The date of this post has no real significance, I just didn’t know what else to call this.

Some of you responded to me with questions asking for more information on this topic, so I was going to address that.  (This post isn’t specifically for the three people I listed.  It’s for anyone willing to listen.)

Starting with “one_day” :

1.  I know that I need to go out and make friends, but i disagree with the fact that it’s unhealthy to have just one friend.  Let’s say she didn’t “abandon” me (or whatever she did), I’d be content, I would be happy, my life would be enjoyable, […]

In the average class of 30 students, 8% have attempted suicide. This equates to approximately 2.4 students in every class having attempted suicide at some point in their lives.
From 2003 to 2004, the amount of girls who used hanging as the method of suicide rose 119%.
This is all because of bulling.
(Yes this is real data. http://rcg.org/youth/news/0505-tsotr.html)

Feel ignored?

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I guess this is a chance to say
what’s on my mind without upsetting my friends or going to prison for
talking about suicide. I don’t know. (For the sake of the latter,
this is just talk..okay? So let me say what’s on my mind and make
decisions for myself.)
These things usually begin with some background info, so here is mine.
I was 49 years old when I was arrested for being in the possession of
child pornography. It happened on December 11th, 2008. I was arrested
by US Immigration and Customs Enforcement, who had been monitoring my
activity on a file sharing network and determined that […]

If I wasn’t here tomorrow, would anyone notice?

If I wasn’t here tomorrow, would it even matter? Would anyone lose sleep?

as a only child you would espect for me to have what ever i wanted. but thats not the case. i only wanted peace in my house. i hate when anybody faught and that includs my parents. now they are seperating and they always put me in this wierd postion who i like better. can i honestly tell them ive been tired of there shit for years no i guess not cause im that perfect child that they want me to be. but they dont know half my life

There are people on here that are well on into their life. There are also people here that, like me, haven’t even been here two decades. I’ve seen people die, shit I’ve almost died. Age is a lie. Just because someones 16 doesn’t mean they haven’t been through the wringer. I’m tiered of people telling me I’m “too young”. I’ve been through more in my 16 years than most do in their lives. My parents say, “you’re too young to smoke. Your too young to have problems. Your too young to have all this shit wrong with you” well fuck you guys. I may […]

The sun kisses my skin and i kiss it back.
The rain hides my tears and i hide its
The wind blows it’s slow steady breath and i mimic it
“I can’t rely on you all the time and you can’t rely on me”
What once was loved is now lost
The sun the rain the wind
gone
my kisses were once yours and mine to share
now people can see when i cry
now i can’t breathe
I’m gasping for air
but your’e not there to save me
gone with your wind sun and rain
now i miss you i miss us but when I […]

Pulls you close holds you near 
You say I have nothing to fear
Oh how I wish it was true my dear

Butterfly with no wings”
   Siting up and tying to touch the sky never able to catch the butterfly 
   Trying to find you when I am feeling so blue                       
    bout to catch my breath while staring at death
     staring him right in the eye with my spirit floating above so high          
      sucked back some might say revived I say pulling me away from where I had been deprived 
      deprived from abuse even though they let him loose.  
       […]

Hey, guys. Everything super sucks right now. I think I’m in love with my best friend. He hates me though and wont talk to me anymore so I guess you all are my only escape now. Sorry. I wish things wouldn’t suck. I wish people had the power to get through rough times without leaving others behind. I wish Jacob and I could go back to how things were before we messed up. Oh well, I’ve got my blade and my trombone, that’s all a girl really needs in life right? Not talking to him is driving me crazy, oh my lord of the rings. […]

I’ll never figure out where I went wrong.  At one point in my life, about ten years ago, I had most everything I wanted.  A wife, home, and job.  Then one day I lost my job and wife all in the same day.  Since then, my parents have had to rescue me several times, which has cost them a fortune, and I had a good job, the plant closed, found another, also closed.  After two years of looking (2009-2010) I finally found another.  Most I’d ever made, great position.  Lost that job about a 6 weeks ago.  I think I’m losing my mind.  I used up […]

do i not get to talk to people head on here? im new

I’ve been writing tonight.  I’ve never felt this alone.  I know I write crazy amounts and it is probably annoying to see my username posted over and over.  I just feel so incredibly inside out.  I threw away the glass because I was frustrated it wasn’t sharper.  now I can’t get to it and it is driving me crazy.  i feel like there is a monster clawing at my insides.  i watched a movie.  completely disturbing.  i had no idea beforehand.  i just want to disappear.  no one really cares, not enough to listen to me anyway, or to try and understand.  maybe that’s not […]

So I wrote this poem to the people who would be affected if I would commit suicide because I’ve been seriously considering it lately.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry but

Holding on for one more day
will never make me stronger,
So stop the lies
and pitifull smiles
cause it won’t ever stop me,
You’re screaming ‘don’t do it’
the world’s screaming ‘it’s over’
how selfish of me
to finally go free

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry but

This messed up world
will go on,
This messed up world
will be your home,
I hope you’ll forgive me
all my mistakes,
I hope you’ll understand
you […]

Things have happened in the past and som-what still happen today they effect me more now than ever. Why can’t me and the problems just dissapear?

Does anyone else kinda hope the world does end this december.

I looked at the mirror today. Fuck, I’m hideous and ridiculously horrid to look at. I’ve cut earlier on my left arm. Seven horizontally and two vertically, overlapping the rest. They aren’t deep enough to bleed thoroughly but the scars won’t fade.

I’ve made myself uglier. Something’s wrong with me. I try to tell myself to see myself as perfectly as possible, with two legs and two arms, a head and two eyes. But I just make myself uglier. I want someone to make me feel beautiful and appreciated, but nobody does, even myself. Am I selfish and vain for wanting this?

Today I went to the St. Patrick Day parade. I was having a really good time and i actually had fun, which seems to never happen. But now that I’m home my mind is just yelling at me and telling me, why the hell were you happy, you cant do that, stop being happy. Now I just feel so depressed and i feel like i have to be mad at myself for being happy, instead of being proud of actually having fun and being happy. i just dont know what to do.