m sitting here in English class,
My mind is far away,
I’m drifting more and more,
My skies keep growing grey.

The times are quite exhausting,
My mask is slipping off,
I don’t know how long I’ll manage,
To continue all the faking.

My life is split in two,
I’m pretend and I am real,
I’m hiding from the world,
But on my own the real shines through.

My thoughts don’t make sence,
Just like my presence,
I wish my ties were severed,
So I can fly free.

Flying free is what I long for,
I could leave it all behind,
I would float amongst the clouds,
finally released […]

Time after time.
We’ve fallen.
And nobody’s there to catch us.
So we fall some more.

Would anyone be willing to voice chat on skype (or any other VoIP program) or maybe even a normal phone call?

I ask this, because talking to people on this site through typing, it’s better than sitting in my room alone.  But not a lot better.  Hearing someone’s voice is different.  It’s better.  Just a casual conversation.  If no one wants to, that’s okay.

I’m a 26 year old male, depressed, chronic procrastinator, without any sense of meaning in my life. I hate the world we live in, so much is wrong, greed over morality pretty much sums up most of it, and an ignorance is bliss lifestyle the rest. But that’s the normal QQ; here’s were it gets really pathetic. I hate myself most of all, everyday I wake up and cuss at myself until I can finally summon up the will to get out of bed and face another day of my life. I have nothing, and I know it’s no one’s fault but my own; I […]

Yeah 2 posts in, how much? 3 days? maybe it’s just 2. This is kinda sad. Cause I mean, the thing that I’m writing here, in a language which is not even mine, makes me realise how damn lonely I am here and, well, to feel so lonely to decide to write on a web site twice in 3 days or something it’s kinda depressing. As if I wasn’t depressed even before. But, as always, I’m fucking procastinating.

And the thing is that I’m fucking procastinating cause I don’t wanna get to the point. Cause the point has been just in front of my eyes for days […]

Nurses whispered, like a constant buzzing

Looking down on us, judging us

She rested on the bed next to me

Sick from the pills they gave her

Listen         

Follow

Conform

In a place where friendship is weakness

Eleven is too old for trust

Never asked but always taken

Pain is exchanged for freedom

Smile

Adapt

Recover

Running scorching water over my hands

The first time I tried to burn

Unyielding ghosts clung to me

She watched lazily from her bed

Haunting

Deceiving

Thief

There were many “signs” that pointed to the relationship with my ex meaning(to my understanding) that she was the one mean for me. However, there are many ways that the “signs” could have been interpreted. For instance, her name appearing as a suggested friend on a networking site alongside her old lawyer’s could have meant we were to be together or it could have meant stay away from both the lawyer and her; randomly going out and hearing a performance of a song she sang, “Forget You,” could mean forget her; or standing beside someone and having them grab my hand and tell me to […]

I think I may have a Highly sensitive personality.

I have severe social anxiety, ADD. And I get easily overstimulated.
Do these sound like characteristics of the HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON?:

I have acute hearing, I get startled VERY easily over the littlest sounds, even when I am anticipating them. and I think I am sensitive to light(i wear glasses) I am a very picky eater, and dont eat much I like odd foods. I think this is because I may be a supertaster? I think I am sensitive to pain. When I have a hot beverage, it takes forever for it to be cool enough to drink, […]

I have to write other wise I will take it out on myself.

I missed a interview this morning because i couldn’t wake up, I had to wake up at 4:30am to get to a 9am interview.

I think I shouldn’t try for his job because it’s so far and it’s on 8.00/hr for 10-15 a week, that’s just bus money and lunch.

Better than nothing though. It’s a 2-3 hr bus ride just to get there.

I just feel like a lazy bum cause I couldn’t get it over with.

I don’t even want to go but if i don’t I’ll feel like a dumb ass.

I’m not going to […]

Hi everyone. I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe I just need to get this shit off my chest. I’ve been kicked out of college, my only option now is to get a job or be thrown out.

I have extremely bad problems with my confidence, and so getting a job is out of the question. I’m going to take the easy way out and commit suicide. I live in the UK and have £60 from my google adsense, I’m just praying this is going to be enough for some helium, or whatever else I could use to painlessly kill myself.

I feel so […]

I don’t know how to explain my self. WHO AM I.

Im seeing a  new therapist today and im extremely anxious.

I don’t even know what to say to her.

AM I SIMPLE OR AM I COMPLICATED

I don’t know where to start.

I don’t want to have miscommunication and misunderstanding

I am scared of myself.

I am scared of finding myself. Who I truly am.

I don’t know how to introduce myself like how do I define myself if I can’t think clearly, if I don’t have much going for me, if I don’t have real friends if I do not have many strengths, or interests. I bad at just about everything, […]

life and living, for me, is an outfit. you put on all these clothes that weigh you down but eventually, end of the day comes; time to strip ’em off and rest.

I’m afraid that I’m genuinely losing my mind. That analogy, if you can call it that, is a half finished thought. So many of my thoughts are half finished and incoherant; I’M half finished and incoherant HAHAHA! self loathing is always hilarious.

I try to wear my life for as long as possible, but I always end up stripping it off and proclaiming myself animal.

What am I saying? WHat am I writing? How is […]

I think to myself (i”m not always suicidal but it still helps  me! ) I can always kill  myself later.

If I can just try and face one more day, one more obstacle, one more test at life, and if it’s too hard then I can try to fight it by saying I’ll wait it out, ill see what tomorrow brings because I can always die the next time if things get to unbearable, eventually I get through the next obstacle and I’m able to stick around for the next one.

Just say to yourself If this experience is too much to bear I can always […]